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About Google Book Search Google's mission is to organize the world's information and to make it universally accessible and useful. Google Book Search helps readers discover the world's books while helping authors and publishers reach new audiences. You can search through the full text of this book on the web at |http: //books .google .com/I 433 07480677 3 / ^^csk >>v\^ IRVING'S KNICKERBOCKER. EIYERSIDE EDinON. WITH DESIGNS BY DAKLEY. History of New York, FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD TO THE END OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY; CONTAIIONO, AMONG MANT SUBPRISmO AND CITBIOnS MATTKBS, THX UNUTTERABLE PONDERINOS OF WALTER THE DOUBTER, THE DISASTROUS PROJECTS OF WILLL&M THE TESTT, AND THE CniVALRIO ACHIEVEMENTS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG ; THE THREE DUTCH GOV- ERNORS OF NEW AMSTERDAM ; BEING THE ONLY AUTHENTIC HISTORY OP THE TIMES THAT EVER HATH BEEN OR EVER WILL BE PUBLISHED. BY DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER. ^ie (omt met tlMtfjti^ aan ten tag. THE AUTHOR'S REVISED EDITION COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME. NEW YORK: . GEORGE P. PUTNAM, 441 Bbokt>^k-i. THE NEW TORf PUBLIC LIBRARY ASTOTl. LENOX AHO Enter td accoifcing to Oeobqi p. Putnam, ia the Olerk^s Offloe of the District Court for the Soathem District of Mew York. le year 1864, by BITIBSIDB, OAMBBIDQB: nERMOTTFXD AND PBINTBD BT H. 0. HOUGUTON AND OOMPAITT. PA«B THE ACTHOB»S APOLOGY 16 ORIGINAL ADVERTISEMENTS ?1 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR 23 ADDRESS TO THE PUBLIC 35 BOOK L ooHTAnriKO Bims nronnous thkoriks aitd philosophio spxcdla- TI05S, GOHCKRHnfO THX CKBATION A^TD POPULATION OP THS WOELD, A8 CONHXCRD WITH THX HISTOBT OP HKW TOEK. Chap. I. — Description of the Worid 43 CuAP. II. — Cosmogony, or Creation of the World; with a multitude of excellent theories, by which the crea- tion of a world is shown to be no such difficult mat- ter as common folk would imagine 51 Chap. III. — How that famous navigator, Noah, was shamefully nicknamed; and how he committed an unpardonable oversight in not having four sons. With the great trouble of philosophers caused there- by, and the discovery of America 62 Chap. IV. — Showing the great difficulty philosophers have had in peopling America — and how the Abo- rigines came to be begotten by accident — to the great relief and satisfaction of the Author 70 Chap. Y. — In which the Author puts a mighty question to the rout, by the assistance of the Man in the Moon — which not only delivers thousands of people from great embarrassment, but likewise concludes this in-^ troductory book 79 BOOK n. TaSATIKO OP THX POST 8XTTLXMKHT OP THX PBOTIMGK OP VlXnW- KXDKXLAHDTS. Chap. I. — In which are contained divers reasons why a man should not write in a hurry — Also of Master Hendrick Hudson, his discovery of a strange countiy — and how he was magnificently rewaidftd b^ \!bd& manificeoce of their High Mightmeaaoa. ^ 8 CONTENTS. PAGK Chap. II. — Containing an account of a mighty Ark which floated, under the protection of St. Nicholas, from Holland to Gibbet Island — the descent of the strange Animals therefrom — a great victory, and a description of the ancient village of Communipaw. . Ill Chap. III. — In which is set forth tlie true art of making a bargain — together with the miraculous escape of a great Metropolis in a fo^ — and the biography of cer- tain heroes of Communipaw 119 Chap. IV. — How the heroes of Communipaw voyaged to Hell-gate, and how they were received there 128 Chap. V. — How the heroes of Communipaw returned somewhat wiser than they went — and how the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream — and the dream that he dreamed 141 Chap. VI. — Containing an attempt at etymology — and of the founding of the great city of New Amsterdam 147 Chap. VII. — How the people of Pavonia migrated from Communipaw to the island of Manna-hata — and how Oloffe the Dreamer proved himself a great land-spec- ulator 150 Chap. VIII. — Of the founding and naming of the new city — of the City Arms ; and of the direful feud be- tween Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches 154 Chap. IX. — How the citv of New Amsterdam waxed great under the protection of St. Nicholas and the absence of laws and statutes — how Oloffe the Dream- er begun to dream of an extension of Empire, and of the effect of his dreams 161 BOOK ni. IN WHICH IS BEOORDED THE OOLDEN SEIGN OF W0X7TER VAN TWILLER. Chap. I. — Of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, his unparalleled virtues — as likewise his unutterable wisdom in the law-case of Wandle Schoonhoven and Barent Bleecker — and the great admiration of the public thereat 169 Chap. II. — Containing some account of the ^rand council of New Amsterdam, as also divers especial good phil- osophical reasons why an Alderman should be fat — with other particulars touching the. state of the prov- ince 180 Chap. III. — How the town of New Amsterdam arose out of mud, and came to be marvellouslv polished and polite — together with a picture of the manners of our great-great-grandfatheTs 191 CONTENTS, PAQB Chap. IV. — Containing farther particulars of the Golden Age, and what constituted a fine Lady and Gentle- man in the days of Walter the Doubter 200 Chap. V. — Of the founding of Fort Aurania — Of the mysteries of the Hudson — Of the arrival of the Pa- troon Killian Van Rensellaer; his lordly descent upon the earth, and his introduction of club-law 207 Chap. VI. — In which the reader is beguiled into a de- lectable walk, which ends very differently from what it commenced 211 Chap. VII. — Faithfully describing the ingenious people of Connecticut and thereabouts — showing, more- over, the true meaning of liberty of conscience, and a curious device among these sturdy barbarians, to keep up a harmony of intercourse, and promote population 217 Chap. VIII. — How these singular barbarians turned out to be notorious squatters. How they built air-castles, and attempted to initiate the Nederlanders in the mystery of bundling 223 Chap. IX. — How the tort Goed Hoop was fearfully be- leaguered — how the renowned Wouter fell into a profound doubt, and how he finally evaporated 229 BOOK IV. coNTAnmro the OHaoNicLES of the aEian of wn.LiAM the testt Chap. I. — Showing the nature of history in general; — containing furthermore the universal acquirements of William the Testy, and how a man may learn so mnch as to render himself good for nothing 237 Chap. II. — How William the Testy undertook to conquer by proclamation — how he was a great man abroad, but a little man in his own house 244 Chap. III. — In which are recorded the sage projects of a ruler of universal genius — The art of fighting by proclamation — and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonored at Fort Goed Hoop 248 Chap. IV. — Containing the fearful wrath of William the Testy, and the alarm of New Amsterdam — how the Governor did strongly fortify the City — Of Antony the Trumpeter, and the wiiidy addition to the armo- rial bearings of New Amsterdam 254 Chap. V. — Of the jurisprudence of William the Testy, and his admirable expedients for the suppression of poverty '^^^ 10 CONTENTS. PAGB Chap. VI. — Projects of William the Testy for increasing the currency — he is outwitted by me Yankees — The ffreat Oyster War 266 Chap. Vil. — Growing discontents of New Amsterdam under the government of William the Testy 272 Chap. VIII. — The edict of William the Testy against Tobacco — Of the Pipe Plot, and the rise of Feuds and Parties 275 Chap. IX. — Of the folly of being happv in the time of prosperity — Of troubles to the Soutli brought on bv annexation — Of the secret expedition of Jansen Al- pendam, and his magnificent reward 281 Chap. X. — Troublous times on the Hudson — How Kil- lian Van Rensellaer erected a feudal castle, and how he introduced club-law into tlie province 286 Chap. XI. — Of the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter to the 1^ ortress of Kensellaerstein — and how he was puzzled by a cabalistic reply 290 Chap. XII. — Containing the rise of the great Amphic- ^onic Council of the Pilgrims, with the decline and final extinction of William the Testy 294 BOOK V. CONTAINmO THE FIKST PAST OF THE BEIGN OF PETER STUTVESANT, AND mS TKOUBLES WITH THE AMPUICTTOMIO COUNCIL. Chap. I. — In which the death of a great man is shown to be no very inconsolable matter of sorrow — and how Peter Stuyvesant acquired a great name from the uncommon strength of his head 301 Chap. II. — Showing how Peter the Headstrong bestirred himself among t^e rats and cobwebs on entering into ofiice; his interview with Antony the Trumpeter, and his perilous meddling with the currency 310 Chap. III. — How the Yankee League waxed more and more potent; and how it outwitted the good Peter in treaty-making 315 Chap. IV. — Containing divers speculations — showing that a treaty of peace is a great national evil 322 Chap. V. — How Peter Stuyvesant was grievously belied by the great council of the League ; and how'he sent Antony the Trumpeter to take to the council a piece of his mind'. .- 330 Chap. VI. — How Peter Stu}'vesant demanded a court of honor — and what the court of honor awarded to him 336 CONTENTS, 11 PAOl Ohap. YII. — How **Dram Ecclesiastic" was beaten throaghout Connecticut for a crusade against the New I^etherlands, and how Peter Stnyvesant took measures to fortify liis Capital 339 Chap. YIII. — How the Yankee crusade against the New Netherlands was baffled by the sudden outbreak of witchcraft among the people of the East 345 Chap. IX. — Which records the rise and renown of a Military Commander, showing that a man, like a bladder, may be puffed up to greatness by mere wind ; together witn the catastropne of a veteran and his queue 351 BOOK VI. OONTAIHIKO THK SECOND PABT OF THK BUCHT Of PXTBB THE HXAO- STRONQ, AMD ms GALLANT AOHHySMBNTS ON THE DlLAWAKl. Chap. I. — In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of the great Peter — of the windy contest of Greneral Van Poffenburgh and General Printz, and of the Mosquito War on the Delaware 361 Chap. II. — Of Jan Risingh, hisgiantly person and crafty deeds; and of the Catastrophe at Fort Casimir 368 Chap. III. — Showing how profound secrets are often brought to light; with the proceedings of Peter the Headstrong when he heard of the misrortunes of Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh 876 Chap. FV. — Containing Peter Stuy vesant's Voyage up the Hudson, and the wonders and delights of that renowned river 885 Chap. V. — Describing the powerful Army that assem- bled at the city of New Amsterdam — together with the interview between Peter the Headstrong and General Van Poffenburgh, and Peter*s sentiments touching unfortunate great men 394 Chap. VI. — In which the Author discourses very ingen- iously of himself — after which is to be found much interesting history about Peter the Headstrong and his followers 402 Chap. VII. — Showing the great advantage that the Author has over his Reader in time of Battle — together with divers portentous movements; which betoken that something terrible is about to happen. 413 Chap. VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in poetry or prose ; with the admirable ex- ploits of Peter the Headstrong 421 12 CONTENTS, PAQB Chap. IX. — In wbich the Author and the Reader, while reposing after the battle, fall into a very grave dis- course, after which is recorded the conduct of Peter Stuyvesant after his victory 434 BOOK VII. ooNTAmma ths thibb part of ths reion of peter the headstrong — HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND PALL OP THE DUTCH DYNASTY. Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sovereign People from the burden of taking care of the nation ; with sundry particulars of his conduct in the time of peace, and of the rise of a great Dutch aristocracy. . 445 Chap. II. — How Peter Stuyresaiit labored to civilize the community — how lie was a great promoter of holidays — how he instituted kissing on New- Year's Day — how he distributed fiddles throughout the New Netherlands — how he ventured to reform the Ladies' petticoats, and how he caught a Tartar 453 Chap. III. — How troubles thicken on the province — how it is threatened by the Helderbergers — The Merrylanders, and the (jiants of the Susquehanna . . 458 Chap. I v . — How Peter Stuyvesant adventured into the East Country, and how he fared there 462 Chap. V. — How the Yankees secretl v sought the aid of the British Cabinet in theit hostile schemes against the Manhattoes 470 Chap. VI. — Of Peter Stuvesant's expedition into the East Country, showing that, though an old bird, he did not understand trap 473 Chap. VII. — How the people of New Amsterdam were thrown into a great panic, by the news of the threat- ened invasion ; and the manner in which they fortified themselves 479 Chap. VIII. — How the Grand Council of the New Neth- erlands were miraculously gifted with long tongues in the moment of emergency — showing the value of words in warfare 484 Chap. IX. — In which the troubles of New Amsterdam appear to thicken — showing the bravery in time of peril, of a people who defend themselves by resolu- tions 489 Chap. X. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the Trunipeter — and how Peter Stuyvesant, like a sec- ond Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a Rump Parlia- ment 49P CONTENTS, 13 PAOI Chap. XI. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of New Amsterdam for several days, by dint of the strength of his head 505 Chap. XII. — Containing the dignified retirement, and mortal surrender of reter the Headstrong 514 Chap. XIII. — The Author's reflections upon what has been said 522 NOTICES WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK. From the Evening Post of October 26, 1809. DISTRESSING. Left his lodgings, some time since, and lias not since been heard of, a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by the name of Knickerbocker. As there are some reasons (br belieying he is not entirely in liis right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about him, any information concerning him left either at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of this pa- per, win be tliankfhlly receiyed. P. S. Printers of newspapers would be aiding the cause of hu- manity in giying an insertion to the abore From the same^ November 6, 1809. To the Editor of the Evening Post : Sm, — Haying read in your paper of the 26th October last, a para- graph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knickerbocker^ who was missing finom his lod^ngs ; if it would be any relief to his friends, or famish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them that a person answering the description giyen, was seen by the passengers of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He had in his hand a small bundle, tied in a red bandana handkerchief; he appeared to be trayellin^ northward, and was very much fiitigued and ezhauaWdL. 16 NOTICES. From the same^ November 16, 1809. To the Editor of the Evening Post : Sis, — Ton have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker y who was missing so strangely some time since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since ; but a very curious kind of a written hook has been found in his room, in his own handwriting. Now I wish you to notice him, if he ia still alive, that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging, I shall hare to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same. I am, sir, your humble servant, S£TU UANDASIDE, Landlord of the Independent Columbian Ilotel, Mulberry Street From the same^ November 28, 1809. LITERARY NOTICE. IzrsKUF & BsADFOSD have in press, and will shortly publish, A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, In two volumes, duodecimo. Price Three I>ollar8. Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its in- ternal policies, manners, customs, wars, &c., &o., under the Dutch government, flimisliing many curious and interesting particulam never before published, and which are gathered from various man- uscript and other authenticated sources, the whole being inter- spersed with philosophical speculations and moral precepts. Tills work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knicker- bocker, the old gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappear- ance has been noticed. It is published in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind. FVom the American Citizen^ December 6, 1809. Is this day published By INSKEBP & Brabfobd, No. 128 Broadway, A HISTORY OP NEW YORK, &c. &c. (Containing same as above.) HE following work, in which, at the out- set, nothing more was contemplated than a temporary jeu d'esprtt, was commenced in company with my brother, the late Peter Ir- ving, Esq. Our idea was, to parody a small hand- book which had recently appeared, entitled " A Picture of New York." Like that, our work was to begin with an historical sketch ; to be followed by. notices of the customs, manners, and institutions of the city; written in a serio-comic vein, and treating local errors, follies, and abuses with good- humored satire. To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in cer^ tain American works, our historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world ; and we laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant, or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother departed for Europe, and I was left to pros- ecute the enterprise alone. I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the " Picture of New York," I determined that what had been originally in- tended as an introductory sketch, should comprise the whole work, and form a comic history of t^<& 2 18 THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. City. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and disrjuisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first lx>ok ; but it soon became evident to me, Uiat, like liobinson Crusoe with his boat, I had bes^un on t^X) large a scale, and that, to launch my his- tory successfully, I must reduce its proportions. I a^jconlingly resolved to confine it to the period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress, and decline, presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time zXiiny&t a terra incognita'm history. In fact, I was surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its earlv Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their an- cient Dutch progenitors. This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city ; poetic from its very obscurity ; and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome, to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city, as fortunate above all other Amer- ican cities, in having an antiquity thus extending liack into the regions of doubt and fable ; neither did I conceive I was committing any grievous his- torical sin in helping out the few facts I could collect in this remote and forgotten region with figments of my own brain, or in giving characteristic attributi^ to the few names connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion. In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexf>erience^l writer, besotted with his own fancies ; and my presumptuous trespasses into this sacred, though neglected region of history have met with deserved rebuke from men of soberer minds. It 10 too late, however, to recall the shaft thus rashly THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. 19 launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I can only say with Hamlet, — Let my disclaiming from a purposed evil Free me so far in your most generous thoughts, That I have shot my arrow o'er the house, And hurt my brother. I will say this in further apology for my work : that, if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with our early provincial history, it has at least turned attention to that history and provoked research. It is only since this work appeared that the for- gotten archives of the province have been rummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time res- cued from the dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may virtually possess. The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim of history; but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from poetic minds. It was to embody the tradi- tions of our city in an amusing form; to illustrate its local humors, customs, and peculiarities ; to clothe home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and whimsical associations so sel- dom met with in our new country, but which live like charms and spells about the cities of the old w(H:ld, binding the heart of the native inhabitant to his home. In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before the appearance of my work^the popular traditions of our city were unre- corded ; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our Dutch progenitors were unnoticed or regarded with indifference, or adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are brought forward on all occasions \ they litik oxss. whole community together in good-linmoT acA ^^ 20 THE AUTHORB APOLOGY: fellowship; they are the rallying points of home feeling, the seasoning of our civic festivities, the staple of local tales and local pleasantries, and are so harped upon by our writers of popular fiction, that I find myself almost crowded off the legen- dary ground which I was the first to explore, by the host who have followed in my footsteps. I dwell on this head, because, at the first appear- ance of my work, its aim and drift were misappre- hended by some of the descendants of the Dutch worthies ; and because I understand that now and then one may still be found to regard it with a cap- tious eye. The far greater part, however, I have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the same temper in which they were executed; and when I find, after a lapse of nearly forty years, this hap-hazard production of my youth still cherished among them, — when I find its very name become a " household word " and used to give the home stamp to everything recommend- ed fi)r popular acceptation, such as Knickerbock- er societies, Knickerbocker insurance companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses, Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice, — and when I find New Yorkers of Dutch descent prid- ing themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbock- ers," — I please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord ; that my dealings with the good old Dutch times, and the customs and usages derived firom them, are in harmony with the feelings and humors of my townsmen ; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants will not willingly suffer to pass away ; and that, though other histo- ries of New York may appeat oi Y^^ec ^^Wms to I THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY, 21 learned acceptation, and may take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library, Knick- erbocker's history will still be received with good- humored indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside. W. I. SUNNYSIDE, 1848. T was some time, if I recollect right, in the early part of the autumn of 1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mul- berry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours* growth. The only piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles ; and all his baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole ap- pearance was something out of the common run ; and my wife, who is a very shrewd body, at once set him down for some eminent country school- master. As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little puzzled at first where to put him ; but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great painters, Jarvis and Wood ; and commands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the PooT-H.ovMafe a.xA'&rv^^- 24 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. well, and a full front of the Hospital ; so that ii is the cheerfullest room in the whole house. During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with his hands full of papers, and say something about " deranging his ideas " ; which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether compos. Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think _so, for his room was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, laying about at sixes and sevens, which he would never let any- body touch ; for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know where to find them ; though, for that matter, ho was half his time worrying about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made, because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put ever}""- thing to rights ; for he swore he would never be able to get his papers in order again in a twelve- month. Upon this, my wife ventured to ask him what he did with so, many books and papers ; and he told her that he was " seeking for immortal- ity *' ; which made her think more than ever that the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room, was continually poking about town, hearing aU the news, and prying into everything that was going on : this was particularly the case about election time, when he did nothing but bus- de about from poll to poll, 8;.ttA.\idi.\vg all .ward ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 25 meetings, and committee rooms ; though I could never find that he took part with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and rail at both parties with great wrath, — and plainly proved one day, to the satisfaction of my wife and three old ladies who were drinking tea with her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at a skirt of the nation ; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door ; and I really believe he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the ques- tion, if they could ever have found out what it was. He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize, about the most trifling mat- ter ; and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that was a match for him, except it was a grave- looking old gentleman who called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the city librarian ; who, of course, must be a man of great learning : and I have my doubts if he had not some hand in- the foUowing history. ■ As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he was. She accordingly made Ixdd to put the question to his friend, the librarian, who replied in his dry way that he was one of the literati, which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn to push a lodger for his pay ; so I let day after daj pass on without dunning the o\d ^<(Mi\)^«av^N^ 26 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR, for a farthing : but my wife, who always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of patience, and hinted that she thouglit it high time ** some people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old gentleman replied, in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there, (pointing to his saddle- bags,) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer we could ever get from him; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great connections, being related to the Knick- erbockers of Scaghtikoke, and cousin-german to the congressman of that name, she did not like to treat him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making things easy, to let him live scot-fi-ee, if he would teach the children their letters ; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their children also : but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to speak on th,e subject again. About two months ago, he went out of a morn- ing, with a bundle in his hand, and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made afler him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last, when he had a great dispute with the congressman about poli- tics, and left the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anything of him from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor old gentleman, for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that he should be miss- ing 80 long, and never return to ^^ly \iAa XsvVL. I there- ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR, 27 fore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melanchbly advertisement was published by sev- eral humane printers, yet I have never been able to learn anything satisfactory about him. My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he had left anything be- hind in his room, that would pay us for his board and lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings, and his saddle-bags ; which, being opened in the presence of the libra- rian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes, and a large bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us he had no doubt it was the treasm^e which the old gentleman had spoken about ; as it proved to be a most excel- lent and faithful History of New York, which he advised us by all means to publish, assuring us that it would be so eagerly bought up by a dis- cerning public, that he had no doubt it would be enough to pay oiu* arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the press, which he accordingly has done ; and has, moreover, added to it a number of valuable notes of his own. This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work printed, without waiting for the consent of the author ; and I here declare, that, if he ever returns, (though I much fear some unhappy accident has befallen him,) I stand ready to ac- count with him like a true and honest man. Which is all at present, From the public's humble servant, Seth Handaside. Independent Columbian Hotel, New York. The foregoing account of the a\it\iOT 's^^a ^^^ 28 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. fixed to the first edition of this work. Shortlj after its publication, a letter was received fix)m him, by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch vil- lage on the banks of the Hudson, whither he had travelled for the purpose of inspecting certain an- cient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages into which newspa]>er8 never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements that were made concerning him, and that he should learn of the publication of his his- tory by mere accident. He expressed much concern at its premature «^ pearance, as thereby he was prevented from mak- ing several important corrections and alterations, as well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at Haver- straw and Esopus. Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found it, however, considerably altered, and was much con- cerned at the inroads and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these intruders were making sad in- novations in all parts of the State ; where they had given groat trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers by the introduction of turnpike-gates, and country schoolhouses. It is said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at notic- ing the gradual decay of t\\e ^fea.\.N«sAec Hoyden ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 29 palace ; but was highly indignant at fbding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last ▼isit. The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's history having reached even to Albany, he received much flatt-ering attention from its worthy burghers, some of whom, however, pointed out two or three very great er- rors he had fallen into, particularly that of suspend- ing a lump of sugar over the Albany tea-tables, which, they assured him, had been discontinued for some years past. Several &milies, moreover, were s^»i^ 30 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR, and written for the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have risen to some post of honor and profit, — peradventm'e, to be a notary - public, or even a justice in the ten -pound court. Beside the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed by the literati of Albany; particularly by ISilr. John Cook, who entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and reading- room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man afler his own heart, — of great literary research, and a curious collector of books. At parting, the latter, in testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his collection ; which were the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism, and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands : by the last of which, Mr. Knicker- bocker profited greatly in his second edition. Having passed some time very agreeably at Al- bany, our author proceeded to Scaghtikoke, where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindneSs. He was much looked up to by the family, being the first historian of the name; and was considered al- most as great a man as his cousin the congressman, — with whom, by the by, he became perfectly recon- ciled, and contracted a strong friendship. In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations and their great attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite lus hopes and anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable situation ; and had he not been a man o£ iiAftxiVAfc xi^yc^ laxsjl t^- ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 31 tilar habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to poHtics, or drinking, — both which per- nicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere spleen and idleness. It is true, he sometimes employed himself in pre-' paring a second edition of his history, wherein he en- deavored to correct and improve many passages with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mis- takes that had crept into it ; for he was particularly anxious that his work should be noted for its authen- ticity; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of history. But the glow of composition had departed, — he had to leave many places untouched, which he would fain have altered ; and even where he did make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the better or the worse. After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest affection ; not merely because it was his native city, but because he really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return, he entered into the full en- joyment of the advantages of a literary reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertise- ments, petitions, handbills, and productions of simi- lar import; and, although he never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and all sides of the question ; in all which he was clearly detected " by his style." He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the post-office, in consequence of the numerous let- ters he received iix)m authors and printers soliciting his subscription, and he was applied to by every charitable society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheeifuhy, considering these aipp'\ica^si!cyci& 32 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR, as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great corporation dinner ; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he be- come, that he could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted ; but several times when he has been sauntering; the streets, on his usual rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little boys at play have been known to cry, " There goes Diedrich ! " — at which the old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations in the light of the praise of posterity. In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and distinctions, together with an ex- uberant eulogium passed on him in the Port Folio, — (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days,) — it must be confessed, that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or have so completely enjoyed in advance their own inmior- taUty. After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knicker- bocker took up his residence at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of their ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes beyond Corlear's Hook ; subject, indeed, to be occasionally overflowed, and much infested, in the summer time, with mosqui- toes ; but otherwise very agreeable, producing abun- dant crops of salt grass and bulrushes. Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of a fever, occasioned by the neighboring marshes, ^ken W fovjisA \vv& ^nd ap- ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR, 33 proaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his fortune to the New York Historical Society ; his Heidelberg Catechism, and Vander Donck's work to the city library ; and his saddle- bags to Mr. Handaside. He forgave all his enemies, — that is to say, all who bore any enmity towards him ; for as to himself, he declared he died in good will with all the world. And, afler dictating sev- eral kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian. His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuy vesant ; and it is rumored, that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a wooden monument to his memory in the Bowlii^ Green. O rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our Dutch progeni- tors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of tlie city of New York, produces this historical essay." ^ Like the great Father of History, whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the twilight of uncertamty had al- ready thrown its shadows, and the night of for- getfidness was about to descend forever. With great solicitude had I long beheld the early his- tory of this venerable and ancient city gradually slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and day by day dropping piece- meal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I, and those reverend Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of good old times, will be gathered to their fathers ; their cliildren, engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past, and pos- terity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and even the . ^ Beloe's Herodotus. 86 TO THE PUBLIC. names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and Peter Stuyvesant, be envel- oped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Ri- naldo, and Grodfrey of Bologne. Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I industriously set myself to work, to gather together all the fragments of our infant history which still existed, and like my reverend prototype, Herodotus, where no writ- ten records could be found, I have endeavored to continue the chain of history by well-authenti- cated traditions. In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have consulted; and all but to little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country, there are none extant which gave any full and satisfactory account of the early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch govern- ors. I have, however, gained much valuable and curious matter, from an elaborate manuscript written in exceeding pure and classic Low Dutch, excepting a few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I likewise gleaned, in my researches among the family chests and lumber-garrets of our respecta- ble Dutch citizens ; and I have gathered a host of well-authenticateen my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival Polybius hinL<»elf, in observing the requisite unity of liistory, yet tlie loose and unconnected manner in which many of tlie facts herein recorded have come to hand, rendered such an attempt extremely diffi- cidt. This difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry cus- toms and institutions in tliis best of cities, and to compare them, when in tlie germ of infancy, with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement. But the chief merit on which I value myseli^ and found my hopes for future regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this invaluable little work ; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis, and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowl- edge. Had I been anxious to captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface of literature ; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of tlie obscurity that overshadows the in&nt years of our city, to introduce a thousand pleas- ing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pitliy tale and marvellous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence might be enthralled*, 3ea\o\]La\>f TcvaA»L\s5kMi^ -ihat TO THE PUBLIC, 39 fidelity, gravity, and dignity, which should ever distinguish the historian. " For a writer of this class," observes an elegant critic, " must sustain the character of a wise man, writing for the in- struction of posterity; one who has studied to inform himself well, who has pondered his sub- ject with care, and addresses himself to our judg- ment, rather than to our imagination." Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned tdty in having incidents worthy of swelling the theme of history ; and doubly thrice happy is it in having such an historian as myself to relate them. For after all, gentle reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their prosperity as they rise, — who blazons forth the splendor of their noon-tide meridian, — who props their feeble me- morials as they totter to decay, — who gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot, — and who piously, at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work and rears a monument that will transmit their renown to all succeeding ages. What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruit- less inquiry of the traveller? They have sunk into dust and silence, — they have perished from remembrance for want of an historian ! The philanthropist may weep over their desolation, — the poet may wander among their mouldering arches and broken columns, and \ii<\\]\!^ ^^ 40 TO TUE PUBLIC. visionary flights of his fancy, — but, alas ! alas ! tlie modem liistorian, whose pen, like my own, is doomed to coiifiiie itself to dull matter-of-fect, seeks in vain among their oblivious remains for some memorial tliat may tell the instructive tale of their glory and their ruin. " Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, "destroy nations, and with them all their monu- ments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The torch of science luis more than once been extin- guished and rekindled ; — a few individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of generations." The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine tenths of those which now flourish on the face of the globe. With most -of them the time for recording their early history is gone by ; their origin, their foun- dation, together with the eventful period of their youth, are forever buried in the rubbish of years ; and the same would have been the case with this fair portion of the earth, if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein recorded were about entering into the wide - spread, insatiable maw of oblivion, — if I had not dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's adamantine fangs were closing upon them forever! And here have I, as before ob served, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip and scrap, ''punt en punt, gat en gatj' and commenced in this Y\U\e v^oyV ^ Vi^atory^ ti TO THE PUBLIC, 41 serve as a foundation on which other historians may hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swell- ing in process of time, until Knickerbocker's New York may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's RomCy or Hume and SmoUefs England! And now indulge me for a moment, while I lay down my pen, skip to some little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead ; and, casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll between, dis- cover myself — little I — at this moment the progenitor, prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of literary wor- thies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back, pressing forward, like a gal- lant commander, to honor and immortality. Such are the vainglorious imaginings that will now and then enter into the brain of the author, — that irradiate, as with celestial light, his soli- tary chamber, cheering liis weary spirits, and animatmg him to persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these rhapsodies whenever they have occurred ; not, I trust, from an unusual spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an. idea how an author thinks and feels while he is writing, — a kind of knowledge very rare and curious, and much to be desired. CONTAININO WVKIta INQBNIOnS THEORIES AND PHILO- SOPniC 9PECULATI0KS, CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF TIIE WOBLD, AS CONNECTED WITH IHB HIBTORI Ot NEW TORK. CHAPTER L ^j^CCORDING to the best authoritieB, SBSljK the world in which we dwell is a huge, *«»• opaque, reflecthig, inanimate mass, float- ing in the vast ethereal ocean of infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid, cnriotisly flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two ima^nary poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the centre ; thus forming an asia on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal revolution. The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of day and night, are produced b)' this diumal reTolutiou ancceaavq^'j 44 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The latter is, according to the i best, that is to say, the latest accounts, a lumi- nous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, from which this world is driven by a centrifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by a centripetal or attractive force ; otherwise called the attraction of gravitation ; the combination, or rather the counteraction of these two opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolu- tion. Hence result the different seasons of the year, viz : spring, summer, autumn, and winter. This I believe to be the most approved modr ern theory on the subject, — though there be many philosophers who have entertained veiy different opinions ; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great antiquity and illustrious character. Thus it was advanced by some of the ancient sages, tliat the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast j)illars ; and by others, that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back of a huge tortoise ; — but as they did not provide a restijig-place for either the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground, for want of proper foundation. Tlie Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations during night ; ^ while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a vast plain, encircled by seven oceanF 1 Faria y Souza. "MitV.. \vjl%. xvoXa \i. T , HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 45 of milk, nectar, and other delicious liquids ; that it is studded with seven mountains, and orna- mented in the centre by a mountainous rock of burnished gold; and that a great dragon occa- sionally swallows up the moon, wliich accounts for the phenomena of lunar eclipses.^ Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound conjectures of Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud-el-Hadheli who is commonly called Masoudi, and sumamed Cothbiddin, but who takes the humble title of Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He has written a imiversal history, entitled " Mou- roudge-ed-dharab, or the Grolden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones/' ^ i^ this valua- ble work he has related the history of the world fix>m the creation down to the moment of writ- ing; which was under the Klialiphat of Mothi Billah, in the month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 33 6th year of the Hegira or flight of the Proph- et. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina constituting the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Grog the left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us, moreover, that an earth has existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7000 years), that it has undergone divers del- uges, and that, according to the opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance, it 1 Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod. a MSS. BibViot Roi. Fr. 46 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. will be renovated every seventy thousandth haz- arouam; each hazarouam consisting of 12,000 years. These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient pliilosophers have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire ; ^ others, that it is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal ; ^ and a third class, at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was noth- ing but a huge ignited mass of iron or stone, — indeed, he declared the heavens to be merely a vault of stone, — and that the stars were stones whirled upward from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.^ But I give little attention to the doctrines of this philos- opher, the people of Athens having fully refuted them, by banishing him from their city : a concise mode of answering imwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former days. Another sect of phi- losophers do declare, that certain fiery particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concen- trating in a single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but being scattered and ram- bling about in the dark at night, collect in vari- ous points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished, not unlike to the 1 Plutarch de placitis Philosoph. lib. ii. cap. 20. 2 Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19. Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81. Stob. Eclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56. Plut. de Plac. Phi. 8 Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8. Plat. Apol. t. i. p. 26. Plut. de Plac. Philo. Xguo\)Iv. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815. HISTORY OF NEW YORJi, 47 lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of exhalatious for the next occasion.^ It is even recorded, that at certain remote and obscure periods, in consequence of a great scar- city of fiiel, the sun has been completely burnt out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heracli- tus, that worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel, that the sun is a mag- nificent, habitable abode; the light it furnishes arising from certain empyreal, luminous or phos- phoric clouds, swimming in its transparent at- mosphere.^ But we will not enter farther at present into the natiu^ of the sun, that being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this history; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content our- selves with the theory advanced in the begin- . ning of this chapter, and will proceed to illus- trate, by experiment, the complexity of motion therein ascribed to this our rotatory planet. Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered into English) was long celebrated in the university of Ley- den, for profound gravity of deportment, and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of exami- 1 Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2. Idem. Probl. sec. 15, Stob. Eel. Phys. 1. i. p. 55. Bruck. Hist. PhiL t. i. p. 1154, &c. a Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72. Idem. 1801, p. 265. Nich. Philos. Joum. I. p. 13. 48 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. natioas, to the infinite relief of his hopeful stu- dents, who thereby worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the course of one of his lectures, the learned pro- fessor, seizing a bucket of water, swung it around his head at arm's lenjrth. The impulse with which he threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his arm oper- ating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, whicli was a substitute lor the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the globular head and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft) which formed no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them, moreover, that the same principle of gravitation, which retained the water in the bucket, restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid revolutions ; and he farther informed tliem that should the motion of the earth be suddenly checked, it would inconti- nently fall into the sun, through the centripetal force of gravitation, — a most ruinous event to this planet, and one which would also obscure, though it most probably would not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those vagrant geniuses, who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertfdning the correctness of the experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor, jast at the moment that the bucket was in its zenith, which im- mediately descended 'w\ll\ «LAtomshing precision HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 49 upon the philosophic head of the instructor of youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortu- nate bucket perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance of Professor Von Podding- coft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with unutterable indignation, whereby the students were marvellously edified, and departed considerably wiser than before. It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most profound and elaborate efforts ; so that after having in- vented one of tlie most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the perverse- ness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and fiatly contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and un- learned entirely upon the philosoplier ; whereas the fiiult is not to be ascribed to his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the wayward- ness 5f dame nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take pleasure in violating all philosopliic rules, and jilting the most learned and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened witli respect to the foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet ; it appears that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its antagonist remains in undiminidlied Y^oleiwr^ % Vsife 4 50 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. world, therefore, according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety to tum- ble into tlie sun ; philosophers were convinced that it would do so, and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfilment of their prognostics. But the untoward planet pertinaciously contin- ued her course, notwitkstanding that she had retison, philosophy, and a whole university of learned professors op|)osed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world, had not a good-na- tured professor kindly olliciated as a mediator between the parties, and effected a reconcilia- tion. Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the tlieory, he wisely determined to accommodate the theory to the world ; he there- fore informed his brotlier philosophers, that the circular motion of the earth round the sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described, than it became a regular revo- lution, independent of the causes which gave it origin. Ilis learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, being heartily glad of any explana- tion that would decently extricate them from their embarrassment ; and ever since that memora- ble era the world has been left to take her own coui*se, and to revolve around the sim in such orbit as she thinks proper. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 51 CHAPTER n. COSMOaONT, OR CREATION OP THK WORLD j WITH A MULTITUDE OP EXCELLENT THEORIES, BT WHICH THE CREATION OF A WORLD IS SHOWN TO BE NO SUCH DIFFICULT MATTER AS COMMON FOLK WOULD IMAGINB. AVING thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some idea of its fonn and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of these points is abso- lutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned island, on wliich is situated the city of New York, would never have had an existence. The regular ooiu^e of my history, therefore, requires that I should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe. And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was perplexed withal ; therefore, I advise them to take fiist hold of> my skirts, and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligible learning, or \vav^ \)aKa 52 ' HISTORY OF NEW YORK. brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names wliich will be flying about in all direc- tions. But should any of them be too indolent or cliicken-liearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the begin- ning of some smoother chapter. Of the creation of the world, we have a thou- sand contradictory accounts ; and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revela- tion, yet every pliilosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a better. As an im- partial historian I consider it my duty to notice their sevend theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and instructed. Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the whole system of tlie universe was the Deity himself ; ^ a doctrine most strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the wliole tribe of Eleatics, as also by Strabo and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythag- oras likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and triad, and by means of his sacred quaternary elucidated the formation of the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and morals.^ Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and triangles ; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere ; the tetrahedron, the octaliedron, 1 Aristot. ap. Cic. lib. i. cap. 3. 2 Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5. Idem, de Coelo. 1. iii. c. 1. liousseau Mem. sur Musique ancicn. p. 39. Plutarch de Plac Fhiloa. lib. i. cap. 3. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 53 the ioosahedron, and the dodecahedron.' While others advocated the great elementary theory which refers the construction of our globe and all that it contains to the combinations of four material elements : air, earth, fire, and water ; with the assistance of a fiMi, an immaterial and vivifying principle. Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus, before the siege of Troy ; revived by Democritus of laughing memory; improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows, and modernized by the fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring whether the atoms, of which the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent ; whether they are animate or inanimate ; whether, agreeably to the opinion of the atheists, they were fortuitously aggregated, or, as the theists maintain, were arranged by a supreme intelligence.^ Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate clod, or whether it be ani- mated by a soul ; ^ which opinion was stren- uously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of phi- losophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine of Platonic love, — an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary 1 Tim. Locr. ap. Plato, t. iii. p. 90. 2 Aristot. Nat. Auscult. 1. ii. cap. 6. Aristoph. Metaph. lib. i. cap. 3. Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10. Justin Mart, orat. ad gent. p. 20. 8 Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4. Tim. de anim. mund. ap. Plat. lib. iii. Mem. de TAcad. des Belles-Lettr. t. XKxli. p. 19, et al. 54 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. island of Atlantis than to the sturdy race, com- posed of rebellious flesh and blood, which popu- lates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit Beside these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old Hesiod, who generated the whole miivei'se in the regular mode of pro- creation, and the plausible ophiion of others, that the earth was hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and was cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,^ has favored us with an accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this mundane egg ; which is found to bear a marvel- lous resemblance to that of a goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this our planet, will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Lat- ins, have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present day. But wliile briefly noticing long celebrated sys- tems of ancient sages, let me not pass over with neglect those of other philosophers ; which, though less universal and renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal chance for correct- ness. Thus, it is recorded by the Brahmins, in the pages of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bistnoo, transforming liimself into a great ^ BooVl \. cYv. l>. I HiarORY OF NEW YORK. 55 boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise, and a mighty snake ; and Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he placed the earth upon the- head of the snake.^ The negro philosophers of Congo afl&rm that the world was made by the hands of angels, ex- cepting their own country, which the Supreme Being constructed himself, that it might be su- premely excellent. And he took great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black, and beautiful ; and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his descendants, became flat. The Mohawk philosophers tell us that a preg- nant woman fell down from heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place was covered with water; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise, paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.^ But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their erudi- tion, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my readers can understand; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more intel- 1 Holwell. Gent. Philosophy. 3 Johannes Megapolensis, Jun. Account of Maqnaas ot Mohawk Indians. 56 HISTORT OF NEW YORK. ligible and fashionable theories of their modem successors. And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, who conjectures that this globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the collision of flint and steeL That at first it was surrounded by gross vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted, according to their densities, esurth, water, and air ; which gradually arranged them- selves, according to their respective gravities, round tlie burning or vitrified mass that formed their centre. Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were universally paramount ; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other words absolutely dissolves into itself. Sublime idea! far surpassing that of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a fountain; or the good dame of Narbonne in France, who, for a volubility of tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred tliousand aad thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at her eyes before half the hideous task was accomplished. Wliiston, the same ingenious philosopher who rivalled Ditton in his researches after the longi- tude (for which the mischief-loving Swift dis- chargod on their lieaAis a. most aa.yory stanza), HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 67 has distinguished himself bj a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it was originally a chaotic cornet^ which being selected for die abode of man, was removed from its eccentric orbit, and whirled round the sun in its present regular motion ; by which change of direction, order succeeded to confusion in the arrangement of its component parts. The phi- losopher adds, that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute fh)m the watery tail of another comet ; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved condition; thus furnishing a mel- aocholy proof that jealousy may prevail, even among the neavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial harmony of the spheres, so melodi- ously sung by the poets. But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of Burnet, and Wood- ward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely that my time will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve, — and shall conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credu- lity as serious research, and who has recom- mended himself wonderfully to the good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gal- lantries, amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora, has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According to his opinion, the huge mass of cliaos took a sudden occasion to explode, like a barrel of gunpowder, and in that act exploded lYve «vxii. 58 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. — which in its flight, by a similar convnlsion, exploded the earth, which in like guise exploded the moon, — and thus by a concatenation of ex- plosions, the whole solar system was produced, and set most systematically in motion ! ^ By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of wliich, if thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude, that the creation of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined. I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could be constructed ; and I have no doubt, that, had any of the philosophers above quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical warehouse chaos at his command, he would engage to manufacture a planet as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we inhabit. And here I cannot help noticing the kindness of Providence, in creating comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their as- sistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the system of nature than are wrought in a pantomimic exhibition by the won- der-working sword of Harlequin. Should one of our modem sages, in his theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds, and in danger of tumbling into the aby^s of nonsense and absurdity, he has but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of his tail, and away he gallops in triumph, like an en- 1 Darw. Bot. Gardeii,PaTt\.eauV..\.\.\^^. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 59 chanter on his hyppogriff, or a Connecticut witch on her broomstick, "to sweep the cobwebs out of the sky." It is an old and vulgar saying about a " beg- gar on horseback," which I would not for the world have applied to these reverend philoso- phers; but I must confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery steeds, are as wild in their curvetings as was Phaeton of yore, when he aspired to manage the chariot ojf Phoebus. One drives his comet at full speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him with the mighty concussion; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and fagots ; a third, of more combustible disposition, threatens- to throw his comet, like a bomb-shell, into the world, and blow it up like a powder-magazine ; while a fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants, insinuates that some day or other his comet — my modest pen blushes while I vmte it — shall absolutely turn tail upon our world, and deluge it with water ! Surely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully provided by Providence for the benefit of philos- ophers, to assist them in manufacturing theories. And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur to my recollection, I leave my judicious readers at fiill liberty to choose among them. They are all serious spec- ulations ' of learned men, — all differ essentially fix)m each o^er, — and all have tlie aaxaa ^A\\fe \g 60 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. belief. It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the works of their pre- decessors, and elevate more splendid &iitasies in their stead, which in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles of a succeeding generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius, of which we make such great parade, consist but in detecting the errors and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown-up children of science amuse themselves, — while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid admi- ration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom ! Surely, Socrates waa right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally incomprehensible, or which, if they could be comprehended, would be found not worthy the trouble of discovery. For my own part, until the learned have come to an agreement among themselves, I shall con- tent myself with the account handed down to us by Moses ; in which I do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbors of Connecticut; who at their first settlement proclaimed, that the col- ony should be governed by the laws of Grod — until they had time to make better. One thing, however, appears certain, — from the imanimous authority of the before-quoted philosopliersi, supported by the evidence of our own senses, (wHch, t\io\x^ Ner^ «^\. \o deceive HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 61 US, may be cautiously admitted as additional tes- timony,) — it appears, I sa^j, and I make the asser- tion deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was created, and that it is composed of land and water. It farther appears that it is curiously divided and parcelled out into continents and islands, among which I boldly declare the renowned Island of New York will be found by any one who seeks for it in its proper place. 62 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER m. HOW THAT FAMOUS NAVIGATOR, NOAH, WAS SHAIUFULLT NICKHAMXD; AND HOW HE COMMITTED AN UNPARDONABLE OTESSIOHT QT NOT UAVINU FOUR SONS ; WITH THE GREAT TROUBLE OF PHILOSOPHBII CAUSED THEREBY, AND THE DISCOVERT OF AMEKIOA. OAH, who is the first seafarmg man we retid of, begat three sons : Shem, Ham, and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting, who affirm that the patriarch had a number of other children. Thus, Berosus makes him father of the gigantic Titans; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus; and others have mentioned a son, named Thu- iscon, from whom descended the Teutons or Teutonic, or in other words, the Dutch nation. I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating mi- nutely the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an imdei*tiiking would be attended with more trouble than many people would imagine; ibr the good old patriarch seems to have been a great traveller in his day, and to have passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The Chaldeans, for instance, give uB his story, merely altering his name into Xisu- tlirus, — a trivial alteration, which, to an histo- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 63 rian, skilled in etymologies, will appear wholly unimportant. It appears, .likewise, that he had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their annals. The Egyptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris; the Indians as Menu; the Greek and Boman writers confound him with Ogyges, and the Theban with Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most extensive and autlientic historians, inas- much as they have known the world much lon- ger than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi ; and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is, that it is a fact, admit- ted by the most enlightened literati^ that Noah travelled into China, at the time of the building of the tower of Babel (probably to improve him- self in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shackford gives us the additional information, that the ark rested on a mountain on the fh)ntiers of China. From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses, many satisfactory deductions might be drawn ; but I shall content myself with the simple &ct stated in the Bible, viz : that Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure con- tingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the most distant, and to the com- mon observer imconnected, are inevitably conse- quent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover these mysterious affiniXAft^^ 64 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. and it is the proudest triumph of his skill, to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causa- tion which at first sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my read- ers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can possibly have with this his- tory, — and many will«6tare when informed, that the whole history of this quarter of the world has taken its character and course from the simple circumstance of the patriarch's having but three sons. But to explain : Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole surviving heir and pro- prietor of the earth, in fee-simple, after the del- uge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children. To Shem he gave Asia ; to Ham, Africa ; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there been a fourth, he would doubtless have inherited America ; which, of course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion ; and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first discovery and popu- lation of this country. Noah, however, having provided for his three sons, looked in all prob- ability upon our country as a mere wild unset- tled land, and said nothing about it ; and to this unpardonable taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortime that America did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 65 It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards posterity, and as- serted that he really did discover America. Thus it was the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that ponderosity of thought, and profoundness of reflection, so peculiar to his nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion for the sea&ring life, superintended the trans- migration. The pious and enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his aversion to the marvellous, common to all great travellers, is conclusively of the same opinion ; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under the immediate direc- tion of the great Noah. "I have already ob- served," exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, "that it is an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it In effect, I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, — a ship which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals and quicksands to guard against, — should be ignorant of, or should not have communicated to his de- scendants the art of sailing on the ocean ? *' Therefore, thej did sail on the ocean •, \\iexeiot^^ 5 66 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. they sailed to America ; therefore, America was discovered by Noali ! Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained the thought of discovering America; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are par- ticularly inquisitive and familiar in their ac- quaintance with the ancients, I shoidd not be sur- prised if some future T\Titers should gravely give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far more copious and accurate than the Bible ; and that, in the coiuBe of an- other century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renawned history of Robinson Crusoe. I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional suppositions, conjectures, and probabiHties respecting the first discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians over- load themselves, in their endeavors to satisfy the doubts ot an incredulowa "world. It ia painAil to HIBTORT OF NEW YORK, 67 see these laborious wights panting, and toiling, and sweating, under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works, which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established the &ct, to the satis&etion of all the world, that this country has been discovered, I shall avail myself of their use^ labors to be extremely brief upon tliis point. I shall notj therefore, stop to inquire, whether America was first discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet, which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that Carthaginian expedition, which Pliny, the naturalist, informs us, discovered the Canary Islands; or whether it was settled by a tempo- rary colony from Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether it was first discovered by the- Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness advances; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biom; nor by Be- hem, the German navigator, as Mr. Otto has en- deavored to prove to the savans of the learned city of Philadelphia. Nor shall I investigate the more modem claims of the Welsh, founded on the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who having never returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to America, and that for a plain reason,^ — if he did not go there, where else could he have gone ? — a ques- tion which most socratically shuts out 8]\ i»x^^'c dispute. 68 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a multitude of others, equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the vulgar opinion, that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492, by Christoval Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus, but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of this Colon, I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been called Colonia, afler his name, that being notoriously self-evident. Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture them to myself all impatience to enter upon the enjojrment of the land of promise, and in full expectation that I will inmiediately deliver it into their possession. But if I do may I ever forfeit the reputation of a regular-bred historian ! No — no, — most curi- ous and thrice learned readers, (for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after,) we have yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discov- erers of this fair quarter of the globe had noth- ing to do but go on shore and find a country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might revel at their ease ? No such thing: they had forests to cut down, un- derwood to grub up^ marshqs to drain, and sav- ages to exterminate. In' like manner, I have sundry doubts to dear HI a TORT OF NEW YORK. 69 away, questions to resolve, and paradoxes to ex- plain, before I permit you to range at random ; but these difficulties once overcome, we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a man- ner, echo the nature of the subject, in the same manner as the somid of poetry has been found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense, — this being an improvement in history which I claim the merit of having invented. 70 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. ■OWniO THE 6BXAT DDTICrLTT PHXUMOnBBS MATS MAB T» PlOniX* AMBSKA : AXD HOW TH^ ABOBIGCntS CAME TO BE BEGOTTEN BT ACOPEXT — TO THE 6BBAT BEUKT ABB •ATISPACnOB OT SHB AV- XHOB. 'E[£ next inquiiy at which we arrive in the regular course of our history is to ascertain, if possible, how this country "vi-as originally peopled, — a point fruitful of in- credible embarrassments ; for unless we prove that the Aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately asserted, in this age of skepticism, that they did not come at all ; and if they did not come at all, then was this country never populated, — a conclu- sion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must syllogbtically prove fatal to the innumerable Aborigines of this populous region. To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue fix>m lo^cal annihilation so manv millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been plundered! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained ! and how many capacious heads of learned historians have been addled, and forever confounded ! I pause with rever- foktial awe, when 1 coutemi^Wft \\i^ \^\)d&inu8 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 71 tomes, in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve this question, so im- portant to the happiness of society, but so in- volved in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and after leading us a weary chase through octa- vos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless some philo- sophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematizes most heartily as ^an irksome agonizing care, a superstitious industry about unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done." But to proceed. Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my last chapter. The claimants next in ce- lebrity are the descendants of Abraham. Thus, Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus) when he first discovered the gold mines of'His- paniola, immediately concluded, with a shrewd- ness that would have done honor to a philoso- pher, that he had found the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellish- ing the temple at Jerusalem; nay, Colon even imagined that he saw the remains of ^maces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refin- ing the precious ore. 72 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of learning ; and, accordingly, there were divers profound >vriters ready to swear to its correct- ness, and to bring in their usual load of author- ities, and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vetablus and Robertus Stephens declared nothing could be more dear; Arius Montanus, without the least hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early set- tlers of the country; while Possevin, Becan, and several other sagacious writers, lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras, which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the Ijiey-stone of an arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability. Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure, than in trudges a pha- lanx of opposite authors, with Hans de Laet, the great Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israel- itish claims to the first settlement of this coun- try, attributing all those equivocal symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, who has always af- fected to comitei-feit the worship of the true Dei- ty. "A remark," says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, " made by all good authors who have spoken of the religion of nations newly dis- covered, and founded besides on the authority HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 73 of the fathers of the churchP Some writers again, among whom it is with much regret I am compelled to mention Lopez de Gomara, and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaan- ites, being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take breath, they foimd themselves safe in America. As they brought neither their national language, manners, nor features with them, it is supposed they left them behind in the hurry of their flight ; — I cannot give my &iith to this opinion. I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, — who being both an ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, — that North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that Peru was founded by a colony from China, — Manco, or Mango Capac, the first Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely men- tion, that father Kircher ascribes the settle- ment of America to the Egyptians, Rudbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a skating party from Fries- land, Milius to the Celtae, Marinocus the Sicil- ian to the Romans, Le Compte to the Phoeni- cians, Postel to the Moors, Martyn d'Angleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage sur- mise of De Laet, that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor. Nor will I bestow any more attention or 74 HiaTORY OF NEW YORK. credit to the idea that America is the fidry region of Zipangri, described by that dream- ing traveller, Marco Polo, the Venetian ; or that it comprises the visionary island of At- lantis, described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish assertion of Para- celsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally furnished with an Adam and Eve; or the more flattering opinion of Dr. Bomayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the Indian race; or the start- ling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Dar- win, so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is accidentally descended from a remarkable family of monkeys ! This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing in stupid wonder at the extrav- agant gambols of a harlequin, all at once electri- fied by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders. Little did I think, at such times, that it would ever fall to my lot to be treated with equal discourtesy, and that, while I was quietly beholding these grave philosophers, emulating the eccentric transformations of the hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and with one hy- pothetical flourish metamorphose us into beasts! I determined from that moment not to bum my fingers with any more of their theories, but con- tent myself with detailing the diffei'ent methods EIBTORT OF NEW YORK. 75 hy which they transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to this great field of theoretical war&xe. This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water. Thus Padre Jo- seph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land : first, by the north of Europe; secondly, by the north of Asia ; and thirdly, by regions southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Gro- tins marches his Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; «ad various writers, among whom are Angleria, De Homn, and Bufibn, anxious for the accom- modation of these travellers, have &stened the two continents together by a strong chain of deductions, — by which means they could pass ovra* dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pink- erton, that industrious old gentleman, who com- piles books, and manufactures Geographies, has constructed a natural bridge of ice, from conti- nent to continent, at the distance of four or ^yb miles from Behring's Straits, — for which he is entitled to the gratefrd thanks of all the wan- dering Aborigines who ever did or ever will pass over it. It is an evil much to be lamented, that none of the worthy writers above quoted could ever commence his work without immediately de- claring hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In this particular, authors may be compared to a certain saga- cious bird, which in building its nest '^ «vvt<6 76 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. to pull to pieces the nests of all the birds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care that, like the not- able pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack each other. My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon, — or that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white bears cruise about the northern oceans, — or that they were conveyed hither by balloons, as modem aero- nauts pass from Dover to Calais, — or by witch- craft, as Simon JVlagus posted among the stars, — or after the manner of the renowned Scyth- ian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard- of journeys on the back of a golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo. But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth all the rest: it is — In/ accident/ Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New Guinea, and New Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes, " in fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been so b^ accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it not have been at the same time, and fy the same means, yatla. th,e other ijarts of the HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 77 ^obe?" This ingenious mode of deducing cer- tain conclusions from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world without anything to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the dex- terity with which the sturdy old Jesuit, in an- other place, cuts the gordian knot : — " Nothing,*' says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of both hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about, it was necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been overcome ! " Pious logician ! How does he put all the herd of laborious theorists to the blush, by explaining, in five words, what it has cost them volumes to prove they knew nothing about ! From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however, are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has actually been peopled^ (Q. E. D.) to support wliich we have living proofs in the nu- merous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Sec- ondly, that it has been peopled in five hundred different ways, as proved by a cloud of authors who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been eye-witnesses to tba fe^ 78 BISTORT OF NEW YORK, Thirdly, that the people of this country had a variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better. The question, therefore, I trust, is forever at rest. HIBTORY OF NEW YORK. 79 CHAPTER V. or WHICH THB AUTHOR PUTS A MIGHTT QUESTION TO THB SOUT, BT THK ASSISTANGA OF THK MAM IN THB MOON, — WHICH NOT ONLY DK- UVXRS THOUSANDS OV PSOPUC FROM GRKAT KMBARRASSMXNT, BUT UKSWISS OONGLUSSS THIS INTRODUCTORT BOOK. HE writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened imto an adventu- rous knight, who, having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of estabhsliing his &me, feels bound, in honor and chivalry, to turn back for no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy he may encoun- ter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and fall to, with might and main, at those doughty questions and subtle paradoxes, which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance to my history, and would fain re- pulse me from the very threshold. And at this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by the beard and utterly sub- due, before I can advance another step in my his- toric undertaking; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to con- duct my readers in triumph into the body of my work. The question which has thus suddenly anaexi^ 80 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, is, What right had the first discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country, with- out first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate compensation for their territory ? — a question which has withstood many fierce assaults, and has given much dis- tress of mind to multitudes of kind-hearted folL And indeed, untU it be totally vanquished, and put to rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they inhabit, with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied consciences. The first source of right, by which property is acquired in a country, is discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to anything which has never before been appropriated, so any ' nation that discovers an uninhabited country, and takes possession thereof, is considered as enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.^ This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly, that the Europeans who first visited America were the real discoverers of the same; nothing being necessary to the establishment of this fact, but simply to prove that it was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point of some difiiculty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible sounds, very much like language ; in short, had a marvellous resem- blance to human beings. But the zealous and ^ Gtotins, PufFendorff, b. v. c. ^. Vatt&l, b» i. c. 18, &c HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 81 enlightened fathers, who accompanied the discov- erers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this point, greatly to the satisfaction of his hoHness the pope, and of all Christian voyagers and discoverers. They plainly proved, and as there were no In- dian writers arose on the other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and established, that the two-legged race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals, detestable monsters, and many of them giants, — which last description of vagrants have, since the times of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered as outlaws, and have received no guarter in either history, chivalry, or song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon de- clared the Americans to be people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a bar- barous custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh. Nor are these all the proofs of their utter bar- barism : among many other writers of discern- ment, UUoa tells us " their imbecility is so visible, that one can hardly form an idea of them differ- ent fix)m what one has of the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquilUty of their souls, equally insensible -to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no im- pression on them, and respect as little." All this is ftirthermore supported by the authority of M. Bouguer. " It is not easy," says he, " to describe the degree of their indifference for weaitYi au^ ?iX^ 82 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, its advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when one would per- suade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money ; they answer they are not hungry." And Vanegas confirms the whole, assuring us that " ambition they have none, and are more de- sirous of being thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us — honor, fame, reputa- tion, riches, posts, and distinctions — are unknown among them. So that this powerful spring of action, the cause of so much seeming good and real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy mortals may be com- pared to children in wliom the development of reason is not completed." Now all these peculiarities, although in the most mienlightened states of Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputa- tion of sages and philosophers, — yet, were they clearly proved in the present instance to betoken a most abject and brutified nature, totally beneath the human character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these unhappy savages into dumb beasts, by dint of argument, advanced still stronger proofe ; for, as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and among the rest Lullus, affirm, — the Ameri- cans go naked, and have no beards ! " They have nothing," says Lullus, "of the reasonable animal, except the mask." And even that mask HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 83 was allowed to avail them but little, for it was soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion : and being of a copper complexion, « it was all the same as if they were negroes : and negroes are black, — " and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing themselves, "is the color of the Devil!" Therefore, so far from being able to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom ; for liberty is too radi- ant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which circumstances plainly convinced the right- eous followers of Cortes and Pizarro, that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they in- fested, — that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless, black-seed, — mere wild beasts of the forests, and like them should either be subdued or exterminated. From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling wilderness, inhab- ited by notliing but wild beasts ; and that the transa^^mtic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein by the right of discovery. This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the right acquired by cultivation. "The cultivation of the soil," we are told, "is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants ; but it would be incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged by the law oi! tv«l- 84 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, ture to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share. Those people, like the ancient Grermans and modem Tartars, who, having fertile coun- tries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to he exterminated as savage and pemi- ciotLS beasts"^ Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture, when first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disor- derly, unrighteous life, — rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting upon the sponta- neous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to yield them anything more ; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown, that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country-seats, and pleasure-grounds, and public gardens ; all which the Indians knew nothing about : therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence had be- stowed on them : therefore, they were careless stewards : therefore, they had no right to the soil: therefore, they deserved to be ^^termi- nated. It is true, the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from the land which their simple wants requu^ed, — they found plenty of game to hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth, furnished a suffi- cient variety f(^r their frugal repasts, — and that, as Heaven merely designed the earth to form 1 VaUeA,\).\.c\\.n. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 85 the abode, and satisfy the wants of man, so long as those purposes were answered, the will of Heaven was accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the bless- ings around them : they were so much the more savages, for not having more wants ; for knowl- edge is in some degree an increase of desires ; and it is this superiority both in the number and mag- nitude of his desires, that distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having more wants, were very unreasonable ani- mals ; and it was but just that they should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one, and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating it, more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides — Gro- tius, and Lauterbach, and Puffendorff, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it — nothing but precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can establish the posses- sion, ^ow, as the savages (probably from never having read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to the soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial desires than themselves. In entering upon a newly discovered, unculti- vated covmtry, therefore, the new coitiet^ n^^x^ 86 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid doctrine, was their own property; — therefore, in opposing them, the savages were invading their just rights, infringing the inimu- table laws of nature, and counteracting the will of heaven : therefore, they were guilty of impi- ety, burglary, and trespass on the case: there- fore, they were hardened offenders against Grod and man: therefore, they ought to be exter- minated. But a more irresistible right than either that I* have mentioned, and one which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be blessed with bowels of charity and philan- thropy, is the right acquired by civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor savages were foimd. Not only de- ficient in the comforts of life, but what is still worse, most piteously and imfortimately blind to the miseries of their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe behold their sad condition, than they immediately went to work to ameliorate and improve it. They in- troduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and the other comforts of life, — and it is astonishing to read how soon the poor savages learned to estimate those blessings ; they likewise made known to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are alleviated and healed ; and that they might comprehend the benefits and enjoy the comforts of these medi- cinea, they previously introduced among them the diseases which they Yfere ea\exiXaXfe^ \ft cwre. BISTORT OF NEW YORK, 87 By these and a variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages wonderfully improved ; they acquired a thousand wants, of which they had before been ignorant ; and as he has most sources of happiness who has most wants to be gratified, they w^re doubtlessly ren- dered a much happier race of beings. But the most important branch of civilization, by and which has most strenuously been extolled the zealous and pious fathers of the Romish Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight that might well inspire hor- ror, to behold these savages tumbling among the dark moimtains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded ; they were so- ber, frugal, continent, and faithful to their word ; but though they acted right habitually, it was all in vain, imless they acted so from precept. The new comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and practise the true religion, — except indeed that of setting them the example. But notwithstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors, and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate ; most insolently alleging, that, from their conduct, the advocates of Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too much for human patience ? — would not one suppose \)!aa.\. 88 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ihe benign visitants from Europe, provoked at their incredulity, iind discouraged by their stiff- necked obstinacy, would forever have abandoned their shores, and consigned them to their origi- nal ignorance and misery ? But no : so zealous were they to effect tlie temporal comfort and eter- nal salvation of these pagan infidels, that they even proceeded from the milder means of persua- sion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution, — let loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious bloodhounds, — purified them by fire and sword, by stake and fagot ; in consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love and charity was so I'apidly advanced, that in a few years not one fifth of the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found tliere at the time of its discovery. What stronger right need the European set- tlers advance to the country than this ? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts, of which they were before wholly ignorant ? Have they not been literally hunted and smoked out of the dens and lurking-j)laces of ignorance and infidelity, and absolutely scourged into the right path? Have not the temporal things, the vain baubles and filtliy lucre of this world, wliicli were too apt to engage their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them; and have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on things above ? And, finally, to use file words of a rcvexcivd S^aivvsh father, in a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 89 letter to his superior in Spain, " Can any one have the presumption to say that these savage Pagans have yielded anything more than an inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet in exchange for a glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven ? " Here, then, are three complete and undeniable sources of right established, any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the newly-discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain parts of this de- lightful quarter of the globe, that the right of discovery has been so strenuously asserted, the influence of cultivation so industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so zealously prosecuted, that, what with their attend- ant wars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the skirts of great benefits, the savage aborigines have, somehow or another, been utterly annihilated ; — and this all at once brings me to a fourth right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds to the clothes of the malefactor ; and as they have Blackstone,^ and all the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions of ejectment at defiance ; — and this last right may be entitled i Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1. 90 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ' the RIGHT BY EXTERMINATION, OF, in otbcr words, the RIGHT BY GUNPOWDER. But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to settle the question of right forever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI. issued a bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese ; who, thus having law and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal, showed the Pagan sav- ages neither favor nor affection, but prosecuted the work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten times more fury than ever. Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly entitled to the soil ; and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far, endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and heathenish condition, — for hav- ing made them acquainted with the comforts of life, — for having introduced among them the light of religion, — and, finally, for having hurried them out of the world, to enjoy its reward ! But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this question should be put to rest forever, I will suppose a parallel case, by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers. Let us suppose, then, t\iat lik^ \£2[:^\tAn.ts of HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 91 the moon, by astonishing advancement in science, and by profound insight into that lunar philoso- phy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the feeble optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our globe, — let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the moon, by these means, had arrived at such a com- mand of their energies, such an enviable state of perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navi- gate the boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring philoso- phers, in the course of an aerial voyage of dis- covery among the stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein at present ; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelm- ing cares and contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind, whether it were most probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon discover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy of sailing in the air and cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navi- gating boating castles, through the worW o^ 92 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, waters, to the simple natives. We have already discovered tlie art of coasting along the aerial shores of our planet, by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their sea-coasts in canoes ; and the disparity between the former and the aerial vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that be- tween the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations; but as they would be unimportant to my sub- ject, I abandon them to my reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his attentive consideration. To return, then, to my supposition ; — let us suppose that the aerial visitants I have men- tioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to ourselves; that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of extermination, — riding on hyppogriffs, — defended with impenetrable ar- mor, — armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines, to hurl enormous moon-stones : in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians, when they first discovered them. All this is very possible ; it is only our self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise ; and I warrant the poor savages, be- fore they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the terrors of glittering steel and tre- mendoiLS gunpowder, were as perfectly convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 93 virtuous, powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are, at this present moment, the lordly inhab- itants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic. Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voy- agers, finding this planet to be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us, poor sav- ages and wild beasts, shall take formal posses- sion of it, in the name of his most gracious and philosophic excellency, the man in the moon. Finding, however, that their numbers are in- competent to hold it in complete subjection, on account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabi- tants, they shall take our worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Ilayti, the mighty Bonaparte, and the great King of Ban- tam, and returning to their native planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as spectacles in the courts of Europe. Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they shall addrcss tlie puis- sant man in the moon, in, as near as I can con- jecture, the following terms : — " Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking-glass, and maintaineth unrivalled con- trol over tides, madmen, and sea -crabs. We, thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the course of which we have landed and taken possession of that ob- scure little dirty planet, which thou beholdest 94 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. rolling at a distance. The five uncouth monsters, which we have brought into this august pres- ence, were once very important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings totally destitute of the common attributes of hu- manity ; and differing m every thing from the in- habitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their heads upon their shoulders, instead of un- der their anns, — have two eyes instead of one, — are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green. " We have moreover foimd these miserable savages sunk into a state of the utmost igno- rance and depravity, every man shamelessly Hving with liis own wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that commu- nity of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy among them, but are, in fiict, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians. Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to introduce among them the light of reason, and the com- forts of the moon. We have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrous oxide, which they swallowed with incredible vo- racity, particularly the females; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the pre- cepts of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the contemptible shackles HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 95 « of religion and common sense, and adoring the profound, omnipotent, and all -perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immutable, immovable perfec- tion. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these wretched savages, that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at naught the sublime doctrines of the moon, — nay, among other abominable heresies, they even went so far as blasphemously to declare, that this inef- fable planet was made of nothing more nor less than green cheese ! " At these words, the great man in the moon (being a very profound philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal au- thority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilom his holiness the Pope, shall forth- with issue a formidable bull, specifying, " That, whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered, and taken possession of a newly-dis- covered planet called the earth; and that, where- as it is inhabited by none but a race of two- legged animals that carry their heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms, cannot talk the limatic language, have two eyes instead of one, are destitute of tails, and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green: — therefore, and for a variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And fiirthermore, the colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet axe au- 96 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. thorized and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and absolute lunatics." In consequence of this benevolent bull, our philosophic benefactors go to work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us from our rightful possessions, relieve os from our wives ; and when we are unreasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say : Miserable barbarians ! imgrateful wretches ! have we not come thousands of miles to improve your worthless pltuiet ; have we not fed you with moonshine ; have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide ; does not our moon give you light every night ; and have you the baseness to mur- mur when we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits 2 But finding that we not only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbe- lief in their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property, their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior powers of argument : hunt us with h}^- pogrifis, transfix us with concentrated simbeams, demolish our cities with moon-stones ; until hav- ing, by main force, converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civiliza- tion and the charms of lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and en- lightened savages of this comitry are kindly suffered to inliabit t\ie iii\ios\)\\Ax\iUi forests of the BISTORT OF NEW YORK, 97 north, or the impenetrable wildernesses of South America. Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strik- ingly illustrated, the right of the eariy colonists to the possession of this country ; and thus is this gigantic question completely vanquished : so, having manfully surmounted all obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a manner besieging ? But hold ; before I proceed another step, I must pause to take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in preparing to begin this most accurate of histo- ries. And in this I do but imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his leisure. ^4Mf T great-gnmd&ther, by tbe mother') 4n^ B ^'^^' I^^i'™^'!'^ ^^"^ Clattercop, n^hen ^ByflB^j employed to build the lai^ stone church at Rotterdam, which stands about three hundred yards to your left after you turn off from the Boomkeys, and which is so conven- iently constructed, that all tbe zealous Chris- tians of Rotterdam prefer sleeping thron|^ > sermon there to any other church in tie dtj, — my great-grandfather, I say, when employed to build that femous church, did in the first place send lo Delfl for a box of long pipes; then faaving purchoaeA a t>«w %\>\tiin%-tiox and HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 99 a hundred-weight of the best Virginia, he sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in treksehuit, from Rotterdam to Amsterdam — to Delft — to Haerlem — to Leyden — to the Hague, knocking his head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he advance grad- ually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he came in ftdl sight of the identical spot whereon the church was to be built. Then did he spend three months longer in walking roimd it and round it, contemplating it, first fix)m one point of view, and then from another, — now would he be paddled by it on the canal, — now would he peep at it through a telescope from the other side of the Meuse, and now would he take a bird's-eye glance at it from the top of one of those gigantic windmills which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on the tiptoe of expectation and impatience ; — notwithstanding all the turmoil of my great- grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen ; they even began to fear it would never be brought into the world, but that its great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing and paddling, and talking and walking, — hav- ing travelled over all Holland, and even taken a peep into France and Germany, — having smoked five hundred and ninety-nme i^ii^^) «sA ^^^\rs^s^ 100 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, three hundred-weight of the best Virginia to- bacco, — my great-grandfather gathered together all tliat knowing and industrious class of citi- zens who prefer attending to anybody's business sooner than their own, and having pulled off his coat and five pair of breeches, he advanced stur- dily up and laid the comer-stone of the church, in presence of the whole multitude — just at the commencement of the thirteenth month. In a similar manner, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full before my eyes, have I proceeded in ^vriting this most authentic history. The honest Rotterdamers no doubt thought my great-grandfather Tvas doing nothing at all to the purpose, w^hile he was making such a world of prefatory bustle about the building of his church, — and many of the ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will miquestionably suppose that all the preliminary chaptei*s, with the discovery, popu- lation, and final settlement of America, w^ere to- tally irrelevant and superfluous, — and that the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced than if I liad never taken, up my pen. Never were wise people more mis- taken in their conjectures : in consequence of going to work slowly and deliberately, the church came out of my grandfather's liands one of the most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in the known world, — excepting that, like our mag- nificent capitol, at Washington, it was begun on 80 grand a scale that the good folks could not afford to finish more than the vnng of it. So, likewise, I trust, if ever I am. able to finish this BISTORT OF NEW YORK, 101 work on the plan, I have commenced, (of which, in simple truth, I som'etimes have my doubts,) it will be found that I have pursued the latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the writings of all the great American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small subject, — which, nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story. . In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that " worthy and irrecoverable discoverer, (as he has justly been called,) Master Henry Hudson," set sail from Holland in a stout vessel called the Half-Moon, being employed by the Dutch East India Com- pany, to seek a northwest passage to China. Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a seafaring man of re- nown, who had learned to smoke tobacco imder Sir Walter Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland, which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused liim to find great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses, the Lords States General, and also of the honorable West India Company. He was a short, square, brawny old gentleman, with a double chin, a mastiff" mouth, and a broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its fiery hue from the constant neighbor- hood of his tobacco-pipe. He wore a true Andrea Ferrara, tucked in a leathern belt, and a commodore's cocked hat 102 HIBTORT OF NEW YORK. on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, — owing to the number of hard northwesters which he had swallowed in the course of his sea&ring. Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so little ; and I have been thus particular in his description for the benefit of modem painters and statua- ries, that they may represent him as he was, — and not, according to their conmion custom with modem heroes, make him look like Caesar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere. As chief mate and favorite companion, the conmiodore chose master Robert Juet, of Lime- house, in England. By some his name has been spelled Ohewit^ and ascribed to the circumstances of his having been the first man that ever chewed tobacco ; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy ; more especially as certain of his pro- geny are living at this day, who write their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early schoolmate of the great Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed chip boats in a neighboring pond, when they were little boys : from whence it is said that the conmiodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it is, that the old people about Limehouse declared Robert Juet to be an unlucky urchin, prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to the gallows. He grew up, as boys of that kind often grow HI8T0RT OF NEW YORK. 103 np, a rambling, heedless varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, — meeting with more perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more wise, prudent, or ill-natured. Under every misfortune, he com- forted himself with a quid of tobacco, and the truly philosophic maxim, that ^ it will be all the same thing a hundred years hence." He was skilled in the art of carving anchors and true lover's knots on the bulk-heads and quarter-rail- ings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even mak- ing a wry face at old Hendrick, when his back was turned. To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning this voyage ; of which he wrote a history, at the request of the conmokodore, who had an unconquerable aversion to writing himself, fix)m having received so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of master Juet*s journal, wluch is written with true log-book brevity, I have availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my great-great-grandfather, who ac- companied the expedition in the capacity of cabin- boy. From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the voyage ; and it mor- tifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an expedition into my work, without mak- ing any more of it ^ Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous 104 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. and tranquil ; the crew, being a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but lit- tle trciubled with the disease of thinking, — a malarly of the mind, which is the sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and sourkrout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless the wind blew. True it is, some slight disaffection was shoii^-n on two or three occasions, at certain unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus, for in- 8t€Lnce, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light, and the weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch seamen as certain weather - breeders^ or prognos- tics that the weather would change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct contradiction to that ancient and sage rule of the Dutch naviga- tors, who always took in sail at night, put the helm a-port, and turned in, — by which precau- tion they had a good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning, and stood but little chance of running down a conti- nent in the dark. He likewise prohibited the seamen from wearing more than five jackets and six pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering tliem more alert ; and no man was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth, as is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances, though they might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tran- quillity of the honest Dutch ttirs, made but tran- sient impression; — they ate hugely, drank pro- /useiy, and slept immeasurably ; and being under HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 105 the especial guidance of Providence, the ship was safely conducted to the coast of America ; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and on, she at length, on the fourth day of September, entered that majestic bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York, and which had never before been visited by any European.^ It has been traditionary in our family, that T^hen the great navigator was first blessed with 1 True it is — and I am not ignorant of the fact — that in a Certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hak- *Uyt, is to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by 5>ne Giovanne, or John Yerazzani, on which some writers are Jticlined to found a belief that this delightful bay had been 'Visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enter- 1:)rislng Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the counte- nance of certain very judicious and learned men) I iiold in ^tter disbelief, and tfiat for various good and substantial Reasons : First, Because on strict examination it will be fbund, that the description given by this Yerazzani applies «ibont as well to the bay of New York as it does to my night- cap. Secondly, Because that this John Yerazzani, for whom 1 already begin to feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of Florence ; and everybody knows the cratiy wiles of these losel Florentines, by which they filched away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon, (vulgarly called Columbus,) and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo Yespucci; and 1 make no doubt they are equally ready to rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this beautiful island, adorned by the city of New York, and pla- • cing it beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly^ I award my decision in favor of the pretensions of HendricK Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from HuUand, being truly and absolutely a Dutch enterprise; — and though all the proofs in the world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at naught, as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not sufficient to sat- isfy every burgher of this ancient city, ail I can say is, they are degenerate descendants from their venerable Dutch ances- tors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, therefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned dis- coverj' is fully vindicated. 106 maroRY of new york. a view of this enchanting island, ho was ob- served, for the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to mas- ter Juet, and uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of the new world, — " See! there ! " — and thereupon, as was always his way when he was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense tobacco-smoke, that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and master Juet was fain to wait imtil the winds dispersed this im- penetrable fog. It was indeed, — as my great-grandfather used to say, — though in truth I never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was bom, — " It was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled forever, in ever new and never-end- ing beauties." The island of Mannahata spread wide before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of industrious magic. Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth ; some pointing their tapering foliage towards the clouds, which were glori- ously transparent ; and others loaded with a ver- dant burden of clambering vines, bowing their branches to the earth, that was covered with flowers. On the gentle declivities of the hills were scattered in gay profiision, the dog-wood, the sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet berries and white blossoms glowed brightly among the deep green of the surrounding foli- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 107 age ; and here and there a curling column of smoke, rising from the little glens that opened along the shore, seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome at the hands of their fel- low-creatures. As they stood gazing with en- tranced attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers, issued from ODe of these glens, and after contemplating in wonder the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swinmiing on a silver lake, sounded the warwhoop, and bounded into the woods Uke a wild deer, to the utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard such a noise, or witnessed such a caper in their whole lives. Of the transactions of our adventm-ers with the savages, and how the latter smoked copper pipes, and ate dried currants ; how they brought great store of tobacco and oysters ; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and how he was huried, I shall say nothing; being that I con- sider them imimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order to re- fresh themselves after their seafaring, om* voy- agers weighed anchor, to explore a mighty river which emptied into the bay. This river, it is %8aid, was known among the savages by the name of the Shatemuck ; though we are assured in an excellent little history published in 1674, by John Josselyn, Gent., that it was called the Mohegan^ and master Richard Bloome, who ^ This river is likewise laid down in Ogilvy's map as Man- '''ttaQ — Noordt Montaigne and Maoritios nver. 108 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same, — so that I very much inclme in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Ilendrick proceed, little doubting but it would turn out to be the much looked-for passage to China ! The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew and the natives, in the voyage up the river; but bs tliey would be impertinent to my history, I shall piws over them in silence, except the following dry joke, played off by the old commodore and his scliool-fellow, Robert Juet, which does such vi\st credit to their experimental philosophy, that I trannot refrain from inserting it. " Our master and his mate determined to try some of the ehiefe men of the countrey, whether they had anv treacherie in them. So thev tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave them so much wine and aqua vita^, that they were all merrie; and one of them had his wife with liim, which sate so nuxlestlv. as anv of our countrev women would do in a stnuige place. In the end, one of tliom wiv? ilninko, which liad been aborde of our sliip iill the time that we had been thene, and tliat wik> stnuisre to them, for thev could not tdl how to t5ike it." * llavinir >{itistieii himself by this ingenious ex- jvriment, i!iat the natives were an hooesf. »- oial race of j'^lly n>ysters^ who luid no ohjectioB to a driukiiiz-lv'Ut sind weiv verv merrv in their - w'-j*:*5 Jo SIS. Puich. PQ- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 109 cups, the old commodore chuckled hugely to him- self, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his cheek, directed master Juet to have it care- fiilly recorded, for the satisfaction of all the nat- ural philosophers of the imiversity of Leyden, •— which done, he proceeded on his voyage, with great self-complacency. After sailing, however, above an hundred mues up the river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow and confined, the current more it^id, and perfectly fresh, — phenomena not im- oommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puz- zled the honest Dutchmen prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated fiill six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's running aground, — whereupon they imanimously concluded, that there was but little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was de- spatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return, confirmed the opinion ; upon this the ship was warped oif and put about, with great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceed- ingly hard to govern ; and the adventurous Hud- son, according to the accoimt of my great-great- graQd&,ther, returned down the river — with a prodigious fiea in his ear ! Being satisfied that there was little Hkelihood of getting to China, unless, like the blind man, he returned* from whence he set out, and took a fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Hol- land, where he was received with great welcome by the honorable East India Company, who were 110 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, very much rejoiced to see him come back safe — with their ship ; and at a large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of Amsterdam, it was unanimously determined, that, as a munificent reward for the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name ! — and it con- tinues to be called Hudson river unto this very day. MISTORY OF NEW YORK, 111 CHAPTER n. NO AN ACCOUNT OF A MIGHTT ARK WHICH HOAT^D, USTDIK ROTECTION OF ST. NICHOLAS, FROM HOLLAND TO GIBBET 18- — THK DBSCENT OF THE STRANGE ANIMALS THEREFROM, —A TICTORT, AND A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANCIENT YIULAGB OF NIPAW. f HE delectable accounts given by the great I Hudson, and master Juet, of the coun- i try they had discovered, excited not a alk and speculation among the good people >lland. Letters - patent were granted by iment to an association of merchants, called est India Company, for the exclusive trade idson river, on which they erected a trad- use, called Fort Aurania, or Orange, firom e did spring the great city of Albany. But Bar to dwell on the various commercial and sing enterprises which took place, — among was that of Mynheer Adrian Block, who ered and gave a name to Block Island, famous for its cheese, — and shall barely 3 myself to that which gave birth to this ned city. vas some three or four years after the re- of the immortal Hendrick, that a crew of ,, Low-Dutch colonists set sail from the f Amsterdam for the shores of America, an irreparable loss to history, and a great 112 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. proof of the darkness of the age, and the lamen- table neglect of the noble art of book-making, since so uidustriously cultivated by knowing sea- captains, and learned supercargoes, that an expe- dition so interesting and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled to give concerning it, — he having once more embarked for this coun- try, with a full determination, as he said, of end- ing his days here, and of begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the land. The ship in which these illustrious adventur- ers set sail was called the Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the Presi- dent of the West India Company, who was al- lowed by everybody (except her husband) to be a sweet-tempered lady — when not in liquor. It was in truth a most gallant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made by the ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model their ships after the fair forms of their countrywomen. Accordinglji it had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one hundred feet fix)m the bottom of the stem-post to the tafferel. Like the beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous cat-heads, a cop- per bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop! The architect, who was somewhat of a relig- ious man, fkr fix>m decorating the ship with par HIBTORT OF NEW YORK, 113 gan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune, or Hercules, (which heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and shipwreck of many a noble vessel,) — he, I say on the contrary, did laudably erect for a head, a goodly image of St Nicholas, equipped with a low, broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk-hose, and a pipe that reached to the end of the bowsprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the stanch ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells, that were not otherwise engaged, rang a triple bobmajor 'on the joyful occasion. My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St. Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with qualities unknown to common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along very nearly as fast with the wind ahead as when it was a-poop, — and was particularly great in a calm ; in consequence of which singu- lar advantages she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to an- chor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of 'Gibbet Island. Here, lifting up their eyes, they beheld, on what is at present called the Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of spreading elms, and the natives all col- lected on the beach, gazing in stupid admiration at the Groede Vrouw. A boat was immediately despatched to enter into a treaty with them, and 8 114 mSTORT OF NEW YORK. approaching the shore, hailed them through a trumpet, in the most firiendlj terms ; but so hor- ribly confounded were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low-Dutch language, that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered over the Bei^n hills ; nor did they stop until they had buried themselves, head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably perished to a man ; — and their bones, being collected and decently covered by the Tammany Society of tliat day, formed that singular mound called Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the centre of the salt marshes a little to the east of the Newark Causeway. Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their High Mightinesses the Lords States Gren- eral ; and, marching feariessly forward, carried the village of Commtjnipaw by storm, notwith- standing that it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported, with the excellencies of the place, that they had very Httle doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had guided them thither, as the very spot whereon to settle their colony. The sofhiess of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of piles; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for the constructing of dykes and dams ; the shallowness of the shore was pe- culiarly fitvorable to t\ie \i\u\daxi^ oC docks ; — in a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 116 word, this spot abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch city. On making a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw, they one and all deter- mined that this was the destined end of their Voyage. Accordingly they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women, and children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and formed themselves into a thriving Settlement, which they called by the Indian name COMMUNIPAW. As all the world is doubtless perfectly ac- quainted with Communipaw, it may seem some- what superfluous to treat of it in the present work; but my readers will please to recollect, KK)twithstanding it is my chief desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, and have to consult the understanding and curi- osity of some half a score of centuries yet to oome, by which time, perhaps, were it not for this invaluable history, the great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct, — sunk and for- gotten in its own mud, — its inhabitants turned into oysters,^ and even its situation a fertile sub- ject of learned controversy and hard-headed in- vestigation among indefatigable historians. Let me then piously rescue from oblivion the humble relics of a place, which was the e^^ from whence Was hatched the mighty city of New York ! Communipaw is at present but a small village, pleasantly situated, among rural scenery, on that ^ Men by inaction degenerate into oyateia. — Kaime». 11*5 :iiST''}Rr JF yfz:T zjwl. '-nantefyiK tmt jI* txs? ^tssKrr ^our -araidt -Toma.- Olli -^»rT»Tni«.raig. ^ jmini arr>5gtiC? Jt 3lie 511- •xjTi Tsi^ *i y^^T T •ns. It .s- TTtiiiiL buc ball an iiDfir r -Aii jI "tit? Laitfcr piatr^. iroviiiiid joa iuiye 4 iur ^niL uni nuy )« 1120111:115 se^so. ±ciii the Dft:*»iiV Trim ny )'W7i -rSDtrl'flM'*?, dlll£ -ilL a ^^iear. «iil -rnmnicr -rf^niiiis "^tu naikv 3ft*ttr« f^jm die hiTi»ii-muiiiiLe*L jmrnttr it dit^ Dmvh: zusgtoes at r.i mninTiiT nt'y- -viii). like ooofiC 'jtker nessDjesw are fiuniiiift i)r 'iieir ri^Hj^ie powiiisw This 0$ peco- Iiari'7" die 'Ml?** m >un«ia»" ev«iiiim«w wfac^zu it is mmiirkbfi by •ixl iii:i«^iiiuii&- -iml 'jbiierv^aiic phik)6- ophftr. will) im:^ miiiie xreiic «.u^'t>¥«ne« in the iiei{rhbt)rhf»«i ot' rhis i.'itj. chaic thej abrajs laogfa Iiinilest. whii^fa. lie anribiice:^ tu die cufir m nstance or' their havin*; their holidar oIiKfae^ on. These netzroesw in tiu.t. like the monks of the dark air^5. en^iroee all the knowledge of the place, and being inHnitely more adTencnrons and more knriwing than their mas^ters^ oarnr on all the hr- eiryiheiw'» lyrfi, for not a horse or an ox in the ' f'MVMi'iat in thft ancient maps, is given to a tract of coun- trx extending; from about HoVw^eulo Xmboy. fflSTOJRY OF NEW YORK. 117 place, when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears the well-known whistle of his black driver and companion. — And from their amazing skill at casting up ac- counts upon their fingers, they are regarded with as much veneration as were the disciples of Py- thagoras of yore, when initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers. As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood ; 80 that they live in profound and enviable igno- rance of all the troubles, anxieties, and revolu- tions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island, — that Spihing-devil and the Narrows are the two ends of the world, — that the country is still under the dominion of their High Mighti- nesses, — and that the city of New York still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent pipe, by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, who they imagine is stiU sweeping the British channel, with a broom at his mast-head. Communipaw, in short, is one of the niunerous little villages in the vicinity of this most b^awti- 118 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, ful of cities, which are so many strongholds and festnesses, whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous strict- ness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate, fix)m father to son : the identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat, and broad- bottomed breeches, continue irom generation to generation ; and several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear, that made gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Com- munipaw. The language likewise continues un- adulterated by barbarous innovations; and so critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect, that his reading of a Low-Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the filing of a handsaw. EI8T0BT OF NEW YORK. 119 CHAPTER in. IV WmOH 18 Sn VOKTH THB TBUS AKT of MAKINO a BABQAIH — TO- CnTHXm WITH THK MIKACDLOnS ESCAPE OF A GEBAT MBTROPOUS IN A FOG — AHD THl BIOaRAPHT OF OKBTAIN UBKOXS OF COXMUinPAW. 'AVlNG, in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter, discharged the filial duty Tdiich the city of New York owed to Communipaw, as being the mother settlement) and having given a faithful picture of it as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of self-approbation, to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importa- tions from Holland, the settlement went jollily on, increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The neighboring Indians in a short time became ac- customed to the uncouth sound of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and the Dutch to long silence ; — in this particular, therefore, they accommodated each other completely. The chiefe would make long speeches about the big bull, the Wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yoA, myn-lter, — whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. 120 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. They instracted the new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the latter, in return, made them drunk with true Hollands — and then taught them the art of making bar- gains. A brisk trade for Airs was soon opened ; the Dutch traders were scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight, establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois, that the hand of a Dutchman weighed one pound, and his fix>t two pounds. It is true, the simple Tndiana were often puzzled by the great disproportion be- tween bulk and weight, for let them place a bun- dle of furs, never so large, in one scale, and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to kick the beam ; — never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two pounds in the market of Communipaw! This is a singular fact, — but I have it direct from my great-great-grandfether, who had risen to considerable importance in the colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on ac- count of the imcommon heaviness of his foot. The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very thriving ap- pearance, and were comprehended under the gen- eral title of Nieuw Nederiandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, — which indeed was truly remarkable, excepting that the former were rugged and mountainous, and. the latter level and marshy. About this time the tranqaiUitj of the Dutch colonists was doomed BISTQRY OF NEW YORK, 121 tq suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, C^ptaih Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a com- mission from Dale, governor of Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this arrogant de- mand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted for tly* time, like discreet and reasonable men. It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of Communipaw ; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in sight, the worthy burghers were seized with Buch a panic, that they fell to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence ; insomuch that they quickly raised a doud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and marshes, com- pletely enveloped and concealed their beloved vil- lage, and overfiung the fair regions of Pavonia, — so that the terrible Captain Argal passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch set- tlement lay snugly couched in the mud, imder cover of all this pestilent vapor. In commemo- ration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inliab- itants have continued to smoke, almost without intermission, amto this very day ; which is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over Communipaw of a clear after- noon. Upon the departure of the enemy, our worthy ancestors took full six months to recover their wind and get over thQ consternation into which they had been thrown. They then called a coim- 122 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. cil of safety to smoke over the state of the prov- ince. At this council presided one Oloffe Van Kortlandt, a personage who was held in great reverence among the sages of Conmiunipaw for the variety and darkness of his knowledge. He had originally been one of a set of peripatetic philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side of the great canal of Amsterdam in^ Holland ; enjoying, like Diogenes, a free and unencumbered estate in sun- shine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or Lack- land) was supposed, like that of the iQustrious Jean Sansterre, to indicate that he had no land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incog- nita ; and he had come out to the new world to look after them. He was the first great land- speculator that we read of in these parts. Like all land-speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly valued among the burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his keep- ing than his waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any great ex- ploit without first soundly sleeping upon it ; and the same may be said of Olofie Van Kortlandt^ who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the Dreamer. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 123 As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit ; and he was as much a lack-land as ever. StiU he carried a high head in the community; if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it off with a taller cock's-tail; if his shirt was none of the deanest, he puffed it out the more at the bosom ; and if the tail of it peeped out of a hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was not mere ruffle. The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of emerging firom the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St. Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before ; and whom he had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw. Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye because he had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was anxious to diange the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be present at the distribution of " town lots." But we must not give heed to sach insinuations, which are too apt to be ad- vanced against those worthy gentlemen engaged in laying out towns, and in other land-specula- lions. For my own part, I am disposed to place the same implicit faith in the vision of Oloffe the Dreamer that was manifested by the honest burgh- 124 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. . ers of Communipaw, who one and all agreed that an expedition should be forthwith fitted out to go on a voyage of discovery in quest of a new seat of empire. This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself; who chose as lieutenants or coadjutors Mynheers Abraham Hardenbroeck, Jacobus Van Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck, — three indubitably great men, but of whose his- tory, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise ; for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have seldom much celebrity in their own countries ; but this much is cer- tain, that the overflowings and offscourings of a country are invariably composed of the rich- est parts of the soiL And here I cannot help remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great fiunilies of doubt- ftd origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly announced them- selves descended firom a god, — and who never visited a foreign country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has been occasionally played off by some pseudo-marquis, baronet, and other illus- trious foreigner, in our land of good-natured cre- dulity, has been completely discountenanced in this skeptical, matter-of-fiict age ; and I even question whether any lender w^bxj who was HISTOBT OF NEW YORK, 125 accidentallj and unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor fire- sides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a shower of gold, or a river god. Had I the benefit of mythology and classic &,ble above alluded to, I should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name. Van Zandt, that is to Bay ^ from the sand, or, in common parlance, irom the dirt; gave reason to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themes, the Cy- clops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra, or the earth ! This supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known that all the progeny of mother earth were of a gigan- tic stature ; and Van Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van Zandt a whit more improb- able or repugnant to belief than what is related and universally admitted of certain of our great- est, or rather richest men ; who, we are told with the utmost gravity, did originally spring from a dunghill ! Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time, which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little man ; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck : that is to say. Hard in the Breech, or, as it was generally rendered. Tough Breeches. Ten Broeck completed this junto of advenlwc- 126 HiarORT OF NEW YORK. ers. It is a singular but ludicrous &ict, — which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth, I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence as incompatible with the gravity and dig- nity of history, — that this worthy gentleman should likewise have been nicknamed from what in modem times is considered the most ignoble part of the dress. But in truth the small-clothes seems to have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors, in all prob- ability from its covering that part of the body which has been pronounced " the seat of honor." The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was some- times spelled. Tin Broeck, has been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. Certain elegant and ingenious writers on the sub- ject declare in favor of Tin, or rather Tkin Breeches ; whence they infer that the original bearer of it was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest, and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly philosophical stanza : — ** Then why should we cj^uarrel for riches, Or any such glittering toys ; A light heart and thin pair of breeches, Will go through the world, my brave boys 1 ** The more accurate commentators, however, d dare in fiivor of the other reading, and affirm tl the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous m. who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable r genitors, was the first to introduce into the set ment the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair breeches. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 127 Sach was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Oloffe the Dreamer to accompany him in this Yoyage into imknown reahns; as to the names of his crews, they have not been handed down by history. Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air, among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, OlofTe had become femih'ar with the aspect of the heavens, and oould as accurately determine when a storm was brewing or a squall rising, as a dutiful husband can foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage when the skies i^peared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's rest, wind up their &imly affairs, and make their wills ; precautions taken by our forefathers even in after-times when they became more adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or KaatskiU, or Groodt Esopus, or toy other fer country, beyond the great waters of the Tappaan Zee. ]28 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. HOW THK H£K0E8 OF COMHUITIPAW VOTAOED TO HELL-OATE, AND H( THET WE&S RECEIVED THERE. ND now the rosy blush of mom begfi to mantle in the east, and soon the ri, ing sun, emerging from amidst golde and purple clouds, shed his blithesome rays c the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It wj that delicious season of the year, when natur breaking from the chilling thraldom of old vd\ ter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny c a sordid old father, threw herself, blushing wit ten thousand charms, into the arms of youtlifi spring. Every tufted copse and blooming gro^ resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. Tl very insects, as they sipped the dew that gemme the tender grass of the meadows, joined in tl joyous epithalamium, — the virgin bud timid] put forth its blushes, " the voice of the turtle wj heard in the land," and the heart of man di solved away in tenderness. Oh! sweet Theo* ritus ! had I thine oaten reed, wherewith thou en did charm the gay Sicilian plains ; — or, oh ! gei tie Bion ! thy pastoral pipe, wherein the happ swains of the Lesbian isle so much delighted then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic ( negligent Idyllium, the rural beauties of ti HiaTORT OF NEW YORK. 129 scene; — but having nothing, save this jaded goosequill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must &in resign all poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose ; com- forting myself with the hope, that, though it may not steal so sweetly upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself with virgin modesty to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of truth. No sooner did the first -rays of cheerful Phoe- bus dart into the windows of Communipaw, than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued fix)m his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a far resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did they trudge resolutely down to the water-side, escorted by a multitude of relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses it, " to see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long family proces- sions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and sexes, laden with bundles and band- boxes, escorting some bevy of country cousins, about to depart for home in a market-boat. The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a tub, which had formerly been the joUy-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now, all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gaz- ing throng upon the beach, who continued shout- ing after them, even when out of hearing, wish- ing them a happy voyage, advising them to take 9 130 HISTORY OB' NEW YORK, good care of themselves not to get drowned, — with an abundance other of those sage and inval- uable cautions, geijerally given by landsmen to such as go down to the sea in ships, and adven- ture upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay, and soon left be- hind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia. And first they touched at two small islands which lay nearly opposite Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into exist- ence about the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the Highlands and made its way to the ocean.^ For in this tremendous uproar of the waters, we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for sixty or seventy miles ; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just opposite Communipaw, and formed the iden- tical islands in question, while others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more ! A suffi- cient proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands is exactly sim- 1 It is a matter long since established by certain of our philosophers, — that is to say, having been often advanced, and never contradicted, it has grown to be [)retty nigh equal to a settled fact, — that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however, becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their extreme* old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent struggle effected its escape. Tnis is said to have come to pass in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art of funning uphill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pretend to be skilled, notwith- standing that I do fully give it my belief. HiaTORT OF NEW YORK. 131 ilar to that of Uie Highlands, and, moreover, one of our philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their respective surfaces, has even gone so fiir as to assure me, in (5onfidence, that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on Anthony's nose.^ Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's Island, since terrible from its fix)wning fortress and grinning batteries. They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since l^ey doubted much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country. Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage OlofFe mark this than he was greatly re- joiced. " This,*' exclaimed he, " if I mistake not, augurs well : the porpoise is a fat, well- conditioned fish, — a burgomaster among fishes, — his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity ; I greatly admire this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his squad- ron to steer in the track of these alderman fishes. Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up Uie strait vulgarly called the East Hiver. And here the rapid tide which courses through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van Kortlandt had embarked, 1 A promoBtoiy in the Highlands. 132 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen ; insomuch that the good conmiodore, who had all his life- long been accustomed only to the drowsy naviga- tion of canals, was more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some fair haven that was to fulfUl all their wishes and expectations. Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous point of land since called Corlear's Hook,^ and leaving to the right the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, sur- rounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at a distance a crew of painted sav- ages, busily employed in fishing, who seemed more like the genii of this romantic region, — their slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay. ' At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little troubled. But as good-fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's boat was stationed a very valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being inter- preted, means chicken^ a name given him in token of his courage). No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens than he trembled with ex- cessive valor, and although a good half-mile dis- 1 Properly spelt hotck (i. e. a point of land). HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 133 tant, he seized a musketoon that lay at hand, and taming away his head, fired it most intrepidly in the face' of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled and gave the valiant Bap an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with conster- nation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers ; and in honor of the achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the sur- rounding bay, and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay fix)m that time to the present. The heart of the good Van Kortlandt — who, having no land of his own, was a great admirer of other people's — expanded to the full size of a pepper- corn at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and falling into a deHcious revery, he straightway began to riot in the pos- ' session of vast meadows of salt marsh and inter- minable patches of cabbages. From this delec- table vision he was all at once awakened by the sadden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for shore ; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of Bellevue, — that happy retreat, where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities. 134 EISTORY OF NEW YORK. Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of the seas, by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided for this perilous voy- age. Thus having well fortified their delibera tive powers, they fell into an earnest consultation what was farther to be done. This was the first council-dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by Chris- tian burghers ; and here, as tradition relates, die originate the great family feud between the Har- denbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which after- wards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The sturdy Hardenbroeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the bottom of Kip's Bay, conn- selled by all means to return thither, and founc the intended city. This was strenuously opposec by the unbending Ten Broeck, and many test} arguments passed between them. The particu lars of this controversy have not reached us which is ever to be lamented ; this much is cer- tain, that the sage Olofle put an end to the dispute by determining to explore still farthei in the route which the mysterious porpoises had so clearly pointed out ; — whereupon the sturdj Tough Breeches abandoned the expedition, tool possession of a neighboring hill, and in a fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country which has continued to be inhabited by the Har- denbroecks unto this very day. By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wan- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 135 ton urchin sporting on the side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens ; and now, the tide having once more turned in their &w>r, the Pavonians again committed them- selves to its discretion, and coasting along the western shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island. And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little marvel and per- plexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the £adr island of Manna hatta ; now were they hur- ried narrowly by the very bases of impending rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath; and anon they were borne away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra jirma was giving them the slip. Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes, a new creation seemed to bloom around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness of nature, who here revelled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now bristled, like the fi-etfiil porcupine, with rows of poplars, (vain upstart plants ! minions of wealth and fasliion !) were then adorned with the vigorous natives of tjie soil : the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, 136 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, the gracefiil elm, — while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay re- treats of luxury, — villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute oft breathes the sighings of some city swain, — there the fish- hawk built his solitary nest on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lovers' moonlight walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage solitude extended over those happy re- gions, where now are reared the stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhomes, ^and the Rhinelanders. Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and unknown scenes, the gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modem mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like an elephant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each other's diarms. To the right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island, drest in the fresh garniture of living green, — beyond it stretched the pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name of Hallef s Cove, — a place infamous in latter days^ BISTORT OF NEW YORK, 137 by reason of its being tbe haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and water- melon patches, and insulting gentlemen naviga- tors, when voyaging in their pleasure-boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, graceftiUy receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista, through which were be- held the silvan regions of Haerlem, Morrisania, and East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly wooded country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines of upland, swelling above each other, while over the whole the purple mists of spring dif- ftised a hue of soft voluptuousness. Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend, wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure, that seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility pre- vailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, height- ened the charms which it half concealed. Ah ! witching scenes of foul delusion. Ah ! hapless voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on these Circean shores ! Such, alas ! are they, poor easy souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world, — treacherous are its smiles ! fatal its caresses. He who yields to its enticements launches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a whirlpool ! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little mistrusting the guileful 138 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, scene before them, drifted quietly on, until they were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agita- tion of their vessels. For now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to boil and foam with horrific fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among tumultuous breakers ; at another, hurried do^^Ti boisterous rapids. Now they were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens ; (infamous rocks ! — more voracious than Scylla and her whelps;) and anon they seemed sinking into ya-wning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged, the winds howled; and as they were hurried aloii^» several of the astonished mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving through the air ! At length the mighty tub of Commodore Yan Kortlandt was di-awn into the vortex of that tre- mendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew were over- powered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the revolution. How the gallant squadi-on of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this modem Charyb- dis, has never been truly -made* known, for so many survived to tell the tale, and, what is still MISTORY OF NEW YORK, 189 more wond^:iiil, told it in so many different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of (pinions on the subject As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses, they found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy oommodore, indeed, used to relate many and wonder^ stories of his adventures in this time of peril : how that he saw spectres flying in the air^ and heard the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were whirled roimd, and found the water scalding hot, and be- held several uncouth-looking beings seated on locks and skimming it with huge ladles ; but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel porpoises, which had be- trayed them into this peril, some broiling on the Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan ! These, however, were considered by many as mere &ntasies of the commodore, while he lay in a trance; especially as he was known to be given to dreaming; and the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained. It is certain, iiowever, that to the accounts of Oloffe and his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this marvellous strait : as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle, — how he broils fish there before a storm ; and many other stories in which we must be cau- tious of putting too much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances, the Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of ffeUe-gat, 140 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, or, as it has been interpreted, HeU-Gate;^ w it continues to bear at the present day. 1 This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance c miles above New York. It is dangerous to shippinj^, u under the care of skilful pilots, by reason of numerous r shelves, and whirlpools. 'I'hese have received sundry a lations, such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan, Hog*s Back, Pot and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, are loth to give the Devil his due, have softened the i characteristic name into Hurl-gate, forsooth ! " Let those care how they venture into the Gate, or thev may be h into the Pot before they are aware of it. 1 he name o strait, as given by our author, is supported by the ma Vander Donck's history, published in 1656, — by Ogi History of America, 1671, — as also bv a journal still e? written in the 16th century, and to be found in Uazard^s Papers. And an old MS. written in French, speaking o rious alterations in names about this city, observes, " De j gatj trou d'Enfer, ils ont fait HeU-ffate, Porte d'Enfer." HIBTORT OF NEW YORK, 141 CHAPTER V. EOW TBM HSEOU OF OOMlCUlflPAW KKTURNSD SOMEWHAT WISER THAH nur WEHT — AND HOW THE SAOE OLOFFE DREAMED A DREAM — AHD THE DREAM THAT HE DIEAMED. HE darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the hohgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning dawned, the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away ; rapids, breakers, and whirlpools had disappeared ; the stream again ran smooth and dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back, to- wards the quarter where lay their much-regret- ted home. The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful countenances ; their squad- ron had been totally dispersed by the late disas- ter. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one Ruleff Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the six- Diile stone; which is held by the Hoppers at this present writmg. The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where, having with 142 HI8T0RT OF NEW YORK. them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern ; whence, it is said, did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants have ever since continued to be reputable publi- cans. As to the Suydams, they were thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts. But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling overboard, was miraculously preserved fix)m sink- ing by the multitude of his nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was found the next morning, busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine. I forbear to treat of the long consultation of Oloffe with his remaining followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny elements, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their yester- day's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia. Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they were encoun- tered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar against the Btream; until, as i£ to aeUle llx^ strife, half a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 143 score of potent billows rolled the tub of Com- modore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay. Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune to strand the expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this western world ; others, more pious, attribute everything to the guardianship of the good St. Nicholas ; and after-events will be found to cor- roborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman. Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him ; and his first thought on finding him once more on dry ground, was, how he should contrive to celebrate his wonderful escape fix)m Hell-gate and all its horrors by a solemn banquet. The stores which had been provided for the voyage by the good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted, but, in casting his eyes about, the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A great store of these was instantly collected ; a fire was made at the foot of a tree; all hands fell to roasting and broiling and stewing and frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to play an important part. On the present occasion, the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be ptirticularly zeal- ous in his devotions to the trencher ; for having the cares of the expedition especially commlU^ 144 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, to his care, he deemed it incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In propor- tion as he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him, did the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his tliroat, until he seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good-nature. And at such times it is, when a man*s heart is in his throat, that he may more truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and good fellowship. Thus having swallowed the last pos- sible morsel, and washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning, and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence. Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful ; and laying his hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and roll- ing his half-closed eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he ex- claimed, in a fat half-smothered voice, " Wliat a charming prospect ! " The words died away in his throat, — he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a moment, — his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs, — his head drooped upon his bosom, — he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole gradually over him. And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream, — and lo, the good St. Nicholas came riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he brings his yearly presents to children, and he descended hard by where the heroes of Commu- nipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by the fire, and sat himself down and i HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 145 smoked ; and as he smoked, the smoke from his pipe ascended into the air and spread like a cloud OYerhead. And Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of country ; and as he con- sidered it more attentively, he fancied that the s great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvellous forms, where in dim obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nich- olas had smoked his pipe, he twisted it in his hat- band, and laying his finger beside his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look ; then, mounting his wagon, he returned over the tree-tops and disappeared. And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed ; and he aroused his companions, and related to them his dream, and interpreted it, that it was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the city here ; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would be the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to this interpretation, excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a gl^eat smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city ; — both which inter- pretations have strangely come to pass ! 10 146 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, — where they were received with great rejoicings. And here, calling a general meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St. Nicholas ; and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a most useful citizen and a right good man — when he was asleep. EI8T0BT OF NEW TOBK, 147 CHAPTER VI. CONTAimNO AN ATTXMPT AT KTTMOLOGT — AND OF THE FOUNDING OF THK OKBAT CUT OF NEW AMSTSBDAU. 'HE original name of the island, where- on the squadron of Communipaw was thus propitiously thrown, is a matter of some dispute, and haa already undergone consid- erable vitiation, — a melancholy proof of the in- stability of all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame ; for who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and tmcertainty ! The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan ; which is said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes. ** Hence," as we are told by an old governor who Was somewhat of a wag, and flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of Philadelphia, — "hence arose the apJ)ellation of man-hat-on, first given to the Indians, and after- wards to the island," — a stupid joke ! but well enough for a governor. 148 • HISTORY OF NEW YORK, Among the more venerable som-ces of infor- mation on this subject is that valuable history of the American possessions, writtetL by Master Richard Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called Manhadaes and Manahanent ; nor must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that authentic hLstorian John Josselyn, Grent, who expressly calls it Manadaes. Another et3niiology, still more ancient, and sanctioned by the coimtenance of our ever-to-be- lamented Dutch ancestors, is that fomid in certain letters still extant,^ which passed between the early governors and their neighboiing powers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes, Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently tmimportant variations of the same name ; for our wise forefathers set little store by those nice- ties either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its uncommon delights. For the Indian tra- ditions affirm that the bay was once a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and flowers ; but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of Ontario. These, however, are very fabulous legends, to 1 Vide Hazard's Col. Stat Pap. HiarORY OF NEW YORK, 149 which very cautious credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last-quoted orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and significant, and which we have on the authority of master Juet ; who, in his accoimt of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this- Manna-hat a, that is to say, the island of manna, or, in other words, a land flowing with milk and honey. Still, my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken bout held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their lives ; who, being delighted with their jovial entertainment, gave the place the name of Mannahattanink, that is to say. The Island of Jolly Topers : a name which it continues to merit to Ihe present day.^ 1 MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, m the archives of the New York Historical Society. 150 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER Vn. HOW THI PBOPLK OF PAVONIA HIGBATED FBOM OOHHUNIFAW 1 ISLAND dp MANNA-HAT A — AND HOW OLOFFS TH£ DBEAMEB i HDISILF A OBSAT LAND-SPECULATOB. jT having been solemnly resolved tha seat of empire should be removed the green shores of Pavonia to pleasant island of Manna-hata, everybody anxious to embark under the standard of C the Dreamer, and to be among the first sh; of the promised land. A day was appointe the grand migration, and on that day little i munipaw was in a buzz and a bustle like a in swarming-time. Houses were turned i: out and stripped of the venerable furniture v had come from Holland; all the commi: great and small, black and white, man, wo and child, was in commotion, forming lines the houses to the water-side, like lines of from an ant-hill ; everybody laden with somt tide of household furniture ; while busy h^ wives plied backwards and forwards along lines, helping everything forward by the nil ness of their tongues. By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes piled up with all kinds of household arti ponderous tables; chests of drawers resplei JilSTORT OF NEW YORK, 151 with brass ornaments ; quaint corner-cupboards ; beds and bedsteads; with any quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat emlmrked a whole family, from the robus- tious burgher do?m to the cats and dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard on the leading boat. This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously observed among the " sons of the p^grims of CJonununipaw," by turning their houses topsy-turvy and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in emblem of the swarming of the jparent-hive ; and this is the real origin of the universal agitation and " moving " by which this most restless of cities is literally turned out of doors on every May-day, As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the shores of Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, ap- peared to oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for chastising this insolence with powder and ball, according to the approved mode of discoverers ; but the sage Oloffe gave them the significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and winking hard with one eye ; whereupon his fol- lowers perceived that there was something saga- cious in the wind. He now addressed the In- dians in the blandest terms ; and made such 152 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. tempting display of beads, hawks'-bells, and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land-specoladon ensued. And here let me give the true story of the original pur- chase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was but sixty guilders. The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition^ that the Dutch discoverers bargained ifx only so much land as the hide of a bullock would cover; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the Indians into the bargain. This, however, is an old fiible which the worthy Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true ver- sion is, that Olofie Tan Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man. could cover with his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his Mend Mynheer Ten Broeck as the man whose breeches were to be used in measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech-clout, stared with astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city. This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the island of Manhattan was bought 1 MSS. of the Bev. John Heckwelder; New Toiic Histori- cal Society. HIBTORT OF NEW YORK. 153 for sixly guilders ; and in corroboration of it I will add, that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable occasion, was elevated to the office of land-measurer; which he ever afterwards exercised in the colony. 154 SI3T0RT OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER Vm. OF THI FOUNDINO AND NAMING OF THK NEW OITT ; OF THK CITT ARMS ; AND OF THE DIKEFUL FEUD BETWEEN TEN BREECHES AND TOUGH BKEEOHSS. 'HE land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very un- usual in the history of colonization, and strongly illustrative of the honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading - house were forthwith erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St. Nicholas had ap- peared in a vision to Oloffe the Dreamer, and which, as has already been observed, was the identical place at present known as the Bowling Green. Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch- built houses, with tiled roofs and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong palisadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. Outside of these ex- tended the cornfields and cabbage -gardens of the community, with here and there an attempt at a tobacco-plantation; all covering those tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street, and Pearl Street HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 155 I muBt not omit to mention, that, in portion- ing out the land, a goodly " bowerie," or farm, was allotted to the sage Oloffe in consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent at dreaming ; and the site of his '' bow- erie" is known by the name of Kortlandt (or Cortlandt) Street to the present day. And now the infant settlement having ad- vanced in age and stature, it was thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it had gone by the original Indian name Manna-hata, or, as some will have it, " The Man- hattoes ** ; but this was now decried as savage and heathenish, and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally pos- sessed it. Many were the consultations held Upon the subject, without coming to a conclu- sion, for though everybody condemned the old name, nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was almost in despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head, proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took every- body by surprise ; it was so striking, so apposite, 80 ingenious. The name was adopted by accla- mation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province continued to call it by the general appellation of "The Manhattoes," and the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata ; but those are a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for noth- ing in matters of this kind. 156 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Having thus provided the embryo city with a name, the nexi was to give it an armorial bear- ing or device, as some cities have a rampant li(m, others a soaring eagle, — emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying qualities of the inhabitants ; so, after mature deliberation, a sleek beaver was emblazoned on the city stand- ard, as indicative of the amphibious origin, and patient, persevering habits of the New Amster- dammers. The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be built ; but at the very first consultation held on the subject, a violent discussion arose ; and I mention it with much sorrowing as being the first altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had existed between those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Tenbrocck and Hardenbroeck, ever since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Hardenbroeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful, from his domains, which embraced the whole chain of Apulean moimtains that stretched along the gulf of Kip*s Bay, and from part of which his descendants have been expelled in lat- ter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the Schermerhomes. An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Hardenbroeck, who proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the manner of the most admired cities in Holland. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 157 To this Mynheer Tenbroeck was diametrically opposed, suggesting, in place thereof, that they should run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the river, on which the town should be built. " By these means," said he, triumphantly, " shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from these im- mense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice, or any amphibious city in Europe." To this proposition, Hardenbroeck (or Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as being preposterous and against the very order of things, as he would leave to every true Hol- lander. " For what," said he, " is a town with- out canals ? — it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for want of a free cir- culation of the vital fluid." Ten Breeches, on the contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of an arid, dry- boned habit : he remarked, that as to the circu- lation of the blood being necessary to existence. Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living contradic- tion to his own assertion; for everybody knew there had not a drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony. Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument; nor have I ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of deformity. At least, such was not the case at present. K Ten Breeches was very happy in 158 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up the last word, rejoined with increasing spirit; Ten Breeches had the advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that invaluable coat of mail in argument, called obstinacy; Ten Breeches had, therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom ; so that, though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without coming to any conclusion ; — but they hated each other most heartily forever after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and Mon- tague did ensue between the fiunilies of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. I would not fetigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my duty as a fiuthful historian requires that I should be particular; and in truth, as I am now treating of the critical period when our city, like a young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since contributed to give it its present picturesque irregularity, I cannot be too minute in detailing their first causes. After the imhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that anything farther was said on the subject worthy of being recorded. The council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met regularly onc^ a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 159 week, to ponder on this momentous subject ; but, either they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent exercise of the brains, — certain it is, the most profound silence was maintained, — the question as usual lay on the table, — the mem- bers quietly smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever enforcing any, — and in the mean time the affairs of the settlement went on — as it pleased Grod. As most of the coimcil were but little skilled in the mystery of combining pot-hooks and hang- ers, they determined most judiciously not to puz- zle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The secretary, however, kept the min- utes of the council, with tolerable precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps ; the journal of each meeting consisted but of two lines, stating in Dutch, that " the coimcil sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes, on the affairs of the colony." By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure distances in Holland at this very time : an admirably exact measurement, as a pipe in the mouth of a true-bom Dutchman is never liable to those accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out of order. In this manner did the profound coimcil of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze, and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what manner they should construct their 160 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. in&jit settlement ; — meanwhile, the town tool care of itself, and like a stmxly brat which if suffered to run about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by whicl: your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the children of men, increased sc rapidly in strength and magnitude, that before the honest burgomasters had determined upor a plan, it was too late to put it in execution, — whereupon they wisely abandoned the subjecl altogether. ■ *-..• EIBTOBY OF NEW YORK. 161 CHAPTER IX. THl OITT OF KXW AXSTSKDAH WAXED GBZAT XTNDXR THS PSO- inON or ST. NICHOLAS AND THE ABSENCE OF LAWS AND STAT- ES — HOW OLOFFE THE DREAMER BEGAN TO DREAM OF AN XXTXN- N OF XMPIRE, AND OF THE EFFECT OF HIS DREAMS. 'HEE.E is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back through the long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse the fairy realms of antiquity. Like a land- )e melting into distance, they receive a thou- i charms from their very obscurity, and the jy delights to fill up their outlines with graces excellences of its own creation. Thus loom my imagination those happier days of our , when as yet New Amsterdam was a mere ioral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores willows, and surrounded by trackless forests wide-spreading waters, that seemed to shut all the cares and vanities of a wicked world. n those days did this embryo city present the J and noble spectacle of a community gov- jd without laws ; and thus being left to its I course, and the fostering care of Providence, eased as rapidly as though it had been bur- ed with a dozen panniers ftdl of those sage laws ally heaped on the backs of young cities — ►rder to make them grow. And in this par- lor I greatly admire the wisdom and sound 11 162 HiaTORT Op NEW YORK, knowledge of human nature, displayed by the sage Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow-legis- lators. For my part, I have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many of my brother philosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be ; and as far as I have ob- served, I am fiilly satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his ears that it is his duty to go right, which makes him go the very reverse. The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intolerable tyranny of law, and the perpetual interference of offi- cious morality, which are ever besetting his path with finger-posts and directions to "keep to the right, as the law directs " ; and like a spir- ited urchin, he turns directly contrary, and gal- lops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches, merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading-strings. And these opin- ions are amply substantiated by what I have above said of our worthy ancestors ; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and guided and governed by statutes and laws, and by-laws, as are their more enlightened descendants, did one and all demean themselves honestly and peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other words, because they knew no better. Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest measures of this infant settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that, like good Christians, they were always ready BIST OB T OF NEW TORE, 163 to serve Grod, after they had first served them- selves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, and provided for their own comfort, they bethought themselves of testifying their grati- tude to the great and good St Nicholas, for his protecting care, in guiding them to this de- lectable abode. To this end they built a fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his name ; whereupon he immedi- ately took the town of New Amsterdam under his peculiar patronage, and he has ever since been, and I devoutly hope will ever be, the tute- lar saint of this excellent city. At this early period was instituted that pious ceremony, still religiously observed in all our an- cient families of the right breed, of hangiag up a stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas eve ; which stocking is always found in the morning miraculously filled ; for the good St Nicholas has ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly to children. I am moreover told that there is a little leg- endary book, somewhere extant, written in Low Dutch, which says, that the image of this re- nowned saint, which whilom graced the bowsprit of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in fix)nt of this chapel, in the centre of what in modem days is called the Bowling Green, — on the very spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend ftirther treats of divers miracles wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth, a whiff of which was a sovereign cure for indigestion, — 164 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. an invaluable relic in this colony of brave trench- er-men. As, however, in spite of the most dili- gent search, I cannot lay my hands upon tliis little book, I must confess that I entertain con- siderable doubt on the subject. Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicho- las, the infant city thrived apace. Hordes of painted savages, it is true, still lurked about the unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still pitched his bower of skins and bark beside the rills that ran through the cool and shady glens, whUe here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian wigwams, whose smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and floated in the transparent atmosphere. A mu- tual good-will, however, existed between these wandering beings and the burghers of New Am- sterdam. Our benevolent forefathers endeavored as much as possible to ameUorate their situation, by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in ex- change for their peltries ; for it seems the kind- hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friend- ship for their savage neighbors, on account of their being pleasant men to trade with, and little skilled in the art of making a bargain. Now and then a crew of these half-human sons of the forest would make their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an air of listless indifference, — sometimes in the market-place, in- structing the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow, — at other times, inflamed with HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 165 lienor, swaggering and whooping and yelling about the town like so many fiends, to the great dismay of all the good wives, who would hmry their children into the house, fasten the doors, and throw water upon the enemy jfrom the gar- ret windows. It is worthy of mention here, that our forefikthers were very particular in holding up these wild men as excellent domestic exam- ples — and for reasons that may be gathered from the history of master Ogilby, who tells us, that "for the least offence the bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife." Wliether this awfiil example had any influence or not, his- tory does not mention ; but it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and obedience. True it is, that the good understanding be- tween our ancestors and their savage neighbors was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have heard my grandmother, who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the history of these parts, teU a long story of a winter's evening, about a battle between the New Amsterdammers and the Indians, which was known by the name of the Peach War, and which took place near a peach orchard, in a dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murderer's Valley. The legend of this sylvan war was long cur- rent among the nurses, old wives, and other an- cient chroniclers of the place ; but time and improvement have almost obliterated both the 166 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. tradition and the scene of battle ; for what was once the blood-stained valley 13 now in the centre of this populous city, and known bj the name of Dey Street I know not whether it was to this " Peach war,** and the acquisitions of Indian land which may have s^rown out of it, that we mav ascribe the first seeds of the spirit of ^annexation" which now began to manifest themselves. Hith- erto the ambition of the wcurthv bui^hers had been confined to the lovelv island of Manna-hata ; and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and Hell-gate on the Sound, were to them the pillars of Her- cules, the ne pltts uhra of human enterprise. Shortlv after the Peach war, however, a restless spirit was observed among the New Amsterdam- mers, who began to cast wistfiil looks upon the wild lands of their Indian neighbors ; for, some- how or other, wild Indian land always looks greener in the eyes of settlers than the land- they occupy. It is hinted that Oloffe the Drvamer encouraged these notions ; having, as has been shown, the inherent spirit of a land- speculator, which had been wonderfully quick- ened and expanded since he had become a land- holder. Many of the common people^ who had never before owned a foot of land, now began to be discontented with the town lots which had fidlen to their shares ; others, who had snug farms and tobacco- plantations, found they had not sufficient elbow-room, and began to question the rights of the Indians to the vast regions they pretended to hold, — while the good Oloffe indulged in mag- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 167 nificent dreams of foreign conquest and great patroonships in the wilderness. The result of these dreams were certain explor- ing expeditions, sent forth in various directions, to " sow the seeds of empire," as it was said. The earliest of these were conducted by Hans Reinier Oothout, an old navigator, famous for the sharpness of his vision, who could see land when it was quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and who had a spy-glass covered with a bit of tar- pauling, with which he could spy up the crook- edest river quite to its head -waters. He was accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as land- measurer, in case of any dispute with the In- dians. What was the consequence of these exploring expeditions ? In a little while we find a frontier post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, estab- lished far to the south on Delaware River ; an- other, called Fort Goed Hoep (or Grood Hope), on the Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River, and another, called Fort Aurania (now Albany), away up the Hudson River ; while the bounda- ries of the province kept extending on every side, nobody knew whither, far into the regions of Terra Incognita. Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the ambitious little province brought upon itself by these indefinite expansions of its territory, we shall treat at large in the after-pages of this eventfiil history ; sufficient for the present is it to say that the swelling importance of the New Netherlands awakened the attention of the 168 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. mother-country, who, finding it likely to yield much revenue and no trouble, began to take that interest in its welfare which knowing people evince for rich relations. But as this opens a new era in the fortimes of New Amsterdam, I will here put an end to this second book of my history, and will treat of the maternal policy of the mother-country in my next. < OP WODTER JEIEVOUS and very much to be com- \ miserated is tlie task of the feeling hi»- _ , torian, who writes the history of his native land. If it fall to his lot to be the re- corder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with hia tears ; nor can he recall the most prosperous and blissful era, witliout a melan- choly sigh at the reflection that it has passed away forever ! I know not whether it be owing to aa immoderate love for tlie simplicity of former times, or to that certain tenderness of heart ind- dent to all sentimental historians ; but I candidly confess that I cannot look back ou the happier 170 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. days of our city, which I now describe, without great dejection of spirit. With faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of oblivion, that veils the modest merit of our venerable ancestors, and as their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before their mighty shades. Such are my feelings when I revisit the fam- ily mansion of the Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the por- traits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust, like the forms they represent. With pious reverence do I gaze on the countenances of those renowned burghers, who have preceded me in the steady march of existence, — whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins, flowing slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its current shall soon be stopped forever I These, I say to myself, are but frail memorials of the mighty men who flourished in the days of the patriarchs ; but who, alas, have long since mouldered in that tomb towards which my steps are insensibly and irresistibly hastening ! As I pace the darkened chamber and lose myself in melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once more into existence, — their countenances to assume the animation of life, — their eyes to pursue me in every move- ment ! Canned away by the delusions of fancy, I almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity ! Ah, hapless Diedrich ! bom in a degenerate age, abandoned to the buffet- ings of fortune, — a stranger and a weary pilgrim BIBTORT OF NEW YORK, 171 in thy natiYe land, — blest with no weeping wife, nor fiunilj of helpless children, but doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held sovereign empire ! Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting recollectious of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on the virtuous days of the patriarchs, — on those sweet days of simplicity and ease, which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna- hata. These melancholy reflections have been forced from me by the growing wealth and importance of New Amsterdam, which, I plainly perceive, are to involve it in all kinds of perils and disas- ters. Already, as I observed at the close of my last book, they had awakened the attentions of the mother-country. The usual mark of protec- tion shown by mother-countries to wealthy colo- nies was forthwith manifested ; a governor being sent out to rule over the province, and squeeze out of it as much revenue as possible. The ar- rival of a governor of course put an end to the protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer. He appears, however, to have dreamt to some purpose during his sway, as we find him afterwards living as a patroon on a great landed estate on the banks of the Hudson ; having virtually forfeited all right to his ancient appellation of Kortlandt or Lack- land. It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that 172 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was appointed governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlandts, under the commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General of the United Netherlands, and the privileged West India Company. This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amsterdam in the merry month of June, the sweetest month in all the year ; when dan Apollo seems to dance up the transparent firmament, — when the robin, the tlirush, and a thousand other wanton songsters, make the woods to re- sound with amorous ditties, and the luxurious little boblincon revels among the clover -blos- soms of the meadows, — all which happy coinci- dence persuaded the old dames of New Amster- dam, who were skilled in the art of foretelling events, that this was to be a happy and prosper- ous administration. The renowned Wouter (or Walter) Van Twil- ler was descended from a long line of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and grown fat upon the bench of magistracy in Rotterdam; and who had com- ported themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety, that they were never either heard or talked of — which, next to being universally applauded, should be the object of ambition of all magistrates and rulers. There are two oppo- site ways by which some men make a figure in the world : one, by talking faster than they think, and the other, by holding their tongues and not thinking at alL By the first, many a smatterer HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 173 acquires the reputation of a man of quick parts ; by the other, many a dun(leq)ate, like tin? owl, the stupidest of birds, comes to Ixi coiL«en9 but his house is defiled by the unsavory visits of a troop of pup-dogs, who even some- times carry their loathsome ravages into the sanctum scmctorum, the parlor! If my readers have ever witnessed the suffer- ings of such a family, so situated, they may form BOfme idea how our worthy ancestors were dis- tressed by their mercurial neighbors of Connecti- cut. Gangs of these marauders, we are told, pene- trated into the New Netherland settlements, and threw whole villages into consternation by their unparalleled volubility and their intolerable in- qoisitiveness, — two evil habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred; for our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own. Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several unoffending bur- ners were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses, — which outrages occa- sioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the modem right of search on the high seas. Great jealousy did they likewise stir up, by their intermeddling and successes among the divine sex; for, being a race of brisk, likely, pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous customs, they attempted to introduce among them that of hundling, wliich the Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty 228 HISTORY OF NJiJyV YORK. and foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to follow, but that their moth- ers, being more experienced in the world, and better acquainted with men and tilings, strenu- ously discountenanced all such outlandish inno- vations. But what chiefly operated to embroil our an- cestors with these strange folk, was an unwar- rantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling themselves down, with- out leave or license, to improve the land, in the manner I have before noticed. This unceremo- nious mode of taking possession of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the appellation of sqitatterSj — a name odious in the ears of all great landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies who seize upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it afterwards. All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating, tended to form that dark and portentous cloud, which, as I ob- served in a former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to their immor- tal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this increasing mass of wrongs, — like that mighty man of old, who, by dint of carrying about a calf from the time it was bom, continued to carry it without difficulty when it had grown to be an ox. BI8T0RT OF NEW YORK. 229 CHAPTER IX. bow tbs fobt ooed hoop was feabrullt beleaguered — how the uofowhbd wouteb fell uito a pbofocxd doubt, aj(d uow ue hhallt btapobated. jY this time my readers must fully per- ceive what an arduous task I have imdertaken, — exploring a little khid of Herculaneum of history, which had lain nearly for ages buried imder the rubbish of years, and almoet totally forgotten, — raking up the hmbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and endeav- oring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to their original fonn and connec- tion, — how lugging forth the character of an almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue, now deciphering a half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal. In such case, how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic of antiquity, or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trap- pings, that it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth fix>m the fiction with which it is envel- oped. This is a grievance which I have more 230 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, than once had to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts respecting this country; and particularly respecting the great province of New Netherlands ; as wHl be perceived by any who will take the trouble to compare their ro- mantic efiusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of fable, with this authentic history. I have had more vexations of the kind to en- counter, in those parts of my history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border, than in any other, in consequence of the troops of histo- rians who have infested these quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlandts no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares, that ^ the Dutch were always mere intruders." Now, to this I shall make no other reply tlian to pro- ceed in the steady narration of my history, which will contain not only proo& that the Dutch had clear title and possessioh in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully dispossessed thereof, but likewise, that they have been scandalously maltreated ever since by the mbrepresentations of the crafty historians of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a regard to immortal feme ; for I would not wittingly dis- honor my work by a single Msehood, misrepre- sentation, or prejudice, though it should gain our forefigithers the whole country of New England. I have already noticed, in a former chapter of HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 231 my history, that the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east, quite to the Yarsche or fresh, or Connecticut river. Here, at an early period, had been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present feir city of Hartford. It was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some historians will have it, — a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class famous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in tlie limb, as though a tail man's body had been mount- ed on a little man's legs. He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an ex- tent, that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the Giant-killer; and BO high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself tmder foot. But notwithstanding the erection of this fort and the appointment of this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the interlopings hinted at in my last cliapter, and at length had the audacity to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these unwarrantable encroach- ments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of inspiring more terror, and forthwith dis- patched a copy of the protest to the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of the aggressions of tlie enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of 232 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity, that greatly ani- mated his adherents, and no doubt struck sore dismay and affright into the hearts of the enemy. Now it came to pass, that about this time the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, full of years and honors, and council - dinners, had reached that period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver, entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He em- ployed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe, amid an assemblage of sages, equally enlightened and nearly as venerable as himself, and who, for their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by certain profound corporations which I have known in my time. Upon reading the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, his excellency fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to en- counter ; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest, he closed his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great atten- tion to the discussion that was going on in his belly, — and which all who knew him declared to be the huge court-house or council-chamber of his thoughts, forming to his head what the house of representatives does to the Senate. An inar- ticulate sound, very much resembling a snore, oc- casionally escaped him; but the nature of this internal cogitation was never known, as he never HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 233 opened his lips on the subject to man, woman, or child. In the mean time, the protest of Van Curlet lay quietly on the table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assem- bled in council; and in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty Fort Goed Hoop were soon as com- pletely beclouded and forgotten as is a question of emergency swalloAved up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of Congress. There are certain emergencies when your pro- found legislators and sage deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and Avhen an ounce of hare-bi*ained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present ; for, while the renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his resolution grow- ing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable appearance in the neighborhood of Fort Groed Hoop. Here they founded the mighty town of Pyqaag^ or, as it has since been called, Weathersfield, a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that worthy his- torian, John Josselyn, Gent., " hath been infii- mous by reason of the Avitches therein." And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop, inso- much that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter without tears in their eyes. 234 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the violence of his choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agi- tated. He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row of abatis ; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his perilous situation. The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fiit, oily, little man, as being less liable to be worn out, or to lose leather on the journey ; and to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleet- est wagon-horse in the garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness of trot, and so tall, that the little messenger was obliged to climb on his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month, though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and twenty miles. With an appearance of great hurry and busi- ness, and smoking a short travelling-pipe, he pro- ceeded on a long swing-trot through the muddy lanes of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt-pies, which the little Dutch children were making in the road ; and for which kind of pastry the children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's house, he climbed BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 235 down from his steed, roused the graj-headed door- keeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descend- ant and fidthfiil representative, the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rat- lied at the door of the council-chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing over a plan for establishing a public market. At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was heard from the chair of the governor ; a whiff of smoke was at the same instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light doud to ascend from tlie bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep sleep for the good of the community, and, according to custom in all such cases established, every man bawled out silence, when, of a sudden, the door flew open, and the little courier strad- dled into the apartment, cased to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his galli- gaskins, which had imfortunately given way in the exertion of descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and with more hurry than perspicuity delivered his mes- sage. But fortunately his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most tranquil of rulers. His venerable excellency had just breathed and smoked his last, — liis liings and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his peacefrd soul having escaped in the last whiff 236 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, that curled from his tobacco-pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his Others, and Wilhelmus Kiefl gov- erned in his stead. £ REIGN OF WILLIAM ffHEN the lofty Thucydides is about to I enter upon his description of the plague that deeolated Athens, one of his modem commentators assures the reader, that the history is now going to be exceeding solemn, serious, and pathetic, and hints, with that air of chuckling gratulalion with which a good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a &vorite, that this plague will give his history a most ^reeable variety. In like manner did my heart leap within me, when I came to the dolorous dilemma of Fort Goed Hoop, which I at once perceived to be the 238 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. forerunner of a series of great events and enter- taining disasters. Such are the true subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of Newgate calendar, a register of the crimes and miseries that man has inflicted on his fellow-man ? It is a huge libel on human nature, to which we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were build- ing up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy of our species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity ? Tyrants, robbers, con- querors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds, and the stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind, — war- riors, who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from motives of virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenceless, but merely to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successfiil in massacring their fellow -beings ! What are the great events that constitute a glo- rious era ? — The fell of empires ; the desolation of happy countries ; splendid cities smoking in their ruins ; the proudest works of art tumbled in the dust ; the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven 1 It is thus the historian may be said to thrive on the miseries of mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock -navigation, that rivers. EIBTORY OF NEW YORK, 239 lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe tliat plots, conspiracies, wars, victories, and massacres are ordained by Providence only as food for the historian. It is a source of great delight to the philos- opher, in studying the wonderful economy of na- ture, to trace the mutual dependencies of things, how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most noxious and apparently unne- cessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms of flies, which are so often execrated as useless vermin, are created for the sustenance of spiders ; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently made to devour flies. So those heroes, who have been such scourges to the world, were bounte- ously provided as themes for the poet and histo- rian, while the poet and the historian were des- tined to record the achievements of heroes ! These, and many similar reflections, naturally arose in my mind as I took up my pen to com- mence the reign of William Kieft : for now the stream of our history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to depart forever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a turbulent and rugged scene. As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a dover-field, dozing and chewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of the Doubter, needed cufls and kicks to rouse it into action. The reader will now witness the manner in which a 240 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. peaceful community advances towards a state of war ; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum, with much prancing and little progress, and too often with the wrong end foremost. Wilhelmus Kiefl;, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, (to borrow a favorite though clumsy appellation of modem phraseologists,) was of a lofty descent, his father being inspector of wind-mills in the ancient town of Saardam; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was one rea- son why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His nanle, according to the most au- thentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver, that is to say, a wrangler or scolder, and expressed the characteristic of his family, which, for nearly two centuries, had kept the windy town of Saar- dam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones tlian any ten families in the phice ; and so truly did he inherit this family peculiarity, that he had not been a year in the government of the province, before he was universally de- nominated William the Testy. His appearance answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman ; such a one as may now and then be seen stumping about our city in a broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His fiice was broad, but his features were sharp ; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red by two fiery little gray eyes ; HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 241 his nose turned up, and the comers of his mouth turned down, pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog. I have hefiu*d it observed by a profound adept in human physiology, that if a woman waxes fat with the progress of years, her tenure of life is somewhat preccuious, but if haply slie withers as she grows old, she lives forever. Such prom- ised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not tlirough the process of years, but through the tropical fervor of liis soul, which burnt like a vehement rusli-liglit in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils and bick- erings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the gallant inroads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty in ancient saws and apothegms, which he was wont to parade in his public harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his spolia opima. Of metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident &ct to pass unargued. It was observed, how- ever, that he seldom got into an argument with- out getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion with his advei'sary for not being con- vinced gratis. He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the sciences, was fond of 16 242 HI ST OB Y OF NEW YORK, experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he had fixed at a Bowerie or country-seat at a short distance from the city, just at what is now called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs of his ingenuity: patent smoke-jacks that re- quired a horse to work them ; Dutch ovens that roasted meat without fire ; carts that went before the horses ; weather-cocks tliat turned against tlie wind ; and other wrong-headed contrivances that astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, was beset with paralytic cats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy ; and the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy victims of science, while aiding in the pursuit of knowledge, soon gained for the pkce the name of *• Dog's Misery," by which it continues to be known even at the present day. It is in knowledge as in swimming: he who flounders and splashes on the surface makes more noise, and attracts more attention, than the pearl- diver who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast 'acquirements of the new governor were the theme of marvel among the simple burghers of Xew Amsterdam ; he figured about the place as learned a man as a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one half of tlie Chinese alpliabet, imd was unanimously pronounced a " universal genius ! " I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp ; but, to speak my mind finely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth his weight in straw. In this HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 243 respect) a little sound judgment and plain com- znon sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or invented theories. Let us see how the universal acquirements of William the Testj aided him in the affairs of govern- ment. 244 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER n. HOW WILUAM THX TESTT UKDBBTOOK TO COMQUS& BT PROCLAMATION — HOW HB WAS A GRKAT MAIT ABROAD, BUT A LITTLB MAN IN HIS OWN HOUSX. lO sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown by a whiff of fortune into the seat of government than he called his council together to make them a speech on the state of affairs. Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace, modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch-pipe; Wilhelmus Kieft^ not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's fece : in other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose, — a preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators. He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthiness of the high post to which he had been appointed ; which made some of the simple burghers wonder why he un- dertook it, not knowing that it is a point of eti- quette Avith a public orator never to enter upon oflice without declaring himself unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded in a manner highly classic and erudite to speak of government HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 245 generally, and of the governments of ancient Greece in particular, together with the wars of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sun- dry outlandiah empires which the worthy burgh- ers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after the manner of your learned orator, treated of things in general, he came, by a natural, round- about transition, to the matter in hand, namely, tiie daring aggressions of the Yankees. As my readers are well aware of the advan- tage a potentate has of liandling his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where he has the talk all on his own side, they may pest assured that William the Testy did not let such an opportunity escape of giving the Yan- kees what is called " a taste of his quality." In speaking of their inroads into the territories of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the Gauls who desolated Eome, the Groths and Yandab who overran the fairest plains of Eu- rope ; but when he came to speak of the impar- alleled audacity with which they of Weathers- field had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question. Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most beUigerent look, and assured the council that he had devised an instrument, potent in its effects, and which he trusted would Boon drive the Yankees from the land. So say- ing, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pock- ets of his broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not 246 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, an infernal machine, but an instrument in writ- ing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table. The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife does at a gun, fearM it may go off half^xxied. The document in question had a sinister look, it is true ; it was crabbed in text, and fix)m a broad red ribbon dangled tlie great seal of the province, about the size of a buckwheat pancake. Still, after all, it was but an instrument in writing. Herein, how- ever, existed the wonder of the invention. The document in question was a Proclamation, ordering the Yankees to depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punish- ments in such case made and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument that Wilhehnus Kieft calculated, pledging his valor as a governor that, once Eliminated against the Yankees, it would, in less than two months, drive every mother^s son of them across the bor- ders. The council broke up in perfect wonder ; and nothinc^ was talked of for some time amon^c the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of the governor, and his new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation. As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to the frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small-clothes, and mounting a taU raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of state, taking HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 247 lessons in government, not from the nymph Ege- ria, but from the honored wife of his bosom ; who was one of that class of females sent upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was a great secret at tlie time, and consequently was not a subject of scan- dal at more than half the tea-tables in New Am- sterdam, but which, like many otlier great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years, — and tliis was, that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato, in short, it partook of the nature of a pm'e, unmixed tyr- anny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat gov- ernment ; — an absolute sway, which, although exceedmgly common in these modem days, was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic economy of honest Socrates; which is the only aiicient case on record. The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to which he submitted through choice, adding at the same time a profound maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that "he who would aspire to govern, should first learn to obey" 248 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER m. IN WHICH ARE REOORDID THE SAGE PROJECTS OF A RULER OF UNIVER- SAL GENIUS — TUB ART OF FIGHTING BT PROCLAMATION — AND HOW THAT THE VAUANT JACOBUS VAN CURLET CAME TO BE FOULLY DIS- HONORED AT FORT GOED HOOP. iEVER was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still better, a more economical measure devised, than this of defeating the Yankees by procla- mation, — an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane, there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding ; but then there was one chance to ten that it would not succeed, — as the ill- natured fates would have it, that single chance carried the day ! The proclamation was perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and well published; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the Yan- kees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose ; and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end, — a fate which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its suc- cessors. So far fh)m abandoning the country, those varlets continued their encroachments, squatting SIS TORT OF NEW YORK, 249 akmg the green banks of the Varsche river, and founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border-towns. I have ah*eady shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eye-sore to Jacobus Van Curlet and his garrison ; but now these moss-troopers increased in their atrocities, kidnapping hogs, impounding horses, and some- times grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could scarcely stir abroad without danger of being out-jockeyed in horse- flesh, or taken in in bargaining ; while, in their absence, some daring Yankee peddler would pen- etrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives with tin ware and wooden bowls.^ I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this part of my history. While raking, with curious hand but pious heart, among the 1 The following cases in point appear in Hazard's Collection of State Papers. " In the meantime, they of Hartford have not onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although unright- eously and against the lawes of nations but have hindered oar nation in sowing theire own purchased broken up lands, bat have also sowed them with come in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe : and have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the hon- ored companie, which were laboring upon theire master's lands, from theire lands, with sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and among the rest, struck Ever Duckings [Evert Duyckmk] a hole in his head, with a stick, so that the bloode ran downe very strongly downe upon his body." " Those of Hartford soli a hogg, tliat belonged to the hon- ored companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg for 5a. if the commissioners would have given bs. for damage ; which the commissioners denied, because noe man's own hogg (as men used to say) can tres- pass upon his owne master's grounde." 250 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in meddUng with the carcass of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his ears. Thus, while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of certain of their unrea- sonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their stings. Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament, — not my misfortune in giving offence, but the wrong-headed perverseness of an ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I would, with all my heart, the fact were otherwise ; but as I am recording the sacred events of history, I 'd not bate one nail's breadth of the honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecti- cut. And in sooth, now that these testy gentle- men have drawn me out, I will make bold to go farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we impartial historians are sent into the world, — to redress wrongs and render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 251 or later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in return. Thus these moss-troopers of tlie east little thought, 1 11 warrant it, while they were hant<*s- ing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Need Hoop, flushed ^vith victory and apple- brandy, might march on to the capital, take it by storm, and annex the whole province to Connect- icut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw Nederlanders as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans ; insomuch that the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to frighten their unruly chil- dren. Everybody clamored around the governor, im- ploring him to put the city in a complete posture of defence ; and he listened to their clamors. Nobody could accuse William the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little purpose. When a youngling, he had been impressed with the words of Solomon, " Gro to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise ; " in conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn, hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or where- fore, busying himself about small matters with an air of great importance and anxiety, and toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was moving a mountain. In the present instance, he called in all his inventive powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, 256 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, making diagrams, and worrying about with a troop of workmen and projectors at his heels. At length, after a world of consultation and con- trivance, his plans of defence ended in rearing a great flag -staff in the centre of the fort, and perching a wind-mill on each bastion. These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm, especially after an addi- tional means of securing the safety of the city had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in this most authentic history, that in the domestic establishment of William the Testy " the gray mare was the bet- ter horse " ; in other words, that his wife " ruled the roast," and in governing the governor, gov- erned the province, which might thus be said to be under petticoat government. Now it came to pass, that about this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly, robustious trum- peter, named Antony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind ; and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument, that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose. This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, with a pleasant, burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little how- erie, or retreat, in the country, where he led a roistering life, giving dances to the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is said HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 257 to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair sex at Kissing Bridge, on the highway to Hellgate.^ To this stiudy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time of darkness and peril) as the very man to second and carry out the plans of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held at the government house, at which the governor's lady presided ; and this lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result of these councils was the elevation of Antony the Trum- peter to the post of commandant of wind-mills and champion of New Amsterdam. The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's heart good to see the gov- ernor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with de- light, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts, twanging defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modem editor to all the principal- ities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands of Antony Van Corlear this windy instrument appeared to him as potent as the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto ; nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns celebrated in holy writ, at the very sound of which the walls of Jericho fell down. Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hos- tilities from the east gradually died away. The 1 The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still exists ; but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowa- days, excepting on sleighing-parties, by the descendants of the patriarchs, who still preserve the traditions of the city. 17 258 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Yaakees made no fiirther invasion ; nay, they de- clared they had only taken possession of Fort Groed Hoop as being erected within their territo- ries. So far from manifesting hostility, they con- tinued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent countenances imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade with the Nederlanders as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the windward of them in a bargain. The old wives of the Manhattoes, who took tea with the governor's lady, attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Antony the Trumpeter. There were not wanting illiberal minds, how- ever, who sneered at the governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere wind ; but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his wind-mills : he had seen them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam, and was persuaded they were connected with the great science of defence ; nay, so much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day, quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento of his policy. I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the Manhattoes, skilful in ex- pounding signs and mysteries, after events have come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the wind-mill into the escutcheon of our city, which HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 259 befi>re had been wholly occupied by the beaver, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would be elbowed aside by the enter- prising Yankee, and patient industry overtopped by windy speculation. 260 EIBTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER V. OF THE JUItlSPRUDENOE OF WILLIAM THE TESTT, AND HIS ADMIRABLE EXPEDIENTS FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF POVERTT. ^MONG the wrecks and fragments of ex- alted wisdom, which have floated down the stream of time from venerable an- tiquity, and been picked up by those humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charon- das the Locrian legislator. Anxious to preserve the judicial code of the State from the additions and amendments of country members and seek- ers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever pro- posed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck ; whereby, in case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up — and there the matter ended. The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one trifling alteration in the judicial code ; and legal matters were so clear and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of employment. The Locri- ans, too, being freed from all incitement to litiga- tion, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that they make scarce any figure in history ; it being only your litigious, quarrelsome, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 261 rantipole nations who make much noise in the world. I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the internal policy of Wil- liam the Testy. Well would it have been for him had he in the course of his universal acquire- ments stumbled upon the precaution of the good Charondas, or had he looked nearer home at the protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy, meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the true wisdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the sequestered paths of pri- vate life so beset by petty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without the risk of letting off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap. In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent ; a class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to abound ; and the commu- nity was soon set together by the ears. Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order. Well am I aware that we have in this ancient 262 HiaroRY OF new tore. city innumerable worthy gentlemen, the knights- errant of modem days, who go about redressing wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish craVings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my ink-bottle forever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the contrary, 1 allude merely to those caitijflf scouts who, in these latter days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry, — who, under its auspices, com- mit flagrant wrongs, — who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are engendered. Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent pas- sions as the facility of gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful suits, were it not for the herds of pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more ignorant classes, who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in itself are ever ready to imbitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to aug- ment the fees. As the quack exhausts the con- stitution, the pettifogger exhausts the purse ; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack is forever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with infallible prescriptions, 80 the client of the pettifogger is ever after prone BISTQflY OF NEW YORK, 263 to embroil himself with his neighbors, and im- poverish himself with successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I have been unwarily betrayed; but 1 could not avoid giving a cool and unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted : having been nearly ruined by a law- suit which was decided against me ; and my ruin having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor. To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the root of all evil, and determined to cut it up, root and branch, and extirpate it from the land. lie had been struck, in the course of his travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices posted up in country towns, that " any vagrant found begging there would be put in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in these neighborhoods ; having doubtless thrown off their rag and their poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to improve upon this hint. In a Httle while a new machine, of his own invention, was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction, far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment of poverty. It was 264 HISTORY OF SEW YORK. for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman so renowned in Bible history ; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the culprit, instead of being suspended bv the neck, according to vener- able custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time — to the infinite entertainment and editication of the re- spectable citizens who usually attend exhibitions of the kind. It is incredible how the little governor chuckled at beholding caitiff vagrants and sturily beggars thus swinging by the crupper, and cutting iuitic gambols in the air. He had a tiiousimd pleas- antries and mirthful conceits to utter upon these occasions. He called them his dandle-lions — his wild-fowl — his high-fliers — his spread-eagles — his fjTOshawks — his scare-crows — and iiiuillv, his gallows-birds ; which ingenious appellation, though originally confined to worthies who had taken the air in this strange manner, has since grown to be a cant name given to all candidates for legal ele- vation. This pwiishment, moreover, if we may credit the assertions of certain grave etymologists, gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing, or strapping, by which our forefathers braced up their multifarious breeches, and which has of late years been revived, and continues to be worn at the present day. Such was the punishment of all petty delin- quents, vagrants and beggars and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way ; as to those who had offended on a great scale, who HISTORY OF NEW YORK 2C5 had been gailtj of flagrant misfortunes and enor- mous backslidings of the purse, and who stood oonvicted of large debts, which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had them straightway indoeed within the stone walls of a prison, there to remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient, however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under Wil- liam the Testy than in more modern days : it being found that the longer a poor devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew. 266 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER VI. PROJECTS OP WILLUM THE TESTT POR INCREASING THE CURRENCY — HE IS OUTWITTED BT THE YANKEES — THE GREAT OYSTER WAR. ,EXT to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those of Wil- liam the Testy, for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose char- acter for wisdom the little governor was some- what emulous, had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets of New Amster- dam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than strings of beads wrought of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and called sea- want or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in ex- change for peltries. In an unlucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who used it to ornament their robes and moccasons, but among the honest burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 267 paper currency of modem days. Tliis consider- ation, however, had no weight with William Eaeft. He began by paying all the servants of the company, and all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modem Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation. And now, for a time, affairs went on swim- mingly ; money became as plentiful as in the modem days of paper cmrency, and, to use the popular phrase, " a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee traders poured into the province, buying everything they could lay their hands on, and paying the worthy Dutch- men their own price — in Indian money. If the latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their tin ware and wooden bowls, the oase was altered ; nothing woidd do but Dutch guilders and such like " metallic currency." What was worse, the Yankees introduced an in- ferior kind of wampmn made of oyster-shells, with which they deluged the province, carrying off in exchange all the silver and gold, the Dutch herrings, and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the knowing men of the east manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the oyster, and leaving them the shell.^ 1 In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Li- brary of the New York Historical Society, is the following mention of Indian money : " Seawant alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the 268 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible bow completely his grand pro- ject of finance was turned against him by his eastern neighbors ; nor would he probably have ever found it out, had not tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were coining up all the oyster-banks. Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense, financial and gastro- nomical. Ever since the council-dinner of OlofFe the Dreamer at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster figured so conspic- uously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind of superstitious reverence at the Manhat- toes ; as witness the temples erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the standard luxury of the place, as is the terra- pin at Philadelphia, the soft crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington. The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the pockets, but the lard- Qimhang or wilk: a shell-fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence, of two colors, black and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of the white and Ihree of the black for an English penny. The seawant depreciates from time to time. The New-England people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a lar^e quantity of beavers and other furs; by which the company is defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet their engagements; while their commissioners and the inhabitants remain over- stocked with seawant, — a sort of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages, &c.** HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 269 ere of the New Amsterdammers ; the whole com- munity was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the stand- ard ; nay, some of the most corpulent Burgomas- ters and Schepens joined the expedition as a corps de reserve, only to be called into action when the Backing commenced. The conduct of the expedition was intrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who for size and weight might have matched with Colbrand the Danish champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named Stoffel Brinkerhoff, or rather, Brinker- hoofd, that is to say, Stoffel the head-breaker. This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led his troops reso- lutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any difficulty of note ; though it is said that some of the burgo- masters gave out at Hardscramble Hill and Hun- gry Hollow, and that others lost heart and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until he arrived in the neighbor- hood of Oygter Bay. Here he was encountered by a host of Yan- kee warriors, headed by Preserved Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Ze- rubbabel Fisk, and Determined Cock! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily believed the whole parliament of Praise-Grod 270 HI8T0RY OF NEW YORK. Barebones had been let loose upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the " selectmen '* of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of arguing, that was, with the cud- gel ; but he used it with such eff'ect that he rout- ed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the inhabitants into the sea if they had not managed to escape across the Sound to the mainland by the Devil's stepping-stoneSj which remain to this day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees. Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and dams, coined and uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand tri- umph, after the manner of the ancients, was pre- pared for him by William the Testy. He en- tered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the enemy, were borne before him, and an immense store of oysters and clams, Weathersfield onions, and Yankee " notions " formed the spolia opima ; while sev- eral coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the hero's triimiph. The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes, performing on the pop- ular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells, while Antony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet fix)m the ramparts. A great banquet was served up in the stadt- hoaae from the dama and o^Xi^x^ \»kfti^ ^m the BIST OB T OF NEW YORK. 271 enemy ; while the governor sent the shells pri- vately to the mint, and had them coined into In- dian money, with which he paid his troops. It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among the ancients to honor their victorious general with public statues, passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern- keeper was permitted to paint the head of Stoffel Brinkerhoff upon his sign I 272 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER Vn. OKOWINO DISOONTBNTS OF NKW AWSTBRDAM UNDEB THX OOYSBNMXirr or WILLIAM THX TESTT. T has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that mider the administration of William Kieft the disposition of the inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry ; and the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment; and the people at large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam, — • insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of consternation and perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is disfigured. The fact was, that about this time the commu- nity, like Baliiam's ass, began to grow more enlightened than its rvvieT, axA \o ^Ww a disposi- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 273 tion for what is called " self-government." This restive propensity was first evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the com- plicated affairs of the province, gradually obfus- cating themselves with politics and tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers aban- doned their stalls to give lessons on political econ- omy; blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out while they stirred up the fires of faction ; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglected their own measures to criti- cize the measures of government. Strange ! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word for it, could have ad- ministered affairs ten times better than William the Testy. Under the instructions of these political ora- cles the good people of New Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a matter of course, exceedingly discontented. They grad- ually found out the fearful error in which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happi- est people in creation, and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and conse- quently ruined people ! We are naturally prone to diacoii\^iA,, «JcA 18 274 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, avaricious after imaginary causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks we belabor our own shoul- ders, and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this said by way of paradox ; daily experience shows the truth of these observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man groaning mider ideal calamities ; but nothing is easier than to render him wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity ; as it would be an Herculean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could topple him off thence. I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generally held at some noted tav- ern, these public edifices possessing what in mod- em times are thought the true fountains of polit- ical inspiration. The ancient Greeks deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it when sober. Mob -politicians in modem times dislike to have two minds upon a subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk; by this means a world of delay is spared ; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk sees double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice as well as his sober neighbors. HI8T0RY OF NEW YORK. 275 CHAPTER Vm. or THl IDIOr OP WILLIAM THE TESTT AGAINST TOBACCO — OP TUB PIPE-PLOT, AND THE &ISE OP PEUDS AND PARTIES. 'ILHELMUS KIEFT, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a sinall scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been greatly an- noyed by the factious meeting of the good people of New Amsterdam, but, observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in their mouth, he be- gan to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and tobacco-smoke. De- termined to strike at the root of the evil, ho began forthwith to rail at tobacco, as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all its uses ; and as to smoking, he denomiced it as a heavy tax upon the pubUc pocket, — a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally he issued an edict, prohibiting the smok- ing of tobacco throughout the New Netherlands. Ill-fated Kiefl ! Had he lived in the ptesent age and attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, 276 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. in fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace : was he gay, he smoked ; was he sad, he smoked ; his pipe was never out of his mouth ; it was a part of his physiognomy; without it his best friends would not know him. Take away his pipe ? You might as well take away his nose ! The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an immense supply of ammunition, sat them- selves down before the governor's house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanduig the reason of this lawless fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and pufling away with redoubled fury, rais- ing such a murky cloud that the governor was fain to take i*efuge in the interior of his castle. A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Antony the Trumpeter. The governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twil- ler, denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment ; these he condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business, in place whereof he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, whicl^ he observed, could be stuck in one comer of the mouth, or twisted in the hat-band, and would never be in the way. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 277 Thus ended this alarming insurrection, which was long known by the name of The Pipe-Plot, and which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots and seditious, in mere smoke. But mark, oh, reader! the deplorable evils which did afterwards result The smoke of these villauous little pipes, continually ascending in a doud about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who use them as vaporish and testy as the gov- ernor himself. Nay, what is worse, from being goodly, burly, sleek -conditioned men, they be- came, like our Dutch yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried, leath- ern-hided race. Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco-pipes we may date the rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlands. The rich and self-im- portant burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to be lazy, adhered to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known &s the Long Pipes ; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian name of Short Pipes. A third party sprang up, headed by the de- scendants of Robert Chewit, the companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether and took to chewing tobacco; hence they were called Quids, — an appellation since given to those 278 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. political mongrels, which sometimes spring up between two great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass. And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving the people at large the trouble of thinkmg. Hesiod divides man- kind into three classes, — those who think for themselves, those who think as others think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a file-leader. Hence the origin of party : which means a large body of people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the lead and discipline the latter ; prescribing what they must say, what they must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above all, whom they must hate ; for no one can be a right good partisan, who is not a thorough-going hater. The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhat- toes, therefore, being divided into parties, were enabled to liate each other with great accuracy. And now the great business of politics went bravely on, the long pipes and short pipes assem- bling in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the State and profit of the tav- ern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so strong in the Dutch language, believing, like true politicians, that they served their party, and glorified themselves in proportion as tliey bewrayed tlieir neighbors. HiarORT OF NEW YORK, 279 But, however they might differ among them- selves, all parties agreed iii abasing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them. Unhappy WiUiam Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be en- trapped, and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign ex{)editions were baffled and . set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees ; all his home measm^es were canvassed and condemned by "numerous and respectable meetings " of pot-house politicians. In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to perpetual whirl- winds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a . passion with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed, however, that your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily upset or blown out of their course ; so was it with William the Testy, who was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his ear. The consequence was, that, though a projector of the first class, yet by continually changing his projects he gave none a fair trial ; and by endeavoring to do everything, he in sober truth did nothing. In the mean time, the sovereign people got into the saddle, showed themselves, as usual, 280 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. nnmercifiil riders ; spurring on the little govern- or with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky devil of a hack-horse, — so that Wilhel- mus Kieft was kept at a worry or a gallop throughout the whole of his administration. HI8T0ET OF NEW YORK. 281 CHAPTER IX. OF THB FOLLT OF BEING HAPPT IN TIME OF PBOSPERITT — OF TROUBLES TO THB SOUTH BROUGHT ON BY ANNEXATION — OP THE SECRET EXPE- DITION OF JAN JANSEN ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT REWARD. F we could but get a peep at the tally of dame Fortune, where like a vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an evil, and that, however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. For- tune in fact is a pestilent shrew, and withal an inexorable creditor ; and though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies, and indulge us in long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. " Since," says good old Boetius, " no man can retain her at his pleas- ure ; what are her favors but sure prognostica- tions of approaching trouble and calamity ? " This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient, — that, the higher one is ele- 282 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, vated on the seesaw balance of fortune, the lower must be his subsequent depression, — that he who is on the uppermost round of a ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top. Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indul«^d in dismal forebodincirs all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubt- er, and considered it wliat Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather wliieh gathered during his days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the Testy. The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the discoveries and annexa- tions of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and Wynant Ten Bi-eeches, the land-meiisurer, made in the twilight days of Oloffe the Dreamer ; by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlands were carried far to the south, to Delaware river and parts beyond. The consequence was, many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like the muttering of distant thunder from behind the momitains, with- out, however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the Testy tliat the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little governor was diligently protecting his east- em boundaries from the Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony of Swedes in the south, who had landed on the HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 283 banks of the Delaware and displayed the banner of tbftt redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their expedition by one Peter Minuits, or Minnewits, a renegade Dutchman, formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses, but who now declared himself gov- ernor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the name of the province of New Sweden. It is an old saying that " a little pot is soon hot," which was the case with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and once in a passion, he soon boiled over. Sum- moning his council on the receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he resorted to his favorite measure of proclama- tion, and despatxjhed a document of the kind, or- dering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of Swedish vagabonds to leave the country imme- diately, under pain of the vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the potentates of the Manhattoes. This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors, which had been thundered against the Yankees ; and William Kieft was preparing to follow it up with some- thing still more formidable, when he received in- telligence of other invaders on his southern fron- tier, who had taken possession of the banks of 284 HISTORY OF SEW YORK. the ScfauTlkilL and built a tort there. They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men« exceedinglj expert at boxing, biting, goug- ing, and other tranches of the raugh-and-tumble mode of war&re« which thev had learned from their prototypes and eousins-german. the Mrgin- ianSb to whom they haye eyer borne considerable resemblance. Like them. too. they were «Teat roisters, much giyen to reyel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple-toddy ; whence their newlj formed colony had already acquired the name of Men-yland. which, with a sliorht modifi- cation, it retains to the present day. In fact, the Merrylander? and their cousins, the Virginians, were represented to William Kieft as o£&ets from the same original stock as his bit- ter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee tribes of the east, haying both come oyer to this country for the liberty of conscience, or. in other words, to liye as they pleased : the Yankees taking to pray- ing and money-making, and conyerting quakers ; and the Southerners to horse-racing and cock- fighting, and breeding negroes. Against these new inyaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a nayal armament of two sloops and thirty men. under Jan Jansen Alpen- dam, who was armed to the yery teeth with one of the little goyemor^s most powerAil speeches, written in yigorous Low Dutch. Admiral Alpendam arriyed without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon the enemy just as they were engaged in a great ^ barbecue," a kind of festivity or carouae mudi px^jdis^ in Merry- 318 TORY OF NEW YORK. 285 land. Opening upon them with the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy, canting, julep -tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-trading, tavern-hunting. Sab- bath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts, and con- cluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately : to which they laconically replied in plain English, " they'd see him d — d fii-st ! " Now, this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, there- fore, totally unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the admiral con- cluded his wisest course would be to return home and report progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where he ar- rived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small expense of treasure and no loss of Hfe. His saving policy gained him the universal appellation of the Saviour of his Coun- try ; and his services were suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole years, when it fell to , pieces and was burnt for firewood. 286 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER X. TROUBLOUS Tims ON THB HUDSON — HOW KILLIAN TAN RKNSKLLABR ERECTED A FEUDAL CASTLE, AMD HOW HE INTRODUCBD CLUB-LAW INTO THE PROYINOB. BOUT this time the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have been kept con- tinually on the boimce. He was on the very point of following up the expedition of Jan Jan- sen Alpendam by some belligerent measures against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter. The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking ^possession of Bearn Island by wapen recht. Wliile the gov- ernor doubted and did nothing; the lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of Rensellaerstein, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest fists in the province. Nicholas Koom, a faithful squire of the patroon, aee\\siomed to strut at his HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 287 heels, wear his cast-ofF clothes, and imitate his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed, unless on the service of their High IMiglitinesses, to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to the lord of Rensellaerstein. This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords States General, how- ever it might have been tolerated by Walter the Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy on coming into office ; and many writ- ten remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian Viui Rensellaer, to wliich the latter never deigned a reply. Thus, by degrees, a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw^ had been estab- lished in the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the very name of Bensellaerstein. Now it came to pass, that, on a fine sunny day, the Company's yacht, the Half-Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was quietly tiding it down the Hudson. The commander, Govert Lockerman, a veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the high poop, quietly smoking his pipe imder the shadow of the proud flag of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Beam Island, he was saluted by a stentorian voice from the shore, " Lower thy flag, and be d — d to thee ! " Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who h&Usd V^sgl 288 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. thus discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the fort, stood Nicholas Koom, armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, for- merly worn by Killian Van Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor. Govert Lockerman eyed the wairior from top to toe, but was not to be dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, ** To whom should I lower my flag ? " demanded he. " To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the lord of Rensellaerstein I " was the reply. " I lower it to none but the Prince of Orange and my masters the Lords States Greneral." So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged determination. Bang ! went a gun from the fortress ; the ball cut both sail and rigging. Grovert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly. Bang! went another gun; the shot whistled dose astern. " Fire, and be d — d," cried Grovert Locker- man, cramming a new charge of tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehe- mence. Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in the " princely flag of Orange." This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Grovert Lockerman. He main- tained a stubborn, though swelling silence ; but his smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke emitted from his HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 289 pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Beam Island. In fact he never gave vent to his passion imtil he got fairly among the highlands of the Hudson ; when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood. It was the sudden apparition of Grovert Lock- erman at Dog's Misery, bearing in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the marauders of Merry- land. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaerstein. Suffice it to Say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery topsy-turvy ; kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the window ; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went into a council of war with Govert Locker- man, the skipper, assisted by Antony Van Cor- lear, the Trumpeter. 19 290 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER XL or THE DIPLOHATIO MISSION OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER TO THE FOR- TRESS OF RENSBLLAERSTEIN — AND HOW HE WAS PUZZLED BY A CAB- AUSTIO REPLY. fUE eyes of aH New Amsterdam were now tmned to see what would be the end of this direful feud between Wil- liam the Testy and the patroon of Rensellaer- wick; and some, observuig the consultations of the governor with the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warhke measures by sea and land. The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates, his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for diplomacy. Accordingly, Grovert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the Company's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Antony the Trumpeter as ambassador, to treat with the bellig- erent powers of Rensellaerstein. In the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Beam Island, and Antony the Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parley to the fortress. In a little while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 291 wacht^neester, rose above the battlenicnts, fol- lowed by his iron visage, aiid ultimately his whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth ; while, one by one, a whole row of Ilelderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall, and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing daunted by this formi- dable array, Antony Van Corleiir drew forth and read with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against the usurpation of Beam Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of the Manliattoes. In reply, tlie waeht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with his fingers. Antony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this sign, which seemed to him sometliing mysterious and masonic. Not liking to betray Ids ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left liand to the little finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal weather-cock. Antony Van Cor- lear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or symbol, current in diplomacy, wliich, though unintelligible to a new diplomat, like himself, would speak volumes to the experi- enced intellect of William the Testy ; consider- ing his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded 292 HIS TOBY OF NEW YORK. his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on his return down the river, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of the wacht- meester, to keep it accurately in mind. Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faith- ful report of his embassy to the governor, accom- panied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas Koorn. The governor was equally per- plexed with his embassy. He was deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry ; but they threw no light on the matter. He knew every variety of windmill and weather-cock, but was not a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in Egyptian hieroglyphics and the mystic symbols of the obelisks, but none fur- nished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his council. Antony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the tliumb of his left hand to the finger of the right, he gave a &dthful fac-simile of the portentous sign. Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put in capitals; but all in vain : the worthy burgomasters were equally perplexed with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his nose, spread his fingers like a hn, imitated the motion of Antony Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious silence. Several times was Antony obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time a circle of nasal weather-cocks might be seen in the council-chamber. Perplexed in the exirecaR, William the Testy HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 293 sent for all the soothsayers, and fortune-tellers, and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koom. The council broke up in sore perplexity. The matter got abroad, and Antony Van Corlear was stopped at every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each of whom de- parted with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to carry the story home to his family. For several days, all business was neglected in New Amsterdam ; nothing was talked of but the diplomatic mission of Antony the. Trumpeter, — nothing was to be seen but knots of politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the mean time the fierce feud between William the Testy and Ballian Van Rensellaer, which at first had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled oflf, like many other war-questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy. Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein may be traced the remote origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in ihe bowels of the Helderberg, imd- have wellnigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van Rensellaers to its foundation ; for we are told that the bully boys of the Helderberg, who served under Nich- olas Koom the wacht-meester, carried back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had 80 sorely puzzled Antony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes ; so that to the present day the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be the reply of the Helder- bergers whenever called upon for «si"^ \<3v^ airears of rent 294 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER Xn. ooNTAnnxo thk bisk of thb orkat AVPHicTrroirio council of th« PILGRIMS, WITH TUE OKOLIlfK AND FINAL XXTINOTION OF WHJJAM THE TKSTT. T was asserted by the wise men of an- cient times, who had a nearer oppor- tunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with mis- fortunes ; and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Neder- lands: for about this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north, incessant forays were made by the border-cliivalry of Con- necticut upon the pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every 'day or two some broad- bottomed express-rider, covered with mud and mire, would come floimdering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale of aggression from the frontier ; whereupon An- tony Van Corlear, seizing his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days, would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleftil notes and disastrous cadence as to throw half the old women in the city into -hysterics ; all whicbi tjeniVeiV \gc^^\.V^ to increase HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 295 his popularity ; there being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently treated to a panic, — a secret well known to the modem editors. But, oh ye powers ! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of the Yankees throw the choleric little governor ! Letter after letter, protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch, were inces- santly fulminated upon them, and the ^ur-and- twenty letters of the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant cam- paigning. All, however, was ineffectual ; even the recent victory at Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of ^ his foul-weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up of those clouds, and indications of more portentous tempest; for the Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable occasion their incom- petency to cope, in fair fight, with the sturdy chivalry of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their brethren who in- habit the east country, which from them has derived the name of Yankee -land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence , was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massa- chusetts, Connecticut, New Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the " United Colonies of New England " ; the pretended object of which was mutual defence against the savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Neder- lands. 296 HI8T0RT OF NEW YORK. For, to let the reader into one of the great secrets of history, the Nieuw Nederlands had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the modem land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of it In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prev- alent people, of that class who only require an inch to gain an ell, or a halter to gain a horse. From the time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate, progress- ing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have face- tiously received the nickname of The Pilgrims : that is to say, a people who are always seeking a better country than their own. The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kiefl with dismay, and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagree- able piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind £dl that he had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic league, by which the states of Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very idea made his heart quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes. The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of delegates held at Boston, which Kiefl denominated the Delphos of this trvly classic league. The very first meeting gave HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 297 evidence of hostility to the Nieuw Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the In- dians, with carrying on a traffic in " guns, pow- ther and shott, — a trade damnable and injuri- ous to the colonists." It is true the CJonnecticut traders were fain to dabble a little in this dam- nable traffic ; but then they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculated to burst in the pagan hands which used them. The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head, but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlands, he continued occasionally to frdminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea-captain fires his guns into a water- spout ; but alas ! they had no more effect than so many blank cartridges. Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy; for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, ani to have slipped forever through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern that such obscurity should hang over his latter days ; for he was in truth a mighty and great-little man, and worthy of being utterly re- no^vned, seeing that he was the firet potentate that introduced into this land the art of fight- ing by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and wind-mills. 298 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. It is true, that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlands, taking advantage of Ids mys- terious exit, have fabled, that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the Crab ; while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had experienced a fate similar to tliat of the good king Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient bards, was carried away to the deli- cious abodes of fairy-land, where he still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity, which prevailed in the glorious days of the Rotind Table. ^ All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of those dreaming varlets, the poets, to which I would not have my judi- cious readers attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient and rather apocry- phal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his wind-mills ; nor a writer of latter times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in natural history, having the misfor- tune to break his neck from a garret-window of 1 The old Welsh bards believed that king Arthur was not dead, but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he sholde remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne in as great authority as ever. — Hollinshkd. The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all Britaigne, for certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn — He say'd that his deth shall bedoubteous; and said soth, for men thereof yet have doubte and shullen for ever more — for men wyt not whether that he lyveth or is dede. — Dr. Lebw. Chron. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 299 the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore, discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the CatskUl mountains.^ 1 Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which bor- der a little on the marvellous. The stoi^ of the golden ore rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable Adnan Van der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the latter^ in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment, the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump, and gave it to be proved by a skilful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montagne, one of the coun- cillors of the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces of gold, worth aoout three guilders. All this, continues Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the Mohawks, an officer and a few men were sent to the mountain, (in the region of the Kaats- kill,) under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the pre- cious mineral. They brought back a bucket full of ore ; which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discover}' certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent Corsen, with a* bag full of the mineral, to New Haven, to take passage in an English ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board per- ished. In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the Princess, taking with him specimens of the sup- posed mineral. The ship was never heard of more ! Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but pyrites ; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New Netherlands, declared in Holland that he had tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory.* * See Van der Donck's "Description of the New Netherlands." Collect. New Yorkllist, Society, Vol. I. p. 161. 800 HISTORY OF XEW YORK. The most probable account declares, that, what with the constant troubles on his frontiers, the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own pericranium, the memorials, petitions, remon- stranceSy and sage pieces of advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refrac- tory disposition of his councillors, who were sure to difier from him on every point, and uniformly to be in the wrong, his mind was kept in a frir- nace-heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch fiimily-pipe which has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did he undergo a kind of animal combustion, consuming away like a Birthing rush- light : so that when grim death finally snuffed him out, there was scarce left enough of him to bury! It woold appear, howerer, that these golden" treasures of the Kaatskili always brought ill luck: as is evidenced in the fate of Arent Conen and Wilhelmus Kieft,and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the mysteries of the Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of the goblins which haunt them. COHTAIHIHG TBE FIRST FART OF THB BEION OF PBTBK TTONIC COUNCIL. CHAPTER I. ^3c3[0 a profound philosopher like myself, ^fl SH who am apt lo see clear through a aub- ^S«^ ject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but half-way, there is no &ct more simple and manifest than that the death of a great man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of onrselrea, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the mill- ion, it is certain that the greatest among os do actually fill bnt an exceeding small space in the world ; and it is equally certain, tiiat even that small space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. " Of what consequence is it," said Eluvi^ 302 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ^ that individuals appear, or make their exit ? the world is a theatre whose scenes and actors are continually chauging." Never did philosopher speak more correctly ; and I only wonder that so wise a remark could have existed so many ages, and mankind not Iiave laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage ; one hero just steps out of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him ; and of the proudest monarch it is merely said, that " he slept with his fiithers, and his successor reigned in his stead." The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss, and if left to itself would soon forget to grieve ; and though a nation has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an individ- ual tear has been shed on the occasion, excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian, the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to sustain, — who — kind soub I — like undertakers in Eng- land, act the part of chief moumei's, — who in- flate a nation with siglis it never heaved, and deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. ^Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping and howling, in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating and drink- ing, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John. Doe «jid Richard Roe, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 303 of the plaintifFs for whom they are generously pleased to become sureties. The most glorious hero that ever desolated Bations might have mouldered into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monmnent, did not some historian take him into favor, and benev- olently transmit his name to posterity ; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bus- tled, and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic history for all his future celebrity. His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its vicinity : the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their spheres ; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero ; the rocks (hard- hearted varlets !) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang their heads in silent sorrow ; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose as he ever did on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a very busy, active, bustling little gov- ernor ; that he was " the father of his country " ; that he was " the noblest work of God " ; that " he was a man, take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again " ; together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches reg- ularly said on the death of all great men ; after which they smoked their pipes, thought no more 304 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station. Peter Stuyvesant was the last^ and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, the best of our ancient Dutch governors. Wouter having sur- passed all who preceded him, and Peter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old Dutch burgh- ers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never been equalled by any successor. He was in fact the very man fitted by nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not the fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable confusion. To say merely that he was a hero, would be doing him great injustice : he was in truth a combination of heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules would have given his hide for (meaning liis lion's hide) when he undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes CJoriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel ; and, like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental advan- tage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have graced any of their HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 305 heroes. This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all his other limbs put together ; indeed so highly did he es- teem it, that he had it gallantly enchased and re- lieved with silver devices, which caused it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver leg.^ Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his favorites and attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken, after the manner of his illustnous imita- tor, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders with his walking-staff. Though I caimot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Ilobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his meas- ures, that one would hardly expect from a man who did not know Greek, and had never studied the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to experiments, and was fond of governing his prov- ince after the simplest manner ; but then he con- trived to keep it in better order than did the eru- dite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modem, to assist and perplex him. I must hkewise own that he made but very few laws ; but then, again, he took care that those 1 See the histories of Masters Josselyn. and. ^V>v(v^. 20 306 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. few were rigidly and impartially enforced ; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. He was, in fact, the very reverse of his pred- ecessors, being neither tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, like William the Testy, — but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon activity and decis- ion of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the advice of others, — depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all diflSculties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he want- ed nothing more to complete him as a statesman than to think always right ; for no one can say but that he always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, tnisting, by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he pos- sessed, in an eminent degree, that great quality in a statesman, allied perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar, — a won- derful salve for official blunders, since he who perseveres in error without flinching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he who wavers in seeking to do what is right gets stig- matized as a trimmer. This much is certain; and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all legislators, great and small, who stand shak- ing in the wind, irresolute which way to steer, HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 307 tiiat a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours, while others may keep going continually and be continually going ^vrong. Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people of Nieuw Neder- lands ; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the independent will and vigorous resolu- tion displayed on all occasions by their new gov- ernor, that they universally called him Hard-Kop- pig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, — a great com- pliment to the strength of his understanding. If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, met- tlesome, obstinate, leathern - sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have writ- ten to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of May, 1647, — a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacs of the time which have come down to us by the name of Windy Friday, As he was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated into office with great cere- mony, — the goodly oaken chair of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for 808 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. sach occasions, in like manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs. I must not omit to mention that the tempestu- ous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed " hanging- day," did not fail to excite much grave specula- tion and divers very reasonable apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhab- itants; and several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the mystery of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare out- right that they were omens of a disastrous ad- ministration ; — an event tliat came to be lamenta- bly verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of attendhig to those preternatural inti- mations furnished by dreams and visions, the fly- ing of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance ; or to those shooting of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter- preted by the oracular sibyls of our day, — who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divina- tion. This much is certain, that Governor Stuy- vesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbu- lent period : when foes thronged and threatened from without; when anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, though supported by economy HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 309 and defended by speeches, protests, and procla- mations, yet tottered to its very centre ; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though forti- fied by flag -staffs, trumpeters, and wind -mills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and ready to yield to the first invader. { 310 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER n. SHOwnra how pern the hsadstroxg BEsmsn) hdcsxlp avoxa THBKAT8 AVD COBWZBji 05 KXTEEUG DCTO OFFICE — HIS nCTEBTIEW WITH AirrOXT THE TEUXPKTUL, ASD HIS PSSILOCS XEDDUXG WITH THE CUUU5CT. HE verv first movements of the CTeat Peter, on taking the reins of govem- ment, displayed his magnanimity, though thev occasioned not a little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding himself constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his privy council, the members of which had acquired the unrea- sonable habit of thinking and speaking for them- selves during the preceding reign, he determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abomina- tions. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office all the meddlesome spirits of tlie factious cabinet of TTilUam the Testy ; in place of whom he chose unto himself counsellors from those fat, somnif- erous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under the easv reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be fur- nished with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the good of the nation, while he took the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 311 burden of government upon his own shoulders, — an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and expedients of his learned predecessor, — rooting up his patent gal- lows, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband, — demolishing his flag-staffs and wind -mills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam, — pitching to the duy vel whole batteries of quaker guns, — and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and wind -mill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their matchless cham- pion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favor in the eyes of the women, by means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into liis presence, and eying him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would have appalled anything else than a soimder of brass, — " Pr'ythee, who and what art thou ? " said he. " Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed, " for my name, it is Antony Van Cor- lear ; for my parentage, I am the son of my mother ; for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." " I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, " that thou art some scurvy costard -monger knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount honor and dignity?" "Marry, sir," replied the other, 312 HISTORY OF y£W YORK. **fike many a great man before me. simply hjf iownding mjf own trumpet,'' - Ay. is it so ? ~ quoth the governor ; " why. then let us have a relish of thy art.^ Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a diarge with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of one*3 mouth only to be within a mile of it. - Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music pricks up his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet ; for of him might truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of £ngland, ** there was nothing in all tiie world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the pleasant sound of war. and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and tuiding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse, yet of great discretion and inmieasurable wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever afler retained him about his person, as his chief ^vorite, confidential envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with dis- astrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry, — and on all public occasions to rejoice HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 313 the ears of the people with warlike melody, — thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation in the community, was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce ; and one of his first edicts was, that all duties to govern- ment should be paid in those precious metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender. Here was a blow at public prosperity ! All those who speculated on the rise and fall of this fluctuating currency, found their calling at an end ; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their capital shrunk in amount ; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were accustomed to flood the market with newly coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in de- crying this "tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce ; it was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an end ; goods would moulder on the shelves ; grain would rot in the granaries ; grass would grow in the market-place. In a word, no one who has not heard the outcries and liowlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon " paper-money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong, for check- ing the circulation of oyster-shells. In fact, trade did shrink into narrower chan- 314 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, nels ; but then the stream was deep as it was broad ; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods ; but then they got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tin ware, apple- brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified them- selves another way for having to abandon the coinage of oyster-shells ; for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great an- noyance of the Dutch housewives. NOTE. From a manuscinpt record of the province ; Lib. N. Y. Hist. Society. — We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser and prevent their being further imposed upon than to declare absolutelv and peremptorily that henceforward sea- want shall be bullion, — not longer admissible in trade, with- out any value, as it is indeed. So that ever}' one may be upon his guard to barter no longer away his wares and merchandises for these bubbles, — at least not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as they m&y want them in their trade with the savages. In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchandises from our country for nothing, — the beavers and furs not excepted. This has indeed long since been insufferable, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall through the abolition of this seawant become wiser ana more prudent. 27th January^ 1662. Seawant falls into disrepute ; duties to be paid in silver coin. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 315 CHAPTER m. HOW THB YANKEE LEAGUE WAXED MORE Ain> MORE POTENT ; AND HOW IT OOTWITTED THE GOOD PETER IN TREATY-MAKING. lOW it came to pass, that, while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating the in- ternal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caiised such tribula- tion to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston, where it spun a web, which threatened to link within it all the mighty principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this formidable combination was, mutual protection and defence against their savage neighbors ; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand crusade against the Nieuw Nederlands, and to get posses- sion of the city of the Manhattoes, — as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the Yan- kees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient crusaders. In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuy vseant, a grand deputation de- parted from the city of Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode Island, praying to be admitted into the league. 816 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, The following minute of this deputation ap- pears in the ancient records of the council.^ " Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting — "Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Band, that wee the Banders of Roode- Band may be rescauied into combination with all the imited colonyes of New England in a firme and perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall safety and wellfaire, etc. Will Cottington, "Alicxsander Partridg." There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however misspelt, has been warlike in every age ; and though its fierceness is in some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cogno- men of Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great resemblance to the sound of a trumpet From the style of the let- ter, moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the noble Captain Al- icxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been edu- cated among that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count beyond the number four. 1 Haz. CoL Stat Pap. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 317 The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part of the moss- troopers of Coimecticut, — pushing their en- croachments farther and farther into the territo- ries of their High Mightinesses, so that even the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath and to find themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room. Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions ; his first impulse was to march at once to the frontier and kick these squatting Yankees out of the country ; but, be- thinking himself in time that he was now a gov- ernor and legislator, the policy of the states- man for once cooled the fiire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at negotia^ tion. A correspondence accordingly ensued be- tween him and the grand council of the league ; and it was agreed that conunissioners from either • side should meet at Hartford, to settle bounda- ries, adjust grievances, and establish a ^^ perpetual and happy peace." The commissioners on the part of the Man- hattoes were chosen, according to immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the " wisest and weightiest " men of the commu- nity, that is to say, men with the oldest heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time of Oloffe the X)reamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the kind ; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which 318 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. he first spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from his mast-head ; and all the world knows the discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior right to all the lands drained by its waters. It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers de- parting on this embassy, — men whose word on 'change was oracular, and in whose presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat : when it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with his spy- glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no alter- native but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High Mighti- nesses, on which they had squatted. In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking var- lets, and evidently men of no substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no jingling of money in their pockets ; it is true, they had longer heads than the Dutchmen ; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up by a double chin. The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old comer-stone of origmal discovery, — accord- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 319 ing to the principle that he who first sees a new country has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran Oothout, at a con- certed signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the identical tarpauling spy-glass in his hand, with which he had discovered the mouth of the Comiecticut, while the worthy Dutch commis- sioners lolled back in their chairs, secretly chuck- ling at the idea of having for once got the weather-gage o/ the Yankees ; but what was their dismay when the latter produced a Nan- tucket whaler with a spy -glass twice as long, with which he discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked, that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river. This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole country bordering on the Sound ; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting- place on their territories. I forbear t^ dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them ; neither will I pretend to describe the con- sternation of the wise men at the Manhattoes when they learned how their commissioner had been out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of New Amsterdam. Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary ques- tions when the claims of the opposite «x^ \rc^*i«a.- 820 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, cilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right, and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by compromise, or mutual conces- sion, — that is to say, one party cedes lialf of its claims, and the other party half of its rights ; he who grasps most gets most, and the whole is pro- nounced an equitable division, ** perfectly honor- able to both parties." The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlands which they had never seen, and all right to the land of Manna- hata and the city of New Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all ; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river. When the news of this treaty •arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no war, the old men that their cabbage- gardens were safe from invasion ; while the politi- cal sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had been '^ fobbed off with." And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter, congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded hogs, and all the other HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 321 catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the paradoxical ways of cabinets ; to convince him of which, I solicit his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyvesant has already com- mitted a great error in politics, and, by effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the province. 21 822 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. OOITTAININO DIVEBS SPECULATIONS ON WAE ANI> NEGOTIATIONS — SHOW- INO THAT A TKEATT OF PEAOE IS A GREAT NATIONAL EVIL. T was the opinion of that poetical phi- losopher, Luci'etius, that war was the original state of man, whom he de- scribed as being primitively a savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes,^ nor have there been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend. For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,^ that, though war may have been origi- nally the favorite amusement and industrious employment of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from being amel- iorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by ^ Hobbes's Leviathan. Part i. ch. 13. 2 Quum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, Mutuum ac turpe pecus, glaiidem atque cubilia propter, Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro Pugnabant armis, qusB post fabricaverat usiis. HoR. Sat L. i. S. 8. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 323 refinement and civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards that state of perfection which is the ne plus ultra of modem philosophy. The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical force, unaided by auxiliary weapons; his arm was his buckler, his fist was his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refine- ment, as his faculties expanded, and as his sensi- bilities became more exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of murdering his fellow -beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and to assault : the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the blow. Still urging on, in the career of philanthropic inven- tion, he enlarges and heightens his powers of defence and injury : — The Aries, the Scorpio, the Balista, and the Catapulta, give a horror and subHmity to war, and magnify its glory, by in- creasing its desolation. Still insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even with the desires of revenge, — still deeper researches must be made in the diabolical arcana. With furi- ous zeal he dives into the bowels of the earth ; he toils midst poisonous minerala axA ^<^a^ 'saito.^ 324 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. — the sublime discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world — and finally the dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems to ^ndow the demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotence ! This, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine en- dowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves with the native force which Providence has assigned them. The an- gry bull butts with his horns, as did his pro- genitors before him ; the lion, the leopard, and the tiger seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury ; and even the subtle serpent diirts the same venom, and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the fiood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery, — enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction, — arrogates the tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in murdering his brother- worm ! In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio ; and as we have discov- ered, in this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most formidable engine in war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual negotia- tions. A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a nego- tiation, therefore, according to the acceptation of axj9erienced statesmen, learofid m those matters, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 325 is no longer an attempt to accommodate differ- ences, to ascertain rights, and to establish an equi- table exchange of kind offices, but a contest of skill between two powers, which shall overreach and take in the other. It is a cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre, and the chi- canery of cabinets, those advantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by force of arms, — in the same manner as a conscien- tious highwayman reforms and becomes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized with open violence. In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of perfect amity is, when a negotiation is open, and a treaty pending. Then, when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right implanted in our nature, when each party has some advan- tage to hope and expect from the other, then it is that the two nations are wonderfully gracious and friendly, — their ministers professing the high- est mutual regard, exchanging billets-doux, mak- ing fine speeches, and indulging in all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondHngs, that do so marvellously tickle the good-humor of the respective nations. Thus it may paradoxi- cally be said, that there is never so good an understanding between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding, — and that so long as they are on no terms at all, they are on the best terms in the world I 826 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above discovery. It has, in fact^ long been secretly acted upon by certain enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories, privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illus- trious gentleman, who has been member of con- gress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as am- bassador some political pettifogger skilled in de- lays, sophisms, and misapprehensions, and dex- terous in the art of baffling argument, — or some blundering statesman, whose errors and miscon- structions may be a plea for refiising to ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient, so popular with our government, of sending out a brace of ambassadors, — between whom, having each an individual will to consult, character to establish, and interest to promote, ' you may as well look for unanimity and concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement, there- fore, is continually breeding delays and impedi- ments, in consequence of which the negotiation goes on swimmingly — inasmuch as there is no prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays and obstacles but time ; and in a negotiation, according to the theory I have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 327 time gained: — with what delightful paradoxes does modem political economy abound ! Now all that I have here advanced is so noto- riously true, that I almost blush to take up the time of my readers with treating of matters which must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that, though a negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most jfruitful sources of war. I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals that did not pro- duce jealousies, bickerings, and often downright ruptures between them ; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did not occa- sion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for years, have been thro^vTi into a state of distrust, cavil- ling, and animosity, by some ill-starred agreement about fences, nms of water, and stray cattle ! And how many weU-meaning nations, who jvould otherwise have remained in the most amicable disposition towards each other, have been brought to swords' points about the infi*ingement or mis- construction of some treaty, which in an evil hour they had concluded, by way of making their amity more sure ! Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their fullGilment ; consequently they are virtually binding on the weaker party 328 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at alL No nation will wantonly go to war with another ii' it has nothing to gain thereby, and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it jfrom vio- lence ; and if it have anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong that it could not thrust the sword through, — nay, I would hold ten to one, the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to find a pretext for hostilities. Thus, therefore, I conclude, — that, though it is the best of all policies for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation witli its neighbors, yet it is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty ; for then comes on non-fulfilment and infraction, then remonstrance, then altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war. In a word, negotiation is like court- ship, a time of sweet words, gallant speeches, soft looks, and cndeanng caresses, — but the marriage ceremony is the signal for hostilities. K my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination of the foregoing passage, he will perceive, at a glance, that the Great Peter, in concluding a treaty with his east- em neighbors, was guilty of lamentable error in policy. In feet, to this unlucky agreement may be traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings, between the parties, about fencied or pretended infringements of treaty-stipulations ; in all which the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 329 by a " dig into the sides " of the New Nether- lands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Manna-hata, were so pitiful in their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the time spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires, would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is, therefore, to take it for granted, though I scorn to waste, in the detail, that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is invaluable, that all the wliile the Great Peter was occupied in those tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse; there was a continued series of little, dirty, sniv- elling scourings, broils, and maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Pan- za of an historian, while I reserve my prowess and my pen for achievements of higher dignity ; for at this moment I heai* a direful and porten- tous note issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resounding throughout the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant I call, therefore, upon the reader to leave behind him all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward with me to the relief of our fevor- ite hero, who, I foresee, will be wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter. 330 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER V. HOW PETES STUTTESANT WAS GRISyOUSLT BELIED BT THE GREAT COUN- CIL OF THE LEAGUE ; AND HOW HE SENT ANTONT THE TRUMPETER TO TAKE TO THE COUNCIL A PIECE OF HIS MIND. HAT the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter Stuyvesant and his capital, I must re- mind him of the old charge advanced in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the Nederlanders were carrying on a trade " damnable and injurious to the colonists," in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther and shott." This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy to have a snug cause of war in petto, in case any favor- able opportunity should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands : the great ob- ject of Yankee ambition. Accordingly we now find, when every other ground of complaint had apparently been re- moved by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunder- bolt at the very head of Peter Stuyvesant ; hap- pily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash, was proof against such missiles. To be explicit, we are told that, in the year 1651, the great confederacy of the east accused the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 331 immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and prom- ises, to instigate the Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians, to surprise and massacre the Yankee settlements. " For," as the grand coun- cil observed, " the Indians round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English, whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects." This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians, who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been so many Christian troopers. Though descended from a family which suf- fered much injury from the losel Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and his best pacer stolen, and hav- ing received a pair of black eyes and a bloody nose in one of these border wars, and my grand- father, when a very little boy tending pigs, having been kidnapped and severely flogged by a long- sided Connecticut schoolmaster, — yet I should have passed over all these wrongs with forgive- ness and oblivion, — I could even have suffered them to have broken Everet Ducking's head, — to have kicked the doughty Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors, — to have carried every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of the earth with 832 BI8T0RY OF NEW YORK. perfect impunity, — but this wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much even for me to di- gest, and has overset, with a single puff, the pa- tience of the historian, and the -forbearance of the Dutchman. Oh, reader, it was false ! I swear to thee, it' was false ! — if thou hast any respect to my word, — if the undeviating character for veracity, which I have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight upon thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I pledge my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his right arm or even his wooden leg to consume with slow and everlasting flames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way than open, generous warfare ; — be- shrew those caitiff scouts, that conspired to sully his honest name by such an imputation ! Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight -errant, had as true a heart of cliivalry as ever beat at the round table of King Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy quali- ties like wild flowers among rocks. lie was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by nature at a single heat, and though little care may have been taken to refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above- HISTORY OF N^W YORK. 333 board ; if there was anything in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning and secret wile ; " straight forward " was his motto ; and he would at any time rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round it. Such was Peter Stuyvesant ; and if my admi- ration of him has on this occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology, that, though a Httle gray- headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down- hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which kindles in the eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed, thrice and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyzes every glow of enthusiasm. The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Draw- ing his sword and laying it across the table, to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Chris- tian, a soldier, and a cavalier ; declaring, that, whoever charged him with the plot in question, lied in his throat ; to prove which he offered to meet the president of the council or any of his compeers, or their champion. Captain Alicxsan- 334 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, der Partridg, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat, — wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm. This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Antony Van Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day, sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he car- ried the vindication of his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Antony accomplished his mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered his missive with becoming cere- mony, accompanjdng it with a flourish of defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridg, who nearly jumped out of liis skin in an ecstasy of astonishment. The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry ; and above all to run a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the advantage, how- ever, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in reserve with a neighbor, who had terri- tories worth invading ; so they devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calcuhitud to keep up the " raw " which they had established. On receiving this answer, Antony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes, solacing himself by the way according to his wont ; twanging his trumpet like a very devil, so that the sweet valleys and boixiks of the Comiect- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 335 icut resounded with the waxlike melody ; bring- ing all the folks to the windows as he passed through Hartford and Pyquag, and Middletown, and all the other border towns, ogling and wink- ing at the women, and making aerial wind-mills from the end of his nose at their husbands, and stopping occasionally in the villages to eat pump- kin-pies, dance at country frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses — whom he rejoiced exceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument. 336 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER VI. ■OW PBTSB STUTVSSANT DEMANSKD A COUBT OF HONOR— AND WHAT THE COURT OF HONOR AWARDED TO HIM. HE reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that "his confident denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians " ; that " his guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must still require and seek due satisfaction and secib- rity ; ending with — "so we rest, sir — Yours in ways of righteousness." I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second mes- senger to the council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to an august tri- bunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 337 of high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the confederate plantations, v^hen the matter might be investigated by his peers, in a manner befitting his rank and dignity. While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Mauhattoes two lean, himgry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who looked marvellously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from one county court to another in quest of lawsuits ; and, in sooth, though they may have passed imder different names at the time, I have reason to suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the worthy Dutch commissioners out of the Connect- icut river. It was a rule with these indefatigable mission- aries never to let the grass grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the irm and deposited their saddle-bags, than they made tlieir way to the residence of the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon pipe on the "stoop," or bench at the porch of his house, and announced themselves, at once, as commissioners sent by the grand coun- cil of the east to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced against him. The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a moment in mute aston- ishment. By way of expediting business, they were proceeding on the spot to put some pre- 22 338 HiaTORT OF NEW YORK. liminary questions, — asking him, peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, consider- ing him something in the Hght of a culprit at the bar, — when they were brought to a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his walking -staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a cro>>Ti for both the crowns of the commissioners ; but Pe- ter Stuyvesant repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand ; he scanned the varlets from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of inef- &ible scorn ; then strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they should never again be admitted to his presence. The knowing commissioners >vinked to each other, and made a certificate on the spot that the governor had refused to answer their interrog- atories or to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence, perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning until they had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apoc- ryphal talcs, rumors, and ctdunmies ; with these they mounted their Narraganset pacers and trav- elled back to the grand council ; neither did the proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede their departure ; he was too mindful of their sacre A. — 'X JXUCL J 4 >fiififcr kssesdOuiL m riper Niiinr V^ifk. aoid the pnie oc dhe k»Tielj kland 4f MawsA^idaa. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, ' 345 CHAPTER Vm. HOW THE TANKEB OBUSADB AQAINST THE NEW NETHEKLANDS WAS BAFFLED BT THE SUDDEN OUTBREAK OF WITCHCRAFT AMONG THB PEOPLE OF THE EAST. AVING thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and guard- ed it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of Aju- phictyons and their champion, the redoubtable AJicxsander Partridg, at defiance. In the mean time the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the war- riors of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag, otherwise called Weathersfield, famous for its onions and its witches, and of all the other bor- der-towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, fiirbish- ing up their rusty weapons, shouting aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests, and glori- ous rummaging of the fat little Dutch villages. In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carried C!Cii:LVVQ.i\ftYs. ^ 846 niBTORT OF NEW YORK, th« ^(Muiral (M)urt of Massachusetts, which nobly rofiiMcd to iKiliuve him guilty of the villanous plot laid at his (l(H)r.^ I'lie (lef(M!tioii of so important a colony para- lyxiul the councils of the lea^ic, some such dis^ MMisioii an)si^ aiuon<]C its members as prevailed of yoiv in the camp of tlie bniwling warriors of («rcc(*i^ and in Wxa end the crusmle against the Alanimttm's was abandoneil. It is said that the nia»*s-tnx)pers of Connecti- cut were siuvly disap|)oint(Hl ; lait well for them that their lK»lligi^n»nt cravings were not gratified: for by mv faith, whatever nii«;ht have been the ultiuiate result of a confiiet with all the powers of the etu*t, in the interim the stomachful heroes i>f l\vqu»ig would have Ikhmi choked with their i»wn onions, and all the lK>nler-towns of Coimecti- cut would have had such a scouring from the lion>hcartiHi IVtor and his nUuistious mvnnidons, tlmt I warnuit me thev would not have had the * stomach to sipuU on the land or invade the hen- riKvii of A Ninlerlander tl^r a ivnturv to come. liui it was not merelv the refusal of Massa- ohusi^tis to join in their unholy cru?iide that con- txnmdisi the ivunoils i>t' the leaime: for aU>ut this liuK* l>rv»ke out in the New-KnirUin'l prw- imvs the awful pUiinie of witchcraft w'iu'Ji^ *pr^*ad like |>ei>tileni\* tlirv^uirh the Ui:^!. Siioh n hv»wr.nsr aKnuiiuitinHi «.\h;I'1 ik^c Iv >u:?en.vl ro r^nnatn lone ur.:5v^riiVvl : i: ?*.yHi eTtoi:e».i :he r.. ry m'fiil::: who wr.iLvH*.: hi»d iv;:Ktvl ?■.:■. li Arrive HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 347 benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The grand council of the league publicly set their faces against the crime, and bloody laws were enacted against all " solera con- versing or compacting with the divil by way of conjuracion or the like." ^ Strict search, too, was made after witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches, — by being able to weep but three tears, and those out of the left eye, — and by having a most suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks ! What is particularly wor- thy of admiration is, that this terrible art, which has baffled the studies and researches of philoso- phers, astrologers, theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, de- crepit, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains than the broomsticks they rode upon. When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yel- low fever, and immediately every headache, in- digestion, and overflowing of the bile is pro- nounced the terrible epidemic ; cry out mad dog, and every unlucky cur in the street is in jeop- ardy : so in the present instance, whoever was troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched, — and woe to any unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood ! It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, " for every one of which," says the reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent I New Plymouth tocot^. 848 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. work the History of New England, " we have such a sufficient evidence, tliat no reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them ; and it wiU be . unrecusonable to do it in ccny otherr 1 Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian John Josselyn, Gent^ furnishes us with unques- tionable facts on this subject, " There are none," observes he, " that beg in this country, but there be witches too many, — bottle-beUied witches, and others, that produce many strange apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with women, — and of a ship and great red horse standing by the main-mast ; the ship being in a small cove to the eastward, vanished of a sudden," etc The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the most solemn, persuasive, and affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertainment of the public, yet did they most pertinaciously per- sist in asserting their innocence. Such incredi- ble obstinacy was in itself deser\'ing of immedi- ate punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their judges were just and merciful, and were deter- mined to punish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony ; not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds, — for, like 1 Mather's Hiafc. "S w ^av^^.^. ^^ Ocl.1 . HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 349 true and experienced judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly sat- isfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them, — but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, — to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come after them, — in short, the world must be satis- fied. Oh, the world — the world ! — all the world knows the world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning ! The worthy judges, there- fore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, de- tecting, and making evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums, — so that it may truly be said, that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that should come after them ! Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent arguments of torture ; and having thus absolutely wrung the truth fix)m their stub- bom lips, they condemned them to undergo the roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even carried their .perverseness so far as to expire under the torture, protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil ; and the pious by-standers only lamented that they had not lived a. little longer, to have perished in the flames. In the city of Ephesus, we are told that tbL<2k 350 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old beg- gar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a demon, by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by measures equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to tliis growing evil. The witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, and in a little while there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England, — which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations grad- ually recovered, excepting such as had been af- flicted with twitches and aches, which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheuma- tisms, sciatics, and lumbagos ; and the good peo- ple of New England, abandoning the study of the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even imto this day, in their characters : witches occasionally start up among them in different disguises, as physicians, civil- ians, and divines. The people at large show a keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of wis- dom, that savors strongly of witchcraft ; and it has been remarked, that, whenever any stones fell from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into New England ! HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 351 CHAPTER IX. WHICH RECORDS THE RISE AND RENOWN OP A MILITARY COMMANDER; SHOWING THAT A MAN, LIK& A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP TO GREAT- NESS BY MERE WIND ; TOGETHER WITH THE CATASTROPHE OF A VET- ERAN AND HIS QUKOE. 'HEN treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the Stuy- vesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions which broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness. A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the East: the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sounds of rustic gayety ; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent glen ; fearful apparitions were seen in the air ; strange voices were heard in solitary places ; and the border- towns were so occupied in detecting and punish- ing losel witches, that, for a time, all talk of war was suspended, and New Amsterdam and its in- habitants seemed to be totally forgotten. I must not conceal the fact that at one time there was some danger of this plague of witch- craft extending into the New Netherlands ; and 352 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. certain witches, mounted on broomsticks, are siud to have been seen whisking in the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders ; but the worthy Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to their doors, which it is well known are effectual barriers against all diabolical vennin of the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at this very day on ancient mansions and bams remaining from the days of the patriarchs ; nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and Yankees out of the country. And now the great Peter, having no imme- diate hostility to apprehend from the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting Swedes had be- come very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the proclamations of that veri- table potentate, and putting his admiral, the in- trepid Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect non- plus. To check the incursions of these Swedes, Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that fix)ntier, giving the command of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if hieteries speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors were in- humanly kicked out of Fort Groed Hoop by the Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Poffen- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 353 burgh is said to have received more kicks in a certain honorable part than any of his comrades, in consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, he had been promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and suffered in his country's cause. It is tropically observed by honest old Soc- rates, that heaven infuses into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold, into others of intellectual silver, while others are intellectually fiimished with iron and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh ; and it would seem as if dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to pass off upon Wilham the Testy for genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his sta- tion by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, always styling himself Commander-in-chief of the Armies of the New Netherlands, though in sober truth, these armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle-bruising raga- muffins. In person he was not very tall, but exceed- ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own importance^ ujafciL 23 854 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, he resembled one of those bags of wind given by .^k)lus, in an incredible fit of generosity, to that vagabond warrior Ulysses. His windy endow- ments had long excited the admiration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of the arms and equip- ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon the dress of this redoubtable com- mander. It comported with his character, being BO crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within. He was swathed, too, in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to keep hip swelling heart from bursting through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace -heat from be- tween a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers ; and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out of a pair of large, glassy, bliuking eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him accoutred cap-a-^e, — booted to the middle, sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, fix)m which trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 355 he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sal- lied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For what says the ballad ? " Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big. You would have thought him for to be Some Egyptian porcupig. He frighted all — cats, dogs, and all. Each cow, each horse, and each hog; For fear they did flee, for they took him to be Some strange outlandish hedge-hog." ^ I must confess this general, with all his out- ward valor and ventosity, was not exactly an offi- cer to Peter Stuyresant's taste, but he stood fore- most in the army list of William the Testy; and it is probable the good Peter, who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had his mili- tary notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving his right to his dignities. To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the troops destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he de- parted for his station than bulletins began to ar- rive ^m him, describing his undaunted march tlux)ugh savage deserts, over insurmountable mountains, across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts of un- inhabited country, and encountering more perils tlian did Xenophon in his far-&uned retreat with his ten thousand Grecians. Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent 1 Ballad of Dragon of WacLtl«^. 356 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. despatches with a dubious screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head ; but Antony Van CJor- lear repeated these contents in the streets and inarket-places with an appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the gen- eral resounded through the streets of New Am- sterdam. On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Pof- fenburgh proceeded to erect a fortress, or strong- hold, on the South or Delaware river. At first he bethought him to call it Fort Stuyresant, in honor of the governor, — a lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among spec- ulators, military commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be studded with the names of political patrons and temporary great men ; in the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk -breeches of his Excel- lency. As this fort will be found to give rise to im- portant events, it may be worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw Amstel, and was the germ of the present flourishing town of New Castle, or, more properly speaking. No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises. His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to behold the swelling dig- nity with which the general would stride in and out a dozen times a day, avirveying it in front HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 357 and in rear, on this side and on that ; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full reg- imentals, on the top of the ramparts, — like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon, swelling and vaporing on the top of a dove-cot. There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of newly made soldiers, compelling them to box- lobby brawls and broken-headed quarrels, unless there can be found some more harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded in the delectable romance of Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did inconti- nently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor the trees with such might and main, that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the command- er of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about him most lust- ily with his sabre, — decapitating cabbages by platoons, hewing down lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes, and if, perchance, he espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, — "Ah! caitiff Yankees?" would he roar, " have I caught ye at last ? " — So saying, with one sweep of his sword he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from their chins to their waistbands ; by which warlike havoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress m\k \Jafc ^»Sl ^srk^- 858 HI8T0RY OF NEW YORK. viction that he was a very miracle of military prowess. He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade, or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one day, in his Bible re- searclies, encountered the history of Absalom and his melancholy end, the general bethought him, that, in a country aboimding with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastro- phe ; he therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison. Now, so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not a little resembling the shag of a Newfound- land dog, terminating in a queue like the han- dle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head tliat his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to tlie top of his foreliead. It may naturally be 8upjx)sed tliat the possessor of so goodly an ap- pendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest of vet- eran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums, — swore he would break any man's head wlio attempted to meddle with his tail, — queued it stiffer tlian ever, and whisked it about the garri- son OS fiercely as the tail of a crocodile. The eel-skin queue oi o\\ ^'sX^iensiftftster be- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 859 came instantly an affair of the utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and good order of the armies of the*Nieuw Nederlands, the consequent safety of the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their High Mightinesses the Lords States Greneral, imperiously demanded the docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old Keldermeester should be pub- licly shorn of his glories in presence of the whole garrison ; the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive ; whereupon he was arrested, and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, deser- tion, and all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with a " videlicet, in wearing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, con- trary to orders." Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings ; and the whole garrison was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification, — and deserted from all earthly command, with his be- loved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his eel-skin queue sticking out of a hole in his coffin. This magnanimous affair obtained tha ^xssswJk. 360 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, great credit as a disciplinarian ; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly spectrum of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the handle. CHAPTER I. |fA|#ITHERTO, most venerable and conrte- jlj^mlp ous reader, have I shown thee the ad- eJ^HS miniatration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under tbe mild moonshine of pea**, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation ; but now the war-drum rambles from a&r, the brazen trumpet brays ils thrilling note, aud the rude crash of hosdle arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming troubles. The gallant warrior starts irom soft repose, from golden visions and voluptnons ease, where in the dulcet, "piping time of peace" he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in beaut/s siren lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands for hia lady's brows ; no more 862 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. entwines with flowers his shining sword, nor thix)Ufj:h the livelong lazy summer's day chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To man- h(M)(l roused, he spurns the amorous flute ; doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. ()*er his dark brow, where late the myrtle waved, whoix) wanton roses breathed enervate love, he ivars the Iwaming casque and nodding plume ; gnisps the bright shield, and shakes the ponder- ous lance ; or mounts with eager pride his fiery stccil, and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry ! liut soil, worthy reader ! I would not have you imagine that any preux chevalier, thus hide- ously begirt with iix>n, existed in the city of New Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing aj*poct, — equipping our warriors with bucklers, hehns, mid hmces, and such like outlandish and ol)st)lete weai)ons, the like of which perchance they had never seen or heard of, — in the same mminer that a cunning statuary arrays a modem genenxl or tui admiral in the accoutrements of a Caesar or jm -tUexander. The simple truth, then, of all this onitorical flourish is tliis, that the val- iant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war in which his mighty soul so much delighted. Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination, or, ratiier, \ \s^ 8B0RKTS AU ORVN BROUGHT TO UOHT ; WITH THB PBOOBEDDiaS OF P£T£B THX HEADSTBONQ WHEN HS HXABD 07 THB MISFO&TUmSS OP OKNBBAL TAN POFFENBUBGH. HOEVER first described common feme, or rumor, as belonging to the soger sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting after secrets, and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly and in the fiice of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but whenever a transaction is done in a comer, and attempted to be shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the world. It is this truly feminine propensity which in- duces her continually to be prying into the cab- inets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate - chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our worthy Congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so baneful to all HISTORY OF NEW TOBK. 877 wary statesmen and intriguing commanders,- such a stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions, — betraying them by means and instruments which never would have been tiiought of by any but a female head. Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the cunning Risingh imag- ined, that, by securing the garrison, he should for a long time prevent the history of its fate from reachmg the ears of the gallant Stuyvesant ; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity. This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be self-out- lawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopo- lites who shark about the world as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the skirts of society like poachera and interlopers. Every garrison and country village has one or more scape-goats of this kind, whose lif»' is a kind of enigma, whose existence is without mo- tive, who comes from the Lord knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood in his veins, which was mani- fested by a certain Lidian complexion and cast of countenance, but more especially by his pix)- pensities and habits. He was a tall, lank fellow 378 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. swift of foot, and long-winded. He was gen- erally equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasons. His hair hung in straight gallows-locks about his ears, and added not a little to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian mixture are half civilized, half savage, and half devil, — a third half being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar reasons, and prob- ably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator, by the settlers on the Missis- sippi, and held accordingly in great respect and abhorrence. The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk. Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one, — was an utter enemy to work, holding it in no manner of estimation, — but lounging about the fort, depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors, which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented. Some- times, in consequence of some flagrant villany, he would abscond from the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time, skulking about the woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in ambush for game, — or squat- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 379 ting himself down on the edge of a pond, catch- ing fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable bird of the crane family, ycleped the Mudpoke. When he thought his crimes had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a bundle of skins, or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and would exchange them for liquQr, with which having well soaked his carcass, he would lie in the sun and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farm-yards in the country into which he made fearful inroads ; and sometimes he would make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole neighborhood at his heels, — like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in his maraudings and himted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schui- ler ; and from the total indifference he showed to the world end its concerns, and from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no. one would ever have dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh. When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave Poffenburgh and his watch- ful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or use- less hound, whom nobody noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his own mind how he should turn the 880 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. matter to his own advantage. He played the perfect jack-of-both-sides, that is to say, he made a prize of everything that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bomid cocked hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of Risingh's jack-bocJts imder his arms, and took to his heels just before the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he directed his flight to- wards his native place. New Amsterdam, whence he had formerly been obliged to abscond precip- itately, in consequence of misfortune in busi- ness, — that is to say, having been detected in the act of sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through swamps, ford- ing brooks, swimming various rivers, and encoun- tering a world of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a back- woodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at Ck)m- munipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on land- ing, he repaired to Governor Stuyvesant, and, in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair. On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his seat, dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the chimney, thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek, pulled up his galligaskins, and strode up and down tlie room, \i\xm\fiM\!^^ «& was customary HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 381 with him when in a passion, a hideous northwest ditty. But, as I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stirnip up-stairs to a huge wooden chest, which served as his armory, from whence he drew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the preceding chapter. In these portentous habiliments he arrayed himself like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an appalling silence, knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor and jerked down his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually sus- pended ; but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron visage ; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five long weeks ; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon be warm work in the province ! Thus armed at all points, with grisly war de- picted in each feature, his very cocked hat assum- ing an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put himself upon the alert, and despatched Anto- ny Van Corlear hither and thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting mat- ters, according to the custom of pieople in a hurry, he kept in continual buBtle^ ftfcd&m%^x«av 382 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and stumping up and down stairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant mo- tion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper hooping a flour-barrel. A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not to be trifled with: the sages forthwith repaired to the council- chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tran- quillity, and, lighting their long pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his Excellency and his regimentals, -;- being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking aroimd for a moment with a lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. I am extremely sorry that I have not the ad- vantages of Livy, Thucydides, Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told, with the speeches of all their heroes, taken down in short-hand by the most accurate stenog- raphers of the time, — whereby they were en- abled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains of elo- quence. Not having such important auxiliaides, I cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his rugged subject in silks E J STORY OF NEW YORK, 883 and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to shrink in words from those dan- gers which he stood ready to encounter in very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Cas- imir. To this hardy resolution, such of his coun- cil as were awake gave their usual signal of con- currence ; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (their " usual custom in the afternoon "), they made not the least objection. And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of the Man- hattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory: — for I would have you note that your warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of conquerors are gener- ally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are equal candidates for the army or the bride- well, the halberds or the whipping-post, — for whom dame Fortune has cast an even die, whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their coimtrymen. But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of honor were but scantily 384 HI8T0BT OF NEW YORK. supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet revenge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Ken- tucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trus- ty squire Antony Van Corlear to have his state galley prepared and duly victualled ; which being performed, he attended public service at the great chureh of St Nicholas, like a true and pious gov- ernor ; and then leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhat- toes marshalled out and appointed against his re- turn, departed upon his recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 385 CUAPTER IV. CONTAINING PRTER STUTVESANT'S VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON, AND THB WONDERS AND DEUGUTS OF THAT RENOWNED RIVER. lOW (lid the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific warmth ; when that mira- cle of hardihooD of the crew fhirn that which uiav be witoessed at this desen- emte #lay. Wililness and ravage imijesty reignetl on the bonlens of this mi;;htv river: the haud of cultivatiun had not as vet laid low the dark torer^t. and tainefl the features of the huidscape ; nor hail the frequent Siiil of commerce broken iu u[K>u the profound ami awtid solitude of ages. Here and there mijrht be seen a rude wisrwam pereheil among the clifis of the mountains, with \Xa curling column of smoke mounting in the transfiarent atmosphere, — but so loftily situated tlmt the whfxjpings of the savage cliildren, gain- Ixilling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell aluHjst as faintly on the ear as do the notes of th<; lark when Ifjst in the azure vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice, tlie wild deer would look timidly down up^in tlie splendid pageant as it passed below, and then, tossing liis anders in the air, would lx>und away into the thickest of the forest. Through such scenes did the stately vessel of I'eter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the liases of tlie rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from tli(j waves unto tlie heavens, and were fashioned, if trarlition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty apirit Maxi^eAXici, \o ^ixitect his HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 387 favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes of mor- tals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose Avide-extend- ed shores present a variety of delectable scenery, — here the bold promontoiy, crowned with em- bowering trees, advancing into the bay, — there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, — while at a distance a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigan- ^tic shades across the water. Now Avould tliey pass where some modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties, — the velvet-tufted lawn, the bushy copse, the tink- ling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the nide cabin of some solitary hunter. The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; while along the borders of the river were seen the heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight cai- tiffs disturbed at his approach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the moun- tains. At such times all was brightness, and life, and giiyety, — the atmoftpKete ^\3k& o'l «sl \sv- 388 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. describable pureness and transparency, — the birds broke forth m wanton madrigals, and the freshen- ing breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and l^e earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then aU was calm, and silent, and magnificent The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast ; — the seaman, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens, excepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. But when the hour of twilight spread its ma- jestic mists around, then did the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery. The deceived but de- lighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad mtisses of shade the separating line between the land tmd water, or to distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did tlie busy fiuicy supply the feebleness of vision, producing witU iuOiviaVYWixjfi* ox^ ^ fairy creation I HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 389 of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled castles, — trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. Now broke forth jfrom the shores the notes of an inmunerable variety of insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious con- cert, while ever and anon was heard the mel- ancholy plaint of the whippoorwill, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened with pensive still- ness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore, — now and then startled perchance by the whoop of some strag- gHng savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. Thus happily did they pursue their course, im- til they entered upon those awful defiles denomi- nated THE HIGHLANDS, where it would seem that the gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in vpild confusion. But in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capt mountains. These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters fix)m the lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho confined the re- bellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in adamantine chains, or ^amxaed m^s^^^^ 390 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groan- ed for many an age. At length tlie conquering Iluilson, in its career towards the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its tide triumph- antly through the stupendous ruins. Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abobitb*L hl '>iiir^L -Hmnaf>tf*^ ^ jLin-irS.riif ?«:«£?c i: nI "iii !r^w. "hheut awGcascil 2Ubi: izjizii'v^ dtiL. j*7- dis> zisftj* 'v^cll be *i::;.c*>*^L ^aiirvriJeti -TZL.t^iiirTzij i ;i2ii dE3> & moo- irr.rTi^ tiiijer^id fie pkT^ zh**^ zsissat ■:■£ Jbttv/tys S'^i^ Vj ;i -&:»!- rc»:c3i:cj::-:cy 3. :i*r striciSLbiiiHbood : Ani :- bAff •xcji^.^Kil !> be lailltii Aa^-ciy** !Xc6e er-^r •ciiifc tLa: zrne, I5^ b>isl : TiTiiiiier 4ci I wruarltrini ? By the fflsi.**- If I ^icmpc zo aiM.ixnp«inT tbe ?>jd Peter Stri-.-'/fjiar*: oa sLi* vova^e. I shall never make M$ *^zA : :^>r xifcTer wa? taere a v^yaje 50 miagfat witkt. Kt^kTv^HfjiQS iDci*IenL?. imt a river fo aboand- iri^ with tniEr?oE;Ddeiit beaaties. worthy of being hf:vfirs%]\y reer>nl«L Even mjw I have it on the l^Aiit ot my p^rn to relate how hi* crew were UifM horribly frightened, on going on shore above th^; hi;rhbirj'U, by a gang ^ of merry roistering ' Th*r I«iarn*d IFan^ MJegapolen*?*. treating of the coantry «U/ut AltianVf in a letter which was written some time after til" M:tll: "There i* in the river great plenty of Hiurf(*^m. wfiich we f*hri«>tians do not make use of. hot* the liui'tmnn t-Jtl i\%M\\ (;roe- »'....■..'■■'-■ . . " vj. - -_ ^iuii-?"*-L. silinoiL • >>:^ing ii/,ti^'. .' ".i.j: TiT ii; 111. -J!!. mkL lurk JOS teeth * r.. .»• '.i.i^..-- ITittT^ jiJrtTBic^ xzKsi qoar* fva-r. i ► . ui .-*-:.-. 'w'^r^ r»sii5T i: ^£^ all hb 'Ai. .1 ■ i.ii — .'.vir: iz -.'^drT 3BL3. i^ttX tiimcd Vir '. ' -r.'t t.. :..K JTrOr—U. k* IZiTHiEi Uk-V ITOIlld ar^y:;'//: /:J".'-r -x.-: ::.'r-:i:c-^mfcg^ mnd every hfth'At.-'*^- T ^j >::» »::'^Jz Tr»5 pjonded off by a %\tmtt\i t\u'/ t'.t'.rrAiUjfu like a patriode toast hon- ot*'A vniU it *\U*'\iitr*'*z of artillenr. All lliftvt^; vtiloroivi vajjorings bad a oonsidera- |i)j'. i'|f«'/'i, ill iutttvUtcUi'/ of'.riSLin profound sages, wlin iM'p;tiii Ui Lliitik tlio general a hero of un- liiMh'liiiiiltt lof'liiii'HM iukI inagiianimity of soul, par- liniliHJy im iin wiiK continually protesting an the Immn' o/' II Mo/itiri\ — a marvellously high-sound- ing unnuMMMlion. Nuy, (uu' of thfe members of Ilio i^tnnril wtMil so far as to pro|)08e they should lHnn\»ilaU^o Uiiu Uy an iin^HTishable statue of HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 401 But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejacula- tions, — " Harkee, comrade," cried he, " though by your own account you are the most brave, up- right, and honorable man in the whole province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced, and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your charge, yet as heaven, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire, therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with this comforting reflection, that, if guilty, you are but enjoying your just reward, and if innocent, you are not the first great and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked world, — doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the mean time let me never sec your face again, for I have a horri- ble antipathy to the countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself." 26 402 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER VL nr WHICH THE AUTHOB DISCOURSES VERT INGEN1J0USLT OF HIlfSELP — AFTER WHICH IS TO BE FOUITD MUCH IMTERESTINO HISTOBT ABOUT PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS FOLLOWERS. ,S my readers and myself are about enter- ing on as many perils as ever a confed- eracy of meddlesome knights-errant wil- ftdly ran their heads into, it . is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end of the enter- prise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I have altered my tone and deport- ment since we first set out together. I warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, imperti- nent little son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely gave them a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse, until at length I came to con- ceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way : I am always a little cold and reserved at first, particularly to people wboni 1 iie\\Xiet \aiQ^ Tion: oare for, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 403 and am only to be completely won by long inti- macy. Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance ? Many were merely attracted by a new face ; and hav- ing stared me full in the title-page, walked off without saying a word: while others lingered yawningly through the preface, and, having grati- fied their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But, more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which we are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry. King Arthur ; who, before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself superior to danger or hardships, by encountering imheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippo- griffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did I cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where they were most wofully belabored and buffeted by a host of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave man, yet could I scarcely refi^in from smiling outright at seeing the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead (asleep) on the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they had fairly run it out of sight : when they stopped to take breath, to tell their friends what tro\ibks> \3afci 4-:4 e::z:i,t :r yiM- t?. bfci ■ZZj'jrT^.Cir. \Zji V VLls^zr^i ~ J rizJL^ :iam izii =i:c^ : *r>i -x* liie vast ii"il: >.-:>>!: iLfcC rr?c fi?5 id- t«3i 4 «*:ca^4rgaiTelT feir ri»>: r-LI^ v.- «GrT:T*. En. gxxic2'>:c»;'rr ciiapters. Wr^i;:. :Lr^! Tr-.-^ii ji-a bave bfci dk- take sadi %'i."i*?i.:z*e. i-a:r-:-L-r.ir!r*i r*i(!r5aaif :■> mr l>Deoiii at oir ST-* v:7|:LiiIniir>» ? Xiv a-:*: I referred my fi^fr-vl-rifp f^r :&>* who deserved it. Cm- thoee wfj'^ -ir-'Lt-i!i:^ilv bGpTfc itt? oi-mpanj. in despite fA dlt^nlii^. danger?- azk-i fatisnes. And now, a^ v^ ifjrr?^: w-io adhere to me at present- I take t}i^:a aSV'Tt innately by the han>L Worthy and tfiri'*-l^lov#?l read^rr?! brave and well-tried com- ra^l«?* ! w'lio liave faithnilly followed my footsteps thrr>ugh all my wandering. — I salute you from my h*tHn, — I pledge myself to stand by you to the la-i, and to conduct you (so Heaven speed thi.-* trusty weapon which I now hold bet^reen mv fifigersj triumphantly to the end of this our niniH'jAtnvi undertaking. But, hark ! while we are thus talking, the city of New Am«terrliim i** in a bustle. The host of warriors encamjied in the Bowling Green are Htriking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of An- i^my Van Corlear makes the welkin to resound with ]H)rUinU}UH clangor ; the drums beat ; the Htaruliirds of the Manhattoes, of Ilell-gate, and of jM ichmd Paw, wave proudly in the air. And now iHjholrl where the mariners are busily em- ployevesi<^ damsel, after the les- sening bark, bearii^ her adventurous swain to distant climes ! — Here the p<^ulace watc^ied with straining eyes the gallant squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the inter- vening land at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent toi^ues and downcast countenances. A heavy ^oom hung over the late bustling city: the honest bur^^iers anoked their pipes in profound thoughtfulness^ casting many a wistful kiok to the weathercock on the church of St. NidM>las ; and all the old women, having no lon- ger the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them^ gathered their children home, and bani- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 409 caded the doors and windows every evening at sundown. In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on its voyage ; and after encountering about as many storms, and wa- ter-spouts, and whales, and other horrors and phenomena as generally befall adventurous lands- men in perilous voyages of the kind, and after undergoing a severe scouring from that deplor- able and unpitied malady called seasickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. Without so much as dropping anchor and giv- ing his wearied ships time to breathe, after labor- ing so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pur- sued his coui-se up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort Casimir. Hav- ing summoned the astonished garrison by a ter- rific blast from the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thimdjer, an instant surrender of the fort To this de- mand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiflGQng voice, which, by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a broken bellows, — " That he had no very strong reason for refusing, except that the demand .was particularly disagree- able, as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity/' He requested time, therefore, to consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously taken fi'om him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the ijroi^sftjiw 410 BISTORT OF SEW TOMK. arau^tice, azid 5wore hj the pipe of St. Nicholas^ wliioh. like the sacred Die, was nev^* extin- guished, thai ooles^ the tort wer« smreiidered in ten minutes, he would incontinentlT slorm the woiks. make all the garrison ran the gsumtlet. and q>lit their seoundrel ot a commander like a }Mekled shad. To 2ive this menace the greater effiKC he drew £>rth his trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a tierce and vi^[>roiis motion^ that doubtks& if it had not be^i exceeding rustv, it would hare lightened tenor into the eyes and hearts of the enemv. He then ordered his men to bring a broadside to bear upon the iottj oon- sbting of two swivebw three muskets, a long duck £>wling-piece« and two brace of horse-pistols. In the mean time the sturdv Van CcM'lear mar- ehalled all the £>rces. and commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet. — the lusty choristers of Sing>Sing broke ibrth into a hideous song of battle, — the warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout Uew a potent and astonishing blast on their eondi shells. — altogether forming as outrageous a con- certo as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a modem overture. Whether the ibrmidable firont of war thus sud- denly presented smote the garrison with sore dis- may. — or whether the concluding terms of the summons, which mentioned that he should sur- render -at discretion," were mistaken by Suen Skvtte. who, though a Swede, was a verv oonsid- ersLtej easy-tempeied maa, as a compliment to his HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 411 discretion, I will not take upon me to say ; cer- tain it is he found it impossible to resist so cour- teous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties, who, notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting, had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses. Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of their High Mighti- nesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out with the honors of war ; and the victorious Peter, who was as gener- ous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their arms and ammunition, — the same on inspection being found totally unfit for service, having long rusted in the magazine of the for- tress, even before it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh. But I must not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service of his faithful squire. Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of New Amster- dam, — which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto this very day. The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyve- sant towards the Swedes, occasioned great sur- prise in the city of New Amsterdam, — nay, cer- tain factious individuals, who had been eiali^j^ 412 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ened by political meetings in the days of William the Test J, bat who had not dared to indulge their meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now, emboldened by his absence, gave vent to their censures in the streeL Munniirs were heard in the very council-chamber of New Am- sterdam ; and there is no knowing whether they might not have broken out into downri^t speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyve- sant privately sent home his walking-stafi, to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-cham- ber, in the midst of his counsellors; who, like wise men, took the hint, and forever after held their peace. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 413 CHAPTER Vn. SHOWINQ THS GREAT ADYANTAOK THAT THK AUTHOR HAS OYER HI3 READER IN TIME pF BATTLE — TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTENTOUS MOYBMSNTS; WHICH BETOKEN THAT SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. IKE as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his pro- jecting eyes roll greedily round, devouring every- thing at table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuy- vesant feelthat hunger for martial glory, which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, therefore, had he secured his conquest, than he stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fi*esh laurels at Fort Christina.^ This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it is improperly termed, creek) of the same name ; and here that crafty governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bearded spider in the citadel of his web. But before we hurry into the direful scenes 1 At present a floarishin^ town, called Christiana, or Chris- teen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post- road to Baltimore. 414 MTSrOXT or X£W TOJUL wiudi nmsi anend the meediig of two such po- leni cihSeii^dn^. ii is adriftalile to fnose for a iDc*meni. and hcild a kind of warlike oouncil Bardes sbc»ii]d ik»i l»e msbed into predpitately l»T the histciiian aikd his readers, sav more than hj iLe general aud bi« 5»oid5ers. The great oom- Tnar>der? of antiqiurr never engaged the enemy wiibc«ut previc^osJy piepaiii^ the minds of their fciUowei^ by animaling barangaes. spiriting them op Uj heretic deeds, assuring them of the piotec- tic«u of the gods, and inspiring them with a con- fidence in the prowess of their leadenL So the hist4:»rian should awaken the attentioQ and enlist the passions c>f his read^^s : and havii^ set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should pot himself at their head, fiourish his pen. and lead them on to the thkJcest of the fight. An iUastrions example ci this rule may be seen in that min^r of historians, the immortal Thocvdides. Having anired at the breaking oot of the Peloponnesian war. one c^ his commenta- tors obsenres that - 1^ sounds the charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He cata- logues the allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our attention. All mankind are concerned in the important poLQt now going to be decided. Elndeavors are made lo disclose futurity. Heaven itself is in- terested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor with the great event- This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out Thus he magnifies a war between two, as EI8T0RY OF NEW YORK. 415 « Kapin styles them, petty states ; and thus artr fuUy he supports a little subject by treating it in a great and noble method." In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril, — having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, — at this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are to follow. And here I would premise one great advantage which, as historian, I possess over my reader ; and this it is, that, though I cannot save the life of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupu- lous historian), yet I can now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant, — though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything of the kind, — or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fel- low Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have en- coimtered one another in the Elysian fields, I '11 warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most humble apology. I am aware that many co^isdlentious readers will be ready to cry out " foul play ! " whenever I render a little assistance to my hero, but I con- sider it one of those privileges exercised by his- 416 HISTORY OF SEW TOBK. toriais of all ages, and one which has nerer been dispated. An htstoiian i«y in &ct, as il were, bound in honor to stand bj hb hoo : the fiune of the latter i« intrusted to hb hands, and it is his dotT to do the best br it he can. XeTer was there a general, an atlmiraL or anj other com- mander, who. in givii^ aocoont of anj battle he had fi>agfat. did not sorely belabor the enemy; and I hare no doabt that, had mv heroes written the historr of their own aduerements, thev ^would have dealt mndi harder blows than any that I shall reeoont. Standing fiMth, therefore, as the gnardian of their &me« it behooTes me to do them the same justice they would hare done them- selres ; and if I h2^>pen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their descendants, who may write a story of the State of Delaware, to take £iir retaliation^ and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody nodes ! My pen hath long itched for a battle ; siege after siege have I carried on with- out blows or bloodshed ; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and St. Nicholas, that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please, neither Sallust, Idvy, Taci- tus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in whidi my val- iant chieftains are now about to engage. And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warmest comer of my heart, be not uneasy, — trust the fete of our fevorite Stuyvesant with me. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 417 for by the rood, come what may, I'll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. 1*11 make him drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cor- nish knights ; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it! No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at Fort Christina than he proceeded without delay to intrench himself, and immediately on running his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. Van Cor- lear was received with all due formality, hood- winked at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found liimself in the august presence of Grovemor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponder- ous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-colored jackboots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself with a villanoualy dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being an- nounced, the grim commander paused fet ^\ssa* 27 4l» £.>r;ir i'T J^rv joilk. ^n^mii JL lilt- nuos :z out i£ ld^ iBifeSi Jurd-ia- « mm. :;Lrraii-3cr ; vLidi dooe. he azii £i&T^ hzri iijev a ir^EflDcZMkni? UasX, not uxiilkr ihc fi.aiisCM kC A znnapci of deSaiKe. — viiicii h bftii a>:i:«iicsie ksikn^ moa a ko^ and GfOTi:nryr Bisixj^ii heaid him thnimgh. trumpet uid alL hat wiih innnite impadeDce, — leaning ja times. a» w&? his usual custom, on the pommel of iiis ^wonL and at limes tvdrling a huge steel wauHb-chaiD. or Siap|:*ing his fingers. Van Cor- lear baring finished, he bloutly implied, that Peter Stuyvesant and his sunmions might go to the d — L whither he hoped to send him and his crew of ragamuffins before sopper-time. Tben im- ffh'^atbing his brass^iilted sword« and throwing away the ncsLh\jeLrd, — ~ 'Fore gad," quod he, "^ but I will not sheathe thee again until I make a Kcabbanl of the siooke-dried Leathern hide c^ this HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 419 runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary by the lips of his messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal with all the ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador of so great a commander; and l)eing again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder-magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been remark- ably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. Per- ceiving that the works withstood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to carry on a war with words, he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Bum- mels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish for- ever the fame of the province of New Nether- lands. But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in his suspicion he deeply wronged his xsoa^t ^assk.- 420 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. daunted army ; for the cause of this agitation and uneadine.-^ simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would have almost broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a ^11 stomach ; and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that they came to be so re- nowned in arms. And now are the hearty men of the Manhat- toes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their canteens and pot- tles as though they verily believed they were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same, for wliich purpose I will bring this chapter to a close, — giving them my word of honor, that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, the honest Nederlanders while at their vigorous re- past. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 421 CHAPTER Vm. CONTAININQ TBE HOST HOBBIBLK BATTLE ETER RECORDED IN POETRT 01 PBOSK ; WITH THE ADMIRABLE EXPLOITS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONO. )0W had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast, and finding themselves wonder- fully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, — Expectation now stood on stilts. The world for- got to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the affray, — like a round-bellied alderman, watching the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeav- oring to get a peep between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The historians filled their inkhorns ; the poets went without their dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sul- kily out of its grave, to see itself outdone, — while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gap- ing ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field. The immortal deities, who whiloiscL Vns^ 'Si^^xi. 422 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, service at the " affair " of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or mingled among the combatants in different dis- guises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted cop- persmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her chastity to pat- ronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear- eyed trull paraded the battlements of Fort Chris- tina, accompanied by Diana, as a sergeant's wid- ow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully. Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shoul- dered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered at their elbow, as a drunken corporal, — while Apollo trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villanously out of tune. On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes overnight, in one of her curtiiin-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon ; Mi- nerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most hero- ically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately studied the language), by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All was silent awe, or bus- tling preparation : war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud liis iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets. And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocka, — mcxws>\«i^ ^\l\v ^.tockades, €uid HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 423 intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatmned back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the ramparts like a grisly death's-head. There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged within his bosom. His faith- ful squire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks ; the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van GroUs; the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms ; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams ; the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens ; the Van Grelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bummels ; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles ; — then came the Hoffmans, the Hoogh- lands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Van- gers, the Schermerhoms, the Stoutenburghs^ tha 424 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Brmkerfaoffa, the BcHitecoos, the Knid^erbockeny the Hockstraasers, the Tea ^foeecheses and the Tough BreecheseSy with a host more of worthies^ whoee names are too crabbed to be written, or if thej could be written, it would be impoesible ior man to utter, — all fortified with a mighty din- ner, and, to use the words of a great Dutch poet, "" Brimful of wrath and cabbage.*' For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst c^' lus career, and moimting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, ex- horting them to fight like duyreU^ and assuring them that if they conquered, they should get plenty of booty. — if they felL they should be allowed the satisEeLCtion, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country, and after they were dead, of seeing their names in- scribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other great men of the year, for the admiraticm of posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a gov- ernor (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he would curr^' his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging out his trasty sabre, he brandished it three times over his hearl, ordered Van Corlear to sound a cliarge, and shouting the words ^ St. Nicholas and the ]Manhattoes I " courageously dashed for- ward?. His warlike followers, who had emploved the interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 425 them into their mouths, gave a fdrious puff, and charged gallantly imder cover of the smoke. The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in hor- rid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley, that the very hills quaked around, and were ter- rified even unto an incontinence of water, inso- much that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and jdl, observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge. The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel Brinker- hofF brandishing his quarter-staff, like the giant Blanderon his oak-tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the Van Kortlandts, posted at a dis- tance, hke the Locrian archers of yore, and ply- ing it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, as- sisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the 426 HI8T0ET OF NEW YORK, great song of St. Nicholas ; but as to the Grar- deniers of Hudson, they were absent on a ma- rauding party, laying waste the neighboring water-melon patches. In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So also the Van Bunscbo- tens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kick- ing with the left foot, were brought to a stand for wtmt of wind, in consequence of the hearty din- ner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the Hoppers, who ad- vanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achieve- ments of Antony Van Ck)rlear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he would infallibly have aimihilated on the spot, but that he had come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet. But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and the fighting- men of the Wallabout ; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Esopus, together with the Van Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them ; then the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in their thunder-and-lightning gaberdines; HI STORY OF NEW YORK, 427 ■ and lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes. And now commenced the horrid din, the des- perate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the fi'antic desperation, the confusion and self-abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns ; whack ! went the broad-swords ; thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went the mus- ket-stocks ; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes and bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene ! Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter- skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head- over-heels, rough-and-tumble ! Dunder and blix- um ! swore the Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter ! cried the Swedes. Storm the works ! shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the mine ! roAred stout Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van Corlear ; — until all voice and sound became unintelligible, — grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight; rocks burrowed in the groimd like rabbits ; and even Christina creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in breathless terror! Long hung the contest doubtful ; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the " cloud-com- pelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a grouQ 42S HISTORY OF SEW YORK, of fighting nMLgfiflk, yet did they bat puise fin* a moment, to return with tenfold fbrv to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and deikse column of anoke wa» seen :^lowly rolling toward the £cene of battle. The combatantd paused iov a moment, gazing in mute astomshmenty until the wind, di^)elling the murkv doad, revealed the flaunting banner of ^lichael Paw. the Patix>on of Communipaw. That valiant chieftain came feai^ lesolv on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians and a corpt de reserve of the Tan Arsdales and Van BummeLs who had reoiained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that lias been mentioned, but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg. and of great rotundity in the belt. And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders having unthinkingly left the field, and stepped into a neighboring tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensued. Scarce had the m3rmiidons of Michael Paw attained the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this a'^sault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants broke through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were bonie down in the surge ; the sacred biumer emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Commu- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 429 nipaw was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the heavy-stemed fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying their feet a parte poste of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bumraels with a vigor that prodigiously accelerated their movements ; nor did the re- nowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. But what, oh Muse I was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw his army giv- ing way ! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar, enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new courage at the sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice of their leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom. With- out waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their own ditch ; but as he pushed forward singly with headlong courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow full at his heart ; but the protecting power which watches over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and directed it to a side-pocket, where re- posed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, Jike the shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless fix)m bearing the portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant t\s3nift.^ 430 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him, as he fled, by an immeasurable queue, "Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, " here 's what shall make worms' meat of thee ! " So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck short and shaved the queue forever from his crown. At this moment an arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim ; but the watchful Minerva, Tvho had just stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bellows, who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming fix)ni the touch-hole. Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the field from the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion and uttering a thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he strode down the spheres to hurl his thunder-bolts at the Titans. When the rival heroes came face to face, each made a prodigious start in the style of a veteran stage-champion. Then did they regard each other for a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapper- clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then into another, striking their swords on th^ ground, first on the right side, then on the left ; at last at it they went, with incredi- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 431 ble ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this direful en- counter, — an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of Ajax with Hector, of .^jieas with Tumus, Orlando with Bodomont, Guy of Warwick with Ck)lbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight. Sir Owen of the Moun- tains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very chine ; but Risingh, nimbly raising liis sword, warded it off so narrowly, that, glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in wliich he carried his liquor, — thence pursuing its trench- ant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread and cheese, — which provant rolling among the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax more furious than ever. Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skuU of Hardkoppig Piet, shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly visage. The good Peter reeled with the blow, and ^J5?Ti3BI7 «r KTW TOBZ: i i :-nitL: ir Ji^ -ft^ noMsk. <. tMBBmid -sdosl li^ -jiur:^ SKMBs^ jm. -sajcf^. oiiBuuii. ahcam tint £nitt- icfm; A iicin:;. iiH*i-iiui .ftif iMSD^. Irr Teum lis- '•TnrfnJjiTt. jik^. Iftfr Tssp-^Tt^sMT tffiii: ant i. imras^ iwc lit: <«m ^lU ^ir m? innm - i^. ^niiirii -aa t ttTrerifJuai. Tit: ik^^tflwrft >** p ^ -seiacsfw* iii4ffiLt^T-;nB>i<4. TTiurs iir shoil tvc. dsv^iKrnfitc i: HIT Tuftttifr msftiB^ i: Tc^^ bt*nHlimt ^l^' vainr. aiiE iKOiici: hanA «uur tnniup- TMt ur. um. rr^t ir h^ nuc^it tf HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 433 This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of General Jan Ris- ingh sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under him ; a deathlike torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such violence, that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have broken through the roof of his infernal palace. His fall was the signal of defeat and victory : the Swedes gave way, the Dutch pressed for- ward ; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly pursued. Some entered with them, pell- mell, through the sally-port; others stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a little while the fortress of Fort Chris- tina, which, like another Troy, had stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, with- out the loss of a single man on either side. Vic- tory, in the likeness of a gigantic ox-fly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant Stuy- vesant; and it was declared, by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his expe- dition, that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom ! 28 434 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER DL IN WHICH THE AUTHOR AND THK READER, WHILE REP08IK0 AFTBB THE BATTLE, FALI4 INTO A VERT QRAYB DISCOURSE — AFTER WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF PETER STUTVESANT AFTER HIS TICTORT. HANKS to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle : let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and agitation ; truly this fighting of battles is hot work ! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain, that throughout this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a sin- gle individual maimed, if we except the unliappy Swede, who was shorn of his queue by the tren- chant blade of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, is a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the interest of the narration. This is certainly an objection of no little mo- ment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of the object and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of valor HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 435 displayed before the walls of Christina, yet, not- withstanding that I have consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition, touching this memora- ble though long-forgotten battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole affair. This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most embarrassing predica- ment ; for, having promised my readers a hideous and unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and blood-thii'sty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk them by a reprieve. Had the fates only allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been content ; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden time, but whose race is now unfortu- nately extinct, — any one of whom, if we may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies, like sheep, before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single arm. But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and cuffs, and bruises, and such like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot bul oompaxe m:«?*ixietL 1£;ul7 dk ;fnue Aiki I 10 *d tuu^Tr^ ^jin;! OL 3b^ dir. I &i zniX «&are id *^-iS^ fx^ *'d. diem. %> n^aietL oe zrixmiiL le»t it ^'^A SiATr: pciX AH €sii m> scoac qnlTitffcy Dmcb- it r// Jk 7rritf:T xhm in a iibuuher u> ittve hi^ hjuid$ Uf:fL saA iv>ir manj tempciot? opf)omnutie» I had U/ ?rl/«k at. vbtfrnt I might tdive nude ms fine a AhsaMAffW a« aiiT nE:o>niei in kkstorr or song. FfTum mj own expcrrienee I begin to doabt w^ l0Afita\j (A the aothenticitr of manT of ll//rftf^% »t/jfie$. I Terilv believe, thau when he \^ (^nnk launched one of his £kTorite heroes Mwmti a crowd f^ the enemr, he cat down many ail Wi^t felW/w. withont any authority Ibr so doifijff excsefAing that he presented a fiedr mark, — «mI that c^n a poor fellow was sent to grim HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 437 Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties ; let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight harder than myself; but since the various records I consulted did not war- rant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business ! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright, and I should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no harsher verdict than manslaugh- ter ! And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here, smoking our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this world of fair delusions ! The wealth which the miser has amassed with so many weary days, so many sleepless nights,** a spendthrift here may squander away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments which pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins; and even the briglitest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may wither, and be forever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. " How many illustrious heroes," says the good Boetius, " who were once the pride and glory of the age, hath the silence q£ Vsaa*- 438 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, torians buried in eternal oblivion ! " And this it was that induced the Spartans, when thej went to battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their achievements might be wortliilj recorded. Had not Homer tuned his lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achilles had remained unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, aft^r all the gallant actions he liad achieved, such too had nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on the indelible tablet of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently brushing it away forever ! The more I reflect, the more I am astouished at the important character of the historian. He is the sovereign censor to decide upon the renown or infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors, on whom it depends whether they shall live in after-ages, or be for- gotten as were their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the object of his tyr- anny exists ; but the historian possesses superior might, for his power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and long-for- gotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes, watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings, — that very drop, which to him is not worth the HiaTORT OF NEW YORK. 439 twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalcu- lable value to some departed worthy, may elevate half a score, in one moment, to immortality, who would have given worlds, had they possessed them, to insure the glorious meed. Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vainglorious boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we historians assume ; I shudder to think what direful commotions and calamities we occasion in the world ; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I am a man, I weep at the very idea ! Why, let me ask, are so many illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war ? Why are kings desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what induces all great men of all ages and countries to commit so many victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon themselves, but the mere hope that some histo- rian will kindly take them into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume ? For, in short, the mighty object of all their toils, their hard- ships, and privations, is nothing but immortal fatne. And what is immortal fame ? — why, half a page of dirty paper I Alas ! altis ! how humiliat- ing the idea, that the renown of so great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! 440 BISTORT OF X£W TORK. And now. having refreshed oars^yes after the &dg1le^ and peiik of the fidd. it behooTes ns to x^tum once more lo the scene of oonllict, and inqninE- whai wenr the results of this renowned eonqnest. The £»rtre9& of Chxisiina being the &ir nftetjiopolis. and in a manner the key to Xew Sweden, its capmre was speedihr £»Uowed by the ennre sabjagadoo of the piovince. This was not a little promoied by the gallani and courteous deportment of the chiTalric Peter. T1x>iigfa a man terrible in battle, yet in the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit geneioas. mercifiil, and hmttaoe. He vaunted not over his <>Ti**mieg^ nor did he make deteat mare galling by unmanly insults : ior Hke that mirxvir of knightly virtue, the renc*wned Paladin Orlandck. he was more anxious to do great actions than to talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death ; ordered no houses to be burnt down : permitted no ravages to be perpetzated on the pitipeny <^ the vanquished : and even gave one of his brav- est officers a severe admouishm^it with his walk- ing-^^iafll for having been detected in the act of Racking a hen-roost. He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to the authoritv of their High Mightinesses ; but declaring, with unexampled clemency, that whoever reftiscd should be lodged at the pubUc expense in a goodly castle provided lor the purpose, and have an armed retinue to wait on them in the bargain. In ocAsequence of these beneficent terms, about thirty Sw€?des stepped Ti>ai\fv\\W &rward and took HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 441 the oath of allegiance ; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain on the banks of the Delawai:e, where their descendants reside at this very day. I am told, however, by divers observant travellers, that they have never been able to get over the chapfallen looks of their ancestors, but that they still do strangely trans- mit from father to son manifest marks of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Am- sterdammers. The whole country of New Sweden, having thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed under the superintendence of a lieutenant^ governor, subject to the control of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dig- nitary was called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck-ia^n, who derived his surname, as did Ovidious Naso of yore, from the lordly di- mensions of his nose, which projected from the centre of his countenance, like the beak of a par- rot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of the most ancient and honorable families of the province, the members of which do gratefully commemorate the origin of their dignity, — not as your noble families in England would do, by having a glowing pro- boscis emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly nose, stuck in the very middle of their faces. Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of only two men : Wol- fert Van Home, a tall spare man, who was knocked «• sirr fsr w ttw t -r-mi. miL Tsr BmiiL ~*~ia 3»iiinai^. ^riu 'was- sa^ ihfw^ -airrtrL of jT' m. iiimr*?-^it*iL - ihcx^ i-i'v- -pv-r. v/^f^ mmiiTiaiXizrL. fc* lanur nni»»i^ iiZks ji iitr --! — 1"^ ir TLtsr -.niiirT: Hj-b* i: isk. Plots' iiiniimn-;^ uir TrwtusL ittc tttt c anin e, "w^s ii ~u^ Xiuiiiiniit:^ . 'TTtiT^ m*^ HULK & icurcta mit "T-junrtiiiiir ^^nsr^. Wimir wjil 'iitsa liat «:ck- initr^L i^ijouru iniL "ni*: r^ffrmimn it ins- "zthzstrta. f!v .•.!!- ic lilt -eiiL :c "fiif 'jiiciii. frrm. -«jfi be Ti»r^ fa-:cr^* iht-j^^s ttht^ JitOfifit- iretoEaj V. ^iir :r-.ci-:r*7 IC liti^ "TTirairc- ^.C Ic'C^r^rir KiJ, -*-** iC^K^Hlcd y.T ,\Tied flaundrish hat with brim of vast circum- ference, in portly gabardine and bulbous multi- plicity of breeches, sat on his " stoep " and smoked his pipe in lordly silence ; nor did it ever enter his bram that the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes worrying about in dog-day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however, the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the " Copper- heads," while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity, and obsen'ing the slack galli- gaskins of their rivals, flapping like an empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them witli the opprobrious appellation of " Platter-breeches." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 453 CHAPTER n. HOW PETER STUTTXSANT LABORED TO OIYIUZE THE OOMMUinTT — HOW HE WAS A GREAT PROMOTER OP HOUDATS — HOW HE INSTITUTED KISSING ON new-tear's DAT — HOW HE DISTRIBUTED PIDDLES THROUGHOUT THE NEW NETHERLANDS — HOW HE VENTURED TO BBPORM THE LADUS' PETTICOATS, AND HOW HE CAUGHT A TARTAR. •K^^gROM what I have recounted in the fore- ^ r^^ goii^ chapter I would not have it imag- ined that the great Peter was a tyranni- cal potentate, ruling with a rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he abounded in generosity and condescension. K he refiised the brawling multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to give thirteen loaves to the dozen, — a golden rule which remains a mon- ument of his beneficence. So far from indulg- ing in unreasonable austerity, he delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice ; and for this purpose he was a great promoter of holi- days. Under his reign there was a great crack- ing of eggs at Paas or Easter ; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings better filled on the eve of the blessed St. Nicholas. New-Year's day, however, was his favorite fes- tival, and was ushered in by the ringing of V^lSa 454 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains of hospitality were broken up, and the. whole community was deluged with cherry- brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider ; every house was a temple of the jolly god ; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure econ- omy — taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year afterwards. The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither repaired all the burgh- ers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was devoutly ob- servant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the women-kind for a Happy New Year ; and it is traditional that Antony the Trumpeter, who acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as they passed through the ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus hap- pily introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and low, that on New- Year's day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam w^as the most thorouglily be-kissed community in all Clu*istendom. Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the dis- tribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as missionaries to every part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by Antony the Trumpeter ; and the eflect was marvellous. Instead of those " indi<'- nation meetings " set on foot in the time of Wil- L'am the Testy, vf\ieT^ isi^\i laat toggether to rail HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 455 at public abuses, groan over the evils of the times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted "quilting bees," and " husking bees," and other rural assem- blages, where, under the inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and fol- lowed up by the dance. " Raising bees " also were frequent, where houses sprung up at the wagging of the fiddle-sticks, as the walls of Thebes sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion. Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart ; labor came dancmg in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the land. Happy days ! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Neder- lands were merry rather than wise ; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of good- humor and good-will, resounded at the close of the day from every hamlet along the Hudson ! Nor was it in rural communities alone that , Peter Stuyvesant introduced his favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle ac- quired that potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. Weekly assem- blages were -held, not in heated ball-rooms at mid- night hours, but on Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of the Battery, — with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies. Here would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazea 456 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, of the dance. Here would he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the nigged toils of war in tlie sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously, — and now and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of Boul, to the buxom lass who held out longest, and tired down every competitor, — infallible proof of her being the best dancer. Once, it is true, the harmony of these meet- ings was in danger of interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half a dozen petticoats, and these of aliu*ming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran through the assembly. The young men, of course, were lost in admiration ; but the old Itidies were shocked in the extreme, espe- cially those who had marriageable daughters ; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for the '* poor thing," and even the governor himself appeared to be in some kind of perturbation. To complete the confusion of the good folks, she undertook, in the course of a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing- master at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the high- est flourish of her feet some vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took place, at which all the ladies present were tlu'own into great consternation; several i^rave country members were not a little moved, and the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 457 The shQrtness of the females' dress, which had continued in fashion ever since the days of Wil- liam Kieft, had long offended his eye ; and though extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he immediately rec- ommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce to the bottom. He likewise or- dered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than " shuffle and turn," and " double trouble " ; and forbade, un- der pain of his high displeasure, any yoimg lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed " exhibit- ing the graces." These were the only restrictions he ever im- posed upon the sex; and these were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been sho^vn, wtis a sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a private occasion to inti- mate to the governor that a conspiracy was form- ing among the young vrouws of New Amster- dam ; and that, if the matter were pushed any further, there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether ; whereupon the good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after suffered the women to wear their pet- ticoats and cut their capers as ^ high as they pleased, — a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the Manhattoes imto the present day. 458 HISTORY OF NEW J'ORK. CHAPTER in. HOW TEOUBLIS THICEBITKD ON THC PROVTNOE — HOW FT IS THRSATBinm BT TBB HBLDERBERGSaS, THE MKaBTLAMDEBS, AND THB GIANTS OF THE SUSQUEHANNA. [N the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable picture of the good Peter and his metropolis dur- ing an interval of peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day ; the clouds are again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not mistaken in my fore- bodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing chapters. It is with some communities as it is with cer- tain meddlesome individuals : they have a won- derful facility at getting into scrapes ; and I have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the excessive valor of those states ; for I have likewise noticed that this rampant quality is always most frothy and fiissy where most confined ; which accounts for its va- poring so amazingly in little states, little men and ugly little women more especially. Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw "NedexWA^-, \^\>AricL^\>r3 \ta exceeding HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 459 valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies ; has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size ; and is in a fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woe-begone little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and sublim- ity to this pathetic history. The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelli- gence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaer- stein. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaer- wick, was again in the field, at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg, seeking to annex the whole of the Kaats-kill mountains to his do- minions. The Indian tribes of these mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. Fain would I entertain the reader with the tri- umphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that 1 hold all Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly and de- cent to pass over in silence. Thfe next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidatola x^*^^ 460 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of savages inhabiting the geijtle region watered by the Susquehanna, of whom the following men- tion is made by Master Hariot, in his excellent history : "The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior and attire — their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long ; carved at the great end with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three-quarters of a yard, about ; the rest of the limbs proportionable." ^ These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land; but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland, — so called because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, ^ere prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great horse- racers and cock - fighters, mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to be the first invent- ors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail^ stone- fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gtistronomical merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Balti- more, a British nobleman, was managed by his 1 Uariot*8 Journal, Purch. Pilgrims. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 461 agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall, that is to say, " offend all," — a name given him for his bullying propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threaitening him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the rightful lord of the soil, to come, at the head of the roaring boys of Merryland and the giants of the Susque- hanna, and sweep him and his Nederlanders out of the country. The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard when he received mis- sives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering menaces of the bully Fendall ; and as to the giantly warriors of the Susque- hanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as such — and he was but a little one. Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River and enacting scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear ; but he wrote to Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stout heart, promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and mar the mer- riment of the Merrylanders. 462 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. BOW PETBR STUTTSSAIfT ADYENTURKD IXtO THK XA.8T OOONTBT, AKD HOW HE FARED THERE. O explain the apparently sudden move- ment of Peter Stuyvesant a^gainst the crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his campaigns on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Cats- kill Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlands. Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings along the border, invad- ing armies would penetrate, from time to time, into the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into the land of Canaan, with their wives and their cliildren, their men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle themselves down in the land and possess it, so these chosen people of modem days would progress through the country in pa- triarchal style, conducting carts and wagons la- den with household furniture, with women and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dan- gling beneath. At the tails of these vehicles HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 463 would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on their backs, resolutely bent upon " locating " them- selves, as they termed it, and improving the country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they were guilty of no overt acts of hostility ; but it was notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutch- men gradually disappeared, retiring slowly, as do the Indians before the white men, being in some way or other talked and chaffed, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomanry are pi*one to nestle themselves. Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to tliis kind of war in disguise, by which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt to be ; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw diplomacy to the dogs — determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the sword in one hand and tlie olive- branch in the other, and giving them their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war. His privy councillors were astonished and dis- mayed when he announced his determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and barbarous people. 464 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, They might as well have tried to turn a rusty weather-cock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the iron-headed Peter sat en- throned the five kinds of courage described by Aristotle ; and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily believe he would have possessed them all, As to that better part of valor called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical temperament. Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trus- ty follower, Antony Van Corlear, he commanded him to hold liimself in readiness to accompany him the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise. Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, but by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow (having never been mar- ried), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doub- let. This last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir. Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout- hearted old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty ; and he moreover still remem- bered the frolicking, and dancing, and bundling, and other disports of the east country, and enter- tained dainty recollections of numerous kind and buxom lapses, whom he longed exceedingly again to encounter. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 465 Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nation of foes, — but, above all, for a plain down- right Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New England ! — never was there known a more desperate undertaking ! — Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless but hitherto uncelebrated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constant- ly encountering. Oh ! for a chapter of the tran- quil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose on it as on a feather-bed ! Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee from the maclii- nations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough, that I have followed thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid battle of Fort Christina ? — that I have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound, — now warding off with my single pen the shower of dastard blows that fell upon thy rear, — now narrowly shielding thee from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box, — now cas- ing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword of the stout Risingh, — and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate 30 466 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. means of a paltry stone pottle ? Is not all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian ? And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a bux- om chambermaid, draws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red-luiired Phojbus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazeu- footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firnuunent, like a loitering coachman, half an hour behind his time. And now behold that imp of fame mid prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed charger, gal- lantly arniyed in full regimentals, and bracing on his thigh that trusty brass-hilted sword, which bad wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, wall- eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which had laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet displayed vauntingly in his right hand, decorated vdih a gorgeous banner, on which is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of the city-gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with Ills faithful squire at his heels, the populace fol- lowing with their eyes, and shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheering. — Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet I Farewell, honest Antony ! — Pleasant be your \?«l^tvm^ — ^tosperous your HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 467 return ! The stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather ! Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers in this their adven- turous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manu- script, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the occasion by Dominie .^gidius Luyck,^ who appears to have been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us, tliat it was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower hailing the morning sun, and rejoic- ing in the clear countenance of nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloe- men Dael ; which, in those days, was a sweet and rural valley, beautified with many a bright wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enhvened here and there by a delectable lit* tie Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping hill, and almost buried in embowering trees. Now did they enter upon the confines of Con- necticut, where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place, 1 This Luyck was moreover rector of the Latin School in Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to ^gidius Luvck in D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his mar- riage with Judith Isendoom. Old BiS. 468 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and mighty legion of church-deacons, who imperiously demanded of them fivQ shillings, for travelling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag, who, with un- daunted perseverance, and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly switch - tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villanous, foundered Narraganset pacer. But maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along the course of the soft-flowing Gjnnecticut, whose gentle waves, says the song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain, — now reflecting the lofly spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet, — now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the cheerful song of the peasant. At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy Antony to sound a courteous salutation ; though the manuscript observes, that the inhabitants were thrown into gi*eat dismay when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incompa- rable achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the easV covvofcc'^^ end they dreaded HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 469 lest he had come to take vengeance on their man- ifold transgressions. But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he verily beheved that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to comphment renowned heroes by sumpt- uous displays of tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted Antony alighted fix)m his calico mare, and kissed them all with infinite loving-kindness, — and was right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowding around him for his blessing, each of whom he patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy molas* ses candy. 470 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER V. HOW THE TANKRES SECRETLY SOUQHT THE AID OF THE BRITISH CABINEl IN THEIR HOSTILE SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOSS. K \OW so it happened, that, while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by his trusty squire, was making his chival- ric progress tlux)ugh the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war agamst his beloved province was forming in that nursery of mon- strous projects, the British Cabinet. This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret instigations of the great council of the league ; who, finding themselves totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy- sterned warriors of the Manliattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British government, setting forth in eloquent lan- guage the wonders and delights of this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be sent out to invade it by sea, while they should cooperate by land. These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail ; for we are assured by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant man- uscript, that the astounding victory of Peter HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 471 Stuyvesont at Fort Christina had resounded throughout Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the jeal- ousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore, who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted to him by the British crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the Neder- landers. The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on the part of his Majesty Charles the Second, for the safety and well-being of his transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the New Nether- lands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British crown by the Pil- grims, when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugi- tives from British oppression. All this goodly land, thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother, the Duke of York, — a donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway dispatched to invade the city of New 472 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Amsterdam by land and water, and put his brother in complete possession of the premises. Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in sober security, and the privy councillors are snoring in tlie council-cham- ber, — while Peter the Headstrong is undauntedly making his way tlu'ough the east country in the confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the gmnd council to terms, — a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial. But come what may, I here pledge my ve- racity, that in all warlike conflicts and doubtful perplexities he will ever acquit himself like a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. — Forward, then, to the charge ! Shine out, pro- pitious stars, on the renowned city of the Man- hattoes ; and the blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee — honest Peter Stuy vesant HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 473 CHAPTER VI. OF PETER STIJYVESAKT'S EXPEDITION INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, SHOW- INQ THAT, THOUGH AN OLD BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND TRAP. I RE AT nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness is seldom known until they get in trouble ; advei*sity, therefore, has been wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace. In proportion, there- fore, as a nation, a community, or an individual (possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur, and even when sinking under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity. The vast empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of drowsy ages ; and were it not for its internal revolutions, and the subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their con- 474 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, temporaries, had they not been fortunately over- whelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years' distress, and final conflagration; Paris rose in importance by the plots and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon ; and even the mighty London has skulked through the rec- ords of time, celebrated for nothing of moment excepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy Faux's gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and em- pires creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calam- ity — and snatch, as it were, immortality fix)m the explosion ! The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that the city of New Am- sterdam and its dependent province are on the high-road to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is really a mat- ter of astonishment, how so small a state has been able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in so many ditficulties. Ever since the province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Goed Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twil- ler, has it been gradually increasing in historic importance ; and never could it have had a more appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant. This truly headstrong hero having success- fiilly effected his daring progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amp\Ac\.yox\a, \^\ikk was to be the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 475 crowning achievement of the campaign. Throw- ing Antony Van Corlear, who, with his calico mare, fonned his escort and army, a little in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great wind, he placed himself firmly in his sad- dle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and, with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet before him in a manner to electrify the whole community. Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion ; never such a hurrying hither and thither about the streets ; such popping of heads out of windows ; such gathering of knots in mar- ket-places. Peter Stuyvesant was a straightfor- ward man, and prone to do everything above- board. He would have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and soimded a parley ; but the grand council knew the met- tlesome hero they had to deal with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary^ they sent forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multi- ply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and for- malities, and other courteous impediments in his path. Solenm banquets were accordingly given him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Comphmentary speeches were made him, wherein he was enter- tained with the surpassing virtues, long-sufferings, and achievements of the Pilgrim-Father* % «3kASX 476 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, is even said he was treated to a sight of Plym- outh Rock, — that great comer-stone of Yankee empire. I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite an- noyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by dwelling on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic negotiations : a great deal was said and very little done ; one conversation led to another, one conference begot misunder- standings which it took a dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to an agreement. In the midst of these perplexities which bewil- dered the brain and incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the dark conspiracy matured in the British cabinet, with the astounding fact that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council of Amphic- tyons, while thus beguiling him with subtleties, were actually prepared to cooperate by land ! Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar, when he found himself thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil ! Now did he draw his trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the Amphictyons and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he TesolvG to fight his way throughout all the region of the east, and to \ay ^aaXa C^xai^OassoX. xv^i^xX HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 477 Gallant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on this ill-starred ex- pedition ? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no other counsellor than thine own head ; no other armor but an honest tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword ; no other pro- tector but St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter ; did I not tremble when I be- held thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers of New England ? It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their war- like and vindictive tones, and prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston. With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the present, to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations, and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the salvation of the Manhattoes. The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom ; he forthivith dispatched a se- cret message to his councillors at New Amster- dam, apprising them of their danger, and com- manding them to put the city in a posture of defence, promising to come as soon as possible to their assistance. This done, he felt marvel- lously relieved, rose slowly, shook himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same mamier as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle, in the clii- valric history of the Pilgnmia Yto^^^s». 478 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. And now much does it grieve me ' that I must leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeopardy ; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; while doing one thing with heart and soul, he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those things in person which in mod- ern days are trusted to generals and ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an uproar ; — all which was owing to that uncom- mon strength of intellect, which induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which bad ac- quired him the renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 479 CHAPTER Vn. HOW THE PEOPLE OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE THROWN INTO A GREAT PANIC BT THE NEWS OP THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THE MAN- NER IN WHICH THEY FORTIFIED THEMSELVES. HERE is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community where every individual has a voice in public affairs, where every individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation, and where every individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his country : I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues — such patriotic bawling — such running hither and thither — everybody in a hurry — everybody in trouble — everybody in the way, and everybody inteiTupting his neighbor — who is busily employed in doing nothing ! It is like witnessing a great fire, where the whole commimity are agog — some dragging about empty engines — others scamper- ing with full buckets, and spilling the contents into their neighbor's boots — and others ringing the church-bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen, like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down scal- ing-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by 480 HISTORY OF NEW YQRK. way of directing the attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the unfor- tunate, catches up an anonymous chamber-utensil, and gallants it off with an air of as much self- importance as if he had rescued a pot of money; there another throws looking-glasses and cliina out of the window, to save them from the flsones ; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of Fire! Fire! Fire! " When the news arrived at Sinope," says Lu- cian, — though I OAvn the story is rather trite, — " that Philip was about to attack them, the inhab- itants were thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms ; others rolled stones to build up the walls, — everybody, in short, was employed, and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find nothing to do ; whereupon, not to be idle when the vvrelfare of his country was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with might and main up and down the Gymnasium." In like manner did every mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the missive of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. " Every man " — saith the Stuyvesant manuscript — " flew to arms ! " — by which is meant, that not one of our honest Dutch citizens Avould venture to church or to market without an old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch fowling- piece on his s\\o\ddftT \ nor would he go out of a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 481 night without a lantern ; nor turn a comer with- out first peeping cautiously round, lest he should come unawares upon a British army ; — and we are informed that Stoffel Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as the governor himself, actually had two one-poimd swivels mounted in his entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back. But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one which has since been found of wonderftd efficacy, was to assemble pop- ular meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown, were extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant ; but as this was a moment of unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the ora- tors and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and exceed the others in hyperboli- cal bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions to up- hold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most formi- dable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth. This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately proposed, — whether it were not possible and politic to ex- terminate Great Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only one arose to suggest some doubts, — who, as a punish- ment for his treasonable presumption, was imme- diately seized by the mob, and tarred and featk- 31 482 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, ered, — which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing. The question, therefore, being unan- imously carried in the affirmative, it was rec- ommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceed- ingly choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure sub- sided, — the old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, — the community began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low Dutch and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most wofully beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it was proved, to a certainty, that the fate of Old England depended upon the will of the NcAV Amsterdammers. Finally, to strike a \'iolent blow at the very vitals of Great Biitain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and havuig purchased all the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge bonfire ; and, in the patri- otic glow of the moment, every man present, who had a hat or breeches of English workmansliip, pulled it oflf*, and threw it into the flames, — to the irreparable detriment, loss, and ruin of the English manufacturers. In commemoration of this great exploit, they erected a pole on the spot, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 483 with a device on the top intended to represent the province of Nieuw Nederlands destroying Great Britain, under the similitude of an Eagle picking the little Island of Old England out of the globe; but either through the uuskilfulness of the sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose, vainly striving to get hold of a dumpling. 484 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER Vm. HOW THE GRAND COUXCIL OF THE NEW NETHERLANDS WERE MIRACT> LOUSLT GIFTED WITH LONG TONGUES IN THE MOMENT Of'xMEROSNCT — SHOWING THE VALUE OF WORDS IN WARFARE. {T will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that notwithstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter, the city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before. The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were a^rare of this ; and, having received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of defence, they called a meeting of the oldest and rich- est burghers to assist them with their wisdom. These were that order of citizens commonly termed " men of the greatest weight in the com- munity " ; their weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their purses. Their >visdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang like a mill-stone round the neck of the community. Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables : First, that the dty required to be put in a state of defence ; and, BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 486 Second, that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost : which points being set- tled, they fell to making long speeches and be- laboring one another in endkss and intemperate disputes. For about this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prev- alent in this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of wise men assemble together, breaking out in long, windy speeches, caused, as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being consid- ered the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent invention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch critic who judged of books by their size. This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by certain philosophers to have been imbibed, to- gether with divers other barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors ; who were pecu- liarly noted for long talks and council-fires, and never undertook any affair of the least impor- tance without previous debates and harangues among their chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing their rep- resentatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they possessed the more rare, difficult, and ofltimes important talent 486 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, of holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body was composed of the most loquacious men in the communitj. As they considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them, required that he should harangue on every sub- ject, whether he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieflain, by every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words. We are told that disciples, on entering the school of Pythagoras, were for two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions, or I make remarks. After they had thus acquired \ the inestimable art of holding their tongues, they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to communicate their own opinions. With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be introduced in mod- em legislative bodies, — and how wonderfully would it have tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes ! At this perilous juncture the fetal word econ- omy, the stumbling-block of William the Testy, had been once more set afloat^ according to which the cheapest plan of defence was insisted upon as the best ; it being deemed a great stroke of pol- icy in furnishing powder to economize in balL HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 487 Thus did dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously personified as a wom- an) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilt- ing the venerable councillors of New Amster- dam. To add to the confusion, the old factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor. Whatever was proposed by Short Pipe was op- posed by the whole tribe of Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect the downfall of their rivals, their second, to elevate themselves, and their third, to consult the public good ; though many left the third con- sideration out of question altogether. Li this great collision of hard heads it is aston- ishing the number of projects that were struck out, — projects wliich threw the wind-mill system of William the Testy completely in the back- ground. These were almost uniformly opposed by the " men of the greatest weight in the com- munity ! " your weighty men, though slow to de- vise, being always great at " negativing." Among these were a. set of fat, self-important old burgh- ers, who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of defence pro- posed. These were that class of " conservatives " who, having amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indAvelling beatitude of conscious wealth ; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and 488 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. devotes the rest of its life to the conservatioD of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed ta these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion of locusts preying upon the public property ; to fit out a naval armament was to throw their money into the sea ; to build fortifications was to bury it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left no scar ; a broken head cured itself ; but an empty purse was of all maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the patient. Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lav- ish away that time which thtection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuwesant. Oh, how did thev bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter! and how did tbej long for the oomtbrting presence of Antony Van Coriear! Indeed, a gloomy uncertainty hung orer the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day af^er day had elapsed since the alarming message from the gov- ernor, without brining any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearfid conjecture was hazarded as to what had be&llen him and his loyal squire. Had thev not l^een devoured alive bv the canni- bals of Alarblehead and Cape Cod? — had they not been put to the question by the great council of Amphiotyons ? — had they not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag ? In the midst of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty nightmare^ sat brooding upon the little^ fot, plethoric city of New Amster- dam, the ear? of the multitude were suddenlv startled by the distant sound of a trumpet: it approached, it grew louder and louder, and now it rebounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from their lips, as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and fi>llowed by his BISTORT OF NEW YORK, 491 faithful trumpeter, came gallopmg into the mar- ket-place. The first transports of the popillace having subsided, they gathered round the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greet- ings and congratulations. In breathless accents he related to them the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary mi- nuteness where anything touching the great Peter, is concerned, is very particular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public aflfairs will not allow me to indulge in a full reci- tal thereof. Let it suffice to say, that, while Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports to obtain supplies, and. to call on the grand council of the league for its prom- ised cooperation. Upon hearing of this, the vigi- lant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decampment ; though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers per- ilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scoured, without sound of trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the country in an up- roar with hostile preparations, and they were* obliged to take a large circuit in their flight, 492 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. lurking along through the woody mountains of the Devil's backbone ; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth one day like a lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take possession of some comer of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of hb wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and Mling, sword in hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were marshalling forth their draggle-tailed militia. The first movement of the governor, on reach- ing his dwelling, was to mount the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, hav- ing on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., informs us, " three hundred valiant red-coats.** Having taken this survey, he sat himself down and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the i^eason of his anchorin": in the harbor without obtainui*' ® previous permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though 1 have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he had a bitter, sar- donic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having dispatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches-pockets, and whistling a Low-Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 493 brewing. The very dogs as they eyed him skulked away in dismay ; while all the old and ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to save them from mur- der, robbery, and pitiless ravishment ! The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who command- ed the invaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor ; declar- ing the right and title of his British Majesty to the province ; where he affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers ; and demanding that the town, forts, etc. should be forthwith rendered into his Majesty's obedience and protection ; promising, at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free trade to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's government. Peter Stuy vesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John Stiles, warning him of an action of eject- ment. He was not, however, to be taken by surprise ; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches-pocket, stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great vehe- mence, and then, loftily waving his hand, prom- ised to send an answer the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for, confident in his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct. His orders being duly promulgated, it was a 494 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, piteous sight to behold the late valiant burgo. masters, who had demolished the whole British empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places ; crawling cautiously forth ; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys ; start- ing at every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers; and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable soldiers levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms ! Having, however, in despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, ar- rived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the gov- ernor. In a few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and stout- hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in full suit of regimentals, and carrjdng his trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the gov- ernor never equipped himself in this portentous manner unless something of martial nature were working within his pericranium, his council re- garded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and sword in his iron coi^ntenance, and forgot to light their pipes in breathless suspense. His first words were, to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty bickerings and scurrilous invectives HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 495 against an absent enemy. He now called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend the province as long as Heaven was on his side and he had a wooden leg to stand upon ; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a thwack with the flat of his sword upon the table, that quite electrified his auditors. The privy councillors, who had long since been brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there was no use in saying a word, — so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in silence, like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency, acquired at popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit, when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general meeting of the people. So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself, — what then must have been its effect upon the great Stuy ve- sant, who was not only a Dutchman, a governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of the most stomachful and gun- powder disposition ? He burst forth into a blaze 496 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of indignation, — swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of it, — that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of tobacco for either, — that they might go home, and go to bed like old women ; for he was determined to defend the colony himself, without the assistance of them or their adherents ! So saying he tucked his sword under his arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped indignantly out of the council-chamber, everybody making room for him as he passed. No sooner was he gone than the busy burgo- masters called a public meeting in front of the Stadthouse, where they appointed, as chairman one Dofue Boerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of Wil- liam the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking the reins of government He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the land, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing that he was the first to imprint New- Year cakes with the myste- rious hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such Hke magical devices. This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech, informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had received, to surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions highly to the honor and advantage of the province. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 497 He then proceeded to speak of his Excellency in high-sounding terms of vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station ; comparing him to Nero, Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore ; assuring the people that the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the present. That it would be recorded in letters of fire, on the blood-stained tablet of history! That ages would roll back with sudden horror when they came to view it ! That the womb of time (by the way, your orators and writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman) — that the womb of time, preg- nant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a parallel enormity ! — Avith a variety of other heart - rending, soul - stirring tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate ; neither, in- deed, need I, for they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric under the general title of Rigmarole. The result of this speech of the inspired bur- gomaster was a memorial addressed to the gov- ernor, remonstrating in good round terms on his conduct It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer of this memorial ; but this he warily declined, having no inclination pf coming again within kicking distance of his Excellency. Who did deliver it has never been named in history, in which neglect he has suffered grievous wrong ; seeing that he was equally 32 498 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. worthy of blazon with him perpetuated in Scot- tish song and story by the surname of Bell-the- cat All we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim Peter to light his pipe ; which, from the vehemence with which he smoked it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 499 CHAPTER X. CONTAIXINO A DOLEFUL DI8ASTKE OF ANTONY THB TRUMPETER — AND HOW PETER 8TUTVESANT. LIKE A SECOND CROMWELL, SUDDENLY DIS- SOLVED A RUMP PARLIAMENT. |0W did the high - minded Pieter de Groodt shower down a pannier-load of maledictions upon his burgomasters for a set of self-willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he omit to bestow some left-handed compli- ments upon the sovereign people, as a herd of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hard- ships and illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortal- ity and a broken head. Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country night and day, — sounding the alarm along the pastoral borders of the Bronx, — startling the wild solitudes of Croton, — arousing the nigged yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken, — the 500 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. miglity men of battle of Tappan Bay, — and the bi'ave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and Sleepy-Hollow, — charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns, shoulder their fowling- pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhat- toes. Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk-bottle, well charged with heart- inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway, sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas ! never more were they to be gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter ! It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek (sagely denominated Ilaerlem river) which separates the island of IVIanna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an uproar, and no Cluiron could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient ghost upon the brink, and then bethinking himself of the urgency of his errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously that he would swnm across in spite of the devil ! (Spyt den Duyvel !) and daringly plunged into the stream. I^uckless Antony ! Scarce had he buffeted half-way over when he was observed to struggle violently, as if HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 501 battling with the spirit of the waters, — instinc- tively he put his trumpet to his mouth, and giv- ing a vehement blast — sank forever to the bot- tom ! The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Ronces- valles, rang far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, femed for his veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow in giving belief) that he saw the. duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss-bonker, seize the sturdy Antony by the leg, and drag him be- neath the waves. Certain it is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the Hudson, has been called Spp den Duyvel ever since ; the ghost of tlie unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trum- pet has often been heard by the neighbors, of a stormy night, mingling with the howling of the blast. Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark ; on the contrary, a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy acci- dents in future ; and as to the moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence, that no true Dutch- man will admit them to his table, who loves good fish and hates the devil. Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear, — a man deserving of a better fate. He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bach< 502 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. elor, until the day of his death ; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind some two or three dozen children, in different parts of the country, — fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins ; from whom, if legends speak true, (and they are not apt to lie,) did descend the in- numerable race of editors, who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid by the people for keeping up a constant alarm — and making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the East he did much towards promoting the population of the country ; in proof of which is adduced the noto- rious propensity of the people of those parts to sound their own trumpet As some way-worn pilgrim, »when the tempest wliistles through his locks, and night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of An- tony Van Corlear. He had been the &ithful attendant of his footsteps ; he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gaiety and the martial melody of his trumpet, and had fol- lowed him with unflinching loyalty and afiection tlu-ough many a scene of direful peril and mis- hap. He was gone forever ! and that, too, at a moment wiien every mongrel cur was skulking from his side. This — Peter Stuyvesant — was the moment to try thy fortitude ; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine forth Peter the Headstrong ! HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 503 The glare of day had long dispelled the hor- rors of the stormy night ; still all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious, yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the eventful morning when the great Peter was to give his reply to the summons of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon boilinju with indio^nation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters flashed upon his mind. — While in this state of irritation, a courier arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut, counselling him, in the most af- fectionate and disinterested manner, to surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and ca- lamities to which a refusal would subject him. — What a moment was this to intrude officious ad- vice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life ! — The fiery old governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the bosoms of his councillors to. quake with awe, — railing at his imlucky fate, that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects, and Jesuitical advisers. Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the officious burgomasters, who had heard of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the room, with a legion of schepens and toad- eaters at their heels, and abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the 504 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces, — threw it in the face of the nearest burgomaster, — broke his pipe over the head of the next, — hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just retreating out at the door, and finally prorogued the wliole meeting sine die, by kicking them down-stairs witli his wooden leg. As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion and had time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at full lengtli, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and vindictive deport- ment of the governor ; declaring that, for tlieir own parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by the timber toe of his Excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the ha- rangue came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of character vested in all true mobs, — who, though they may bear in- juries without a murmur, yet are marvellously jealous of their sovereign dignity ; and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been provoked, had they not been somewhat more afraid of their sturdy old gov- ernor than they were of St Nicholas, the English — or the d — ^1 himself. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 505 CHAPTER XI. HOW PETER STUTVE3ANT DEFENDED THE CITT OF NEW AMSTERDAM FOB SEVERAL DATS, BY DINT OF THE STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD. HERE is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and venerable little city, — the me- tropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited country, — garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men, burgomasters, schepens, and old women, — governed by a determined and strong- headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and resolutions, — blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with direful desolation from without, while its very vitals are torn with internal faction and commotion ! Never did historic pen record a page of more compli- cated distress, unless it be the strife that dis- tracted the Israelites, during the siege of Jeru- salem, — where discordant parties were cutting each other's throats, at the moment when the victorious legions of Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword into the very sanctum sanctorum of the temple. Grovemor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout, and delivered him- 506 mSTORY OF NEW YORK. self from a multitude of impertinent advisers, dispatched a categorical reply to the commanders of the iuvaduig squadron ; wherein he asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States Greneral to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance ! My anxiety to extricate my readers and my- self from these disastrous scenes prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded in these manly and affectionate terms: — ** As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as merci- ful) shall lay upon us ; all things being in his gracious disposal, and we may as well be pre- served by him with small forces as by a gretit army ; which makes us to wish you all happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to his protec- tion. My lords, your thrice humble and affec- tionate servant and friend, P. Stdyvesant." Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side, — thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his tierce little war-hat on the top of his head, — paraded up and down in front of liis house, determined to defend his beloved city to the last. While all these struggles and dissensions were HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 507 prevailing in the unhappy city of New Amster- dam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was framing the above-qu6ted letter, the English commanders did not remain idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of the populace ; and moreover circu- lated far and wide, through the adjacent country, a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple Nederland- ers with the most crafty and conciliating profes- sions. They promised that every man who vol- untarily submitted to the authority of his British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, wear as many breeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them on the spot. That he should on no account be compelled to learn the EngHsh language, nor eat codfish on Satur- days, nor keep accounts in any other way than by casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of his hat; aa is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the pres- ent day. That every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoe- buckles, pipe, and every other personal appen- dage ; and that no man should be obliged to con- form to any improvements, inventions, or any other modern innovations ; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his house, follow his trade, manage his farm, reai' his hogs, and edu- 508 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, cate liis children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade, and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered the tutelar saint of the city. These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people, who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most singular aversion to engage in a con- test, where they could gain little more than honor and broken heads, — the first of which they held in philosophic indifference, the latter in utter de- testation. By these insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the confi- dence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor, whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous misadventures ; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse him most heartily — behind his back. Like as a mighty grampus when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, — so did the inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise, con- temptuous, above the clamors of the rabble. But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance, they dispatched re- cruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nin- eveh, and Quag, and Fatchog, and all those HISTORY OF NEW YORK* 509 towns on Long Island which hstd been subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff; stirring up the progeny of Preserved Fish, and Determined Cock, and those other New-England squatters, to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships prepared for an assault by water. The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed into arrant old women, — a metamor- phosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies re- corded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street. Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence, blockaded from without, tor- mented from within, and menaced with a Yan- kee invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat un- til it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender. Words cannot express the transports of the populace, on receiving this intelligence ; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their congratulations,^ they extolled their governor as the father and 510 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. deliverer of his country, — they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear the ignoble re- joicings of the rabble. Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this purpose, they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike accoutrements were laid aside, — an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap overshadowed his frowning brow, an iron-gray beard of three days* growth gave additional grimness to his visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign the loathsome paper, — thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb, senna, and ipecacuanha had been offered to his lips ; at length, dashing it from him, he seized his brass- hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. Nicholas, to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven. For two whole days did he persist in this mag- nanimous resolution, during which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamor- ous revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 511 another course was adopted to soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession wtis formed by the burgomasters and schepens, followed by the pop- ulace, to bear the capitulation in state to the gov- ernor's dwelling. They found the castle strongly barricadoed, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret-window. There was sometliing in this formidable posi- tion that struck even the ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faith- ful to his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully pre- pared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon over- whelmed by the recurring tide of public appre- hension. The populace arranged themselves be- fore the house, taking off their hats with most respectful humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators described by Sallust as being " talkative rather than eloquent," stepped forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length, detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the province, and urging him in a constant repe- tition of the same arguments and words to sign the capitulation. The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret- window in grim silence, — now and then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiff, 512 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, would mark his* iron visage. But though a man of most undaunted mettle, — though he had a heart as big as an ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn, — yet after all he was a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and per- ceiving that unless he complied, the inhabitants would follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for his consent, or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them to liand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole ; and having scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons, threw the capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stumping down-stairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently took to their heels ; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and greet them >vith some unwel- come testimonial of bis displeasure. Within three hours after the surrender, a le- gion of British beef-fed warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and batteries. And now might be heard, from all quarters, the sound of hammers made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated in silent sul- lenness from the garret-windows as they paraded through the streets. HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 513 Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the com- mander of the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the conqiiered realm as locum tenens for the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth were denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto the present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet possession of their property ; but so inveterately did they retain their abhorrence of the British nation, that in a private meeting of the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner. NoTK. — Modem historians assert that when the New Neth- eriands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens, a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by one Garret Van Home, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cabbage-gardens of Com- munipaw ; as did Pelayo and his followers among the moun- tains of Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed-corn, to re-people the city with the genuine breed whenever it shall be effec- tually recovered fi'om its intruders. It is said the geTiuine descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York, still look with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavo- nia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stem moun- tains of Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliv- erance is to come. 33 514 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER Xn. CONTAINING THE DIONinED RKTmSXENT, AND MOKTAL SUKRSNDU OT PKTEB THE HEADSTBONQ. HITS, then, have I concluded this great historical enterprise ; but before I lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty. If among the variety of readers who may peruse this book,^ there should haply be found any of those soub of true nobility, which glow with celestial fire as the history of the generous and the brave, they will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify one such sterling heart of gold I would go more lengths than to instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers. No sooner had that high -mettled cavalier signed the ai*ticles of capitulation, than, deter- mined not to witness the humiliation of his favor- ite city, he turned his back on its walls and made a growling retreat to his bouwery^ or country-seat, which was situated about two miles off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarclial retirement. There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid the distracting cares of goveriunent ; and tasted the HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 515 sweets of absolute and uncontrolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed with the bitterness of opposition. No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit the city ; on the contrary, he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees planted by his own hand grew up and formed a screen that effectually excluded it from the prospect. He railed contin- ually at the degenerate innovations and improve- ments introduced by the conquerors ; forbade a word of their detested language to be spoken in his family, — a prohibition readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anything but Dutch, — and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house because it con- sisted of English cherry-trees. The same incessant vigilance, which blazed &rth when he had a vast province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in narrower limits. He patrolled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of his little territory ; repelled every encroachment with intrepid prompt- ness; punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his farm-yard with inflexible se- verity ; and conducted every stray hog or cow in triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart, had always a cor- ner to receive and cherish them. There was an 516 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. exception to this, I must confess, in case the ill- starred applicant were an Englishman or a Yan- kee ; to whom, though he might extend the hand of assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the Gast should stop at his door, with his cart-load of tin ware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of " notions " was fain to betake him- self to instant flight. His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, were carefully hung up in the state bed-chamber, and regularly aired the first feir day of every month ; and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full - length portrait of the renowned Admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he main- tained strict discipline and a well-organized des- potic government ; but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects was his constant object. He watched over, not merely their immediate comforts, but their morals, and their ultimate welfare ; for he gave them abundance of excellent admonition, nor could any of them complain, that, when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing wholesome correction. The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse EI8T0RT OF NEW YORK, 517 among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of Governor Stuyvesant. New- Year was truly a day of open-handed liberality, of jocund revelry, and warm-hearted congratu- lation, when the bosom swelled with genial good- fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an unceremonious freedom, and honest broad- mouthed merriment, unknown in these days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously observed tlux)ughout his do- minions ; nor was the day of St. Nicholas suffered to pass by, without makuig presents, hanging the stocking in the chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies. Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased ; for on this day their master was always observed to unbend, and become exceeding pleas- ant and jocose, sending the old gray-headed ne- groes on April-fool's errands for pigeon's milk ; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and humored his j»ld master's jokes, as became a faithful and well-disciplined depend- ant. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land — injuring no mim — envying no man — molested by no outward strifes — per- plexed by no internal commotions ; — and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were vainly 518 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. seeking to maintain peace, and promote the wel- fare of mankind, by war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the little island of Manna-hatSL, and learned a lesson in government from the domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant. In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still retains its gigantic pro- portions, begins to shake and groan with every blast — so was it with the gallant Peter ; for though he still bore the port and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame, — but his heart, that un- conquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence concerning the battles be- tween the English and Dutch, — still would his pulse^ beat high whenever he heard of the vic- tories of De Ruyter, and his countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of the English. At length, as on a certain d^y he had just smoked his fifth pipe, and was napping after dinner, in his arm-chair, conquer- ing the whole British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of bells, rat- tling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. But when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honor of a great victory obtained \>y \)afc ^s^xs^vaad English and HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 51» French fleets over the brave De Ruyter, and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart, that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to death's door, by a violent cholera morbus ! Even in this extremity he still displayed the unconquerable spirit of Peter the Headstrong ; holding out to the last gasp, with inflexible obstinacy, against a whole army of old women who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch mode of defence, by inundation. While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat, with little loss, and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words, — he partly raised himself in bed, — clinched his with- ered hand, as if he felt within his gripe that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Fort Christina, and giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and ex- pired. Thus died Peter Stuyresant, — a valiant sol- dier — a loyal subject — an upright governor, and an honest Dutchman, — who wanted only a few empires to desolate, to have been immortal- ized as a hero ! His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his sterling quaUtiea imbL■•. : 1 ■ 1 ..■ ■I;': > 1 . 1 . •■ " . *■ ; \.r, • * . ' '*<•: ' • » " ■ ■ ^ . « ■■ ■ V-: :.i ^" » I . ■ ■ ■ > ,• .■■? .•*♦ '-• - c .>.- •-'ii: ■■: